“When we raise our hopes and lower our expectations, we establish a resilient way forward.

“When we raise our hopes and lower our expectations, we establish a resilient way forward.”

Seth Godin, author, entrepreneur, and teacher

Image from Unsplash by Pedro Sanz

I recently looked for an easy-to-understand definition of resilience. Here is what the American Psychological Association had to offer:

Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.

Seth’s view on the subject is a lot easier to understand and implement!

EXERCISE:

In what areas of life would raising your hopes and lowering your expectations boost your resilience and help you move forward?

The wedding is an event, love is a practice. The Graduation is

“The wedding is an event, love is a practice. The graduation is an event, education is…”

James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits

Image from Unsplash by Brett Jordan

Full Quote: “The wedding is an event, love is a practice. The graduation is an event, education is a practice. The race is an event, fitness is a practice. The heart, mind, and body are endless pursuits.”

Too many of us rest our hopes and expectations on the big days of our lives.

We are constantly looking to capture and highlight moments to post on social media, to proclaim to the world we’ve arrived, or that we are at the top of our games.

But life isn’t just about peak experiences.

It involves the ordinary and often mundane daily efforts of doing our best even when few people ever notice. It definitely includes the rituals, routines, and daily practices that give our lives purpose and meaning.

EXERCISE:

In what ways do you sharpen the saws of your mind and body through your daily efforts?

What heart-based activities keep your life beating to the often-whispering tunes of your soul?

Embrace all of your wins no matter their size

Embrace all of your wins no matter their size.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by National Cancer Institute

As we begin a new year it is a common practice to reflect on the year gone by to see how it compared to our expectations.

Far too many of us experience regret and even shame for coming up short of our grandiose plans. With the wind knocked out of our sails, it’s increasingly difficult to shoot for the stars again in the year ahead.

Instead of looking through these lenses, consider the phrase What I got done today is what I got done today.

Acknowledge all your wins, in which you met the many challenges that landed in your lap the past 365 days.

EXERCISE:

Display the phrase What I got done today is what I got done today on your bathroom mirror.

Reflect on its simple wisdom each morning and night as you brush your teeth for at least two minutes.

Better dental checkups will be an added bonus!

“If you can’t pay it back, pay it forward.”

“If you can’t pay it back, pay it forward.”

Catherine Ryan Hyde, American novelist and short story writer

Image from Unsplash by Ekaterina Shakharova

Who are the people who have invested the most in you over the years?

How did they spend their time, energy, and resources to help you become the person you are today?

In what ways did you repay them for their invaluable contributions?

When I examine my own list, I sometime feel unsettled.

A good number of my teachers, mentors, advisors, and family members are no longer with us. Simply sending my prayers and feelings of gratitude into the domain of spirit doesn’t seem to be enough.

Upon deeper review, I realized that these special individuals probably never expected anything in return. They would probably be very pleased to see me paying many of their lessons forward to others in my communities.

EXERCISE:

Where and with whom would a pay it forward strategy help you balance the ledger of your life for all that you have received from others over the years?

“We are the gatekeepers of our expectations.”

“We are the gatekeepers of our expectations.”

Sue Heatherington, writer

Image from Unsplash by Georg Eiermann

Earlier this month a good friend asked me to help launch his boat and take it to his dock about an hour away from where it was stored for the winter.

During this process, we traveled through various bays and canals that required bridges to be raised for us to pass.  As an inexperienced land lubber, I found the gatekeeping process that allowed our passage fascinating.

When we repeat the process in October, I’ve been promised to be promoted to co-captain for an hour with a short stint of steering the boat in open water, of course.

EXERCISE:

Where do your experience various types of gatekeepers in your life?

How would being more mindful of your personal and professional expectations help you avoid some of the stormy seas of life?

Do my expectations match the level of effort I’m giving

“Do my expectations match the level of effort I’m giving?”

—Shane Parrish, Founder of the Farnam Street website

Image from Unsplash by Product School

What are your thoughts about the statement You get what you expect?  How do your own personal and professional results align with your expectations?

I am all about the power of positivity when and only when our efforts are consistent with our thinking.

In my observations and in lots of social science studies there seems to be a strong correlation between the harder we work, and the luckier we get.

EXERCISE:

How and where is it necessary to up your level of effort to match the expectations you have for yourself?

Where would raising your expectations and your level of effort be in order?

Friday Review: Expectations

Friday Review: Expectations

What expectations do you carry for yourself? How do you react to the expectations others hold for you? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

“For those who expect everything, there are many curses. For those who appreciate everything, there are many blessings.”

 

 

 

It is good to have a compass to point the way. Hold your expectation lightly and be prepared for unexpected roadblocks and detours.

 

 

 

“So many conditions of happiness are available. You don’t have to run into the future in order to get more.”

 

 

 

 

It is good to have a compass to point the way

It is good to have a compass to point the way. Hold your expectation lightly and be prepared for unexpected roadblocks and detours.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Jamie Street-

Throughout the Christmas holidays, many young children pointed their compasses toward the north pole and Santa. With high expectations for what they hoped to find under the tree, they have been pointing their recent efforts to both good decisions and behaviors.

Most of us have been disappointed by things not always turning out as we’d hoped. To navigate around various setbacks and point the way, it is helpful to keep our visions and values in mind.

Regardless of the direction we are headed, we can almost always “course correct” and find ways to give ourselves the gift of a more rewarding life.

EXERCISE:

What internal compass do you use to point the way?

How can you hold your expectations lightly and be more prepared for life’s unexpected roadblocks and detours?

So many conditions of happiness are available

“So many conditions of happiness are available. You don’t have to run into the future in order to get more.”

Thích Nhất Hạnh, late Vietnamese Thiền Buddhist monk

Image from Amazon

As part of my coaching process, I introduce my clients to a concept called “creative tension” coined by Robert Frisk in his book, The Path of Least Resistance from the early 90’s.

The idea that an envisioned or expected future has the power to excite and pull us toward it has been a classic and useful tool in leadership training and enrolling people in new opportunities for millennia. It turns out that people tend to be pretty happy and engaged when their efforts lead to progress toward a desired future.

This means of generating a sense of happiness is, however, not the only condition available to us.

EXERCISE:

How can you use your amazing memory as well as your mindfulness capacities to examine the past and present to bolster your ability to seek and find more happiness?

For those who expect everything, there are many curses

“For those who expect everything, there are many curses. For those who appreciate everything, there are many blessings.”

James Clear, Writer, Entrepreneur and Behavior Science Expert

Image from Unsplash by Yasin Yusuf

As we get older and hopefully wiser, many people come to learn that the myth of “having it all” is a lie. At some or many points in their lives, they learn that life forces us to choose and make many difficult tradeoffs.

If I say Yes to this it often means saying No to that. If I grasp this, I will likely need to let go of something else.

EXERCISE:

What have you discovered over the years regarding expecting everything versus appreciating everything? In what ways have your blessings outnumbered your curses with this added wisdom?