It’s better to bite your tongue than to eat your words

“It’s better to bite your tongue than to eat your words.”

—Frank Sonnenberg, business expert and author

Image created in Canva

An important aspect of the coaching process is to significantly increase the self awareness and mindfulness capacities of our clients. With this in mind, listening and paying attention to our inner voices and words before they are put out into the world seems to be wise counsel.

Consider just how much negativity, judgement, and criticism you hear throughout your days. How much do you find yourself contributing to this in your personal or professional communities?

EXERCISE:

Where would biting your tongue and taking an “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” approach prevent you from eating your words?

Try using the acronym W.A.I.T.: Why. Am. I. Talking. – as a technique to keep your negative inner voice on mute more often.

Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart

“Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart.”

—Charles Dickens, 19th Century English writer & social critic

Image of a man and woman in a coffee shop

Image from rawpixel on Unsplash

The alchemy of relationships, particularly close, caring relationships, is very special. Things like trust, respect, cooperation, and love aren’t so easily captured and kept in good repair.

One way to keep and enhance these heartfelt relationships thriving is to place considerable value and time in open and authentic dialogue, in which each party wishes to forward the relationship and the other individual.

When disagreement and conflict occur it is not the time to withdraw and slip into silence. This form of silence can be a death blow to a previously heart-warming relationship.

EXERCISE:

What current personal or professional relationship is most in need of open dialogue to keep and expand the open-heart feelings that may be slipping away?

Dialogue is an exchange

“Dialogue is an exchange in which people think together and discover something new.”

—George Kohlrieser, American Clinical Psychologist

Image of people conversing at a table

Image from Unsplash by Kevin Curtis

Perhaps no single skill is more important to professional and personal growth than to be a masterful communicator.

In the classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie suggests the following:

  1. Demonstrate genuine interest in others and their ideas
  2. Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves
  3. Show respect for others opinions and beliefs
  4. Avoid arguments, criticism, and judgment

EXERCISE:

They say two heads are better than one. What can you do to enhance your skills of dialogue to think far better with others and discover many new things through such interactions?

Consider picking up Carnegie’s book to learn more from this pioneer in the field of personal development.

He can Compress the Most Words

“He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met.”

—Abraham Lincoln, referring to a lawyer

Image saying "Effective Communication = big ideas expressed in small words"

How would you like to be the one talked about in today’s quote?

In a world in which efficient and effective communication is paramount to keeping up with or staying ahead of the pack, this characteristic won’t do.

One of my clients is an expert in the area of cyber-security. He has an amazing ability to communicate big and important ideas on this complex subject in simple, everyday language we can all understand. As you might guess, he has a line of people at his door, hoping he can help them navigate their cyber-security minefields.

EXERCISE:

What changes can and will you make in your communication efforts to pack the biggest ideas into the smallest word packages to better realize the levels of achievement and success you desire?

Friday Review Silence

FRIDAY REVIEW: SILENCE

How long has it been since you’ve spent time in total silence? Here are a few silence-related posts you may have missed. Click to read the full message.

 

“The answers you seek never come when the mind is busy. They come when the mind is still, when silence speaks loudest.”

 

 

 

“Silence is one of the great arts of communication.”

 

 

 

 

“Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.”

 

 

 

 

Raise Your Words

“Raise your words not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers not thunder.”

-Rumi, 13th-century Persian poet, theologian, and Sufi mystic

Image from www.stuckindc.com

Image from www.stuckindc.com

A fundamental conversation I have with each new coaching client involves the qualities and characteristics of effective leaders.

The characteristics describing effective leaders include: visionary, passionate, inspiring, empowering, service-oriented, having integrity, and being approachable. The words these leaders use to speak about their views of a better future are like the rain to a flower. They help people and organizations grow.

Alternatively, we have all seen the “Thundering Taskmaster” types who repress and suppress those around them and often create environments of fear, intimidation, and retribution.

EXERCISE:

What can you do to be the kind of leader that attracts followers by raising your words rather than your voice?

“Be brave enough…”

“Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.”

—Author Unknown

QC #889

One of my favorite and most recommended books on effective communications is titled “Fierce Conversations” by Susan Scott.

The word “fierce” can be defined as robust, intense, strong, powerful, passionate, eager, and unbridled – all of which point to the impact the conversation can make if held with positive intent and mastery.

The problem on many occasions is that most of us avoid such conversations due to the fear that often accompanies high-stakes situations.

EXERCISE:

Where is it necessary in either your personal or professional life to summon the courage to have more fierce conversations?

Consider reading and studying Scott’s book to tackle tough challenges, tap into your deep aspirations, and enrich the relationships that matter most in your life.

“Be a voice, not an echo.”

“Be a voice, not an echo.”

-attributed to Albert Einstein

Image from Flickr by Shawn Harquail

Image from Flickr by Shawn Harquail

For many years I have been a fan of TED talks. The subtitle for these 15-20 minute presentations is “Ideas Worth Spreading.” In recent years, this format has expanded worldwide through the TEDx format. Most major cities have held numerous conferences where local leaders and influencers give voice to their best ideas.

In a world of social media and sound bites, many of us often find ourselves reposting and retweeting, echoing ideas from others that certainly inform and entertain.

EXERCISE:

Where and in what ways can you better capture your voice and share your best ideas with others in your professional and personal communities?

If you were asked to give your own TED talk, what topic would you choose?

“Although we are responsible for…”

“Although we are responsible for our own happiness, having a friend who opens more doors than we close is truly one of life’s greatest blessings.”

-Author Unknown

 photo from ilicoreleadership.org

photo from ilicoreleadership.org

If you happen to believe the adage, “No man is an island,” today’s quote is for you. In virtually no area of human achievement do you see any great, overwhelming examples of the “Lone Ranger Approach” succeeding in the long run. And come to think of it, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto by his side.

EXERCISE:

How can you further your own happiness journey by fostering better, deeper, and more satisfying personal and professional friendships?  Where can you be an even more valuable friend and blessing to others?

“Surround yourself with people who…”

“Surround yourself with people who make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.”

—Author Unknown

Photo from lovetoknow.com

Photo from lovetoknow.com

Over the years I have repeatedly heard that each of us is a close reflection of the five people with whom we spend the most time.

If this is true—or at least somewhat accurate—examine your five most prominent personal and professional relationships to see how they make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.

One way to progress in this area is to give the same support back to those five people, simply because you can. By making such an investment in others, I hope you will discover the wondrous gift of reciprocity that will leave you with even more than when you began.

EXERCISE:

Share this quote with at least one person in your personal and/or professional life. Please share with them your sincere desire to contribute to their life. Be prepared to let them know how to best support you when they ask.