“You can’t judge my choices without understanding my reasons.”
Without question, judging others and being critical is one of the most common reasons people give when they talk about unsatisfying or destructive relationships.
Unfortunately, this happens daily to some degree, to most of us. A key reason for the universality of this behavior is our constant filtering. We look at the choices of others through our own perception of what is right or wrong, good or bad.
Being genuinely interested in another person’s points of view and seeking to fully understand their perspective lessens the level of judgement and creates greater relationship harmony.
Try this four-step exercise when interacting with others, to assist you in taking greater responsibility for making your relationships stronger.
- Be aware of your internal voice when listening to others, and notice if this voice is supportive or critical.
- Examine your listening. Can you mirror what the other person said and meant?
- Ask yourself: What is good and valuable in what they are saying?
- Limit your interruptions to those questions that will give you greater clarity and understanding.