“In about the same degree as you are helpful you will be happy.”

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“In about the same degree as you are helpful you will be happy.”

– Karl Reiland

Have you ever noticed that the people who have the most things are often not very happy? Many times, they are downright miserable and no amount of “more” seems to fill their emptiness.

The givers and helpers of the world seem to have a greater sense of contentment and satisfaction with life, even if they come from modest means.

It appears that a life focused on others versus on oneself provides for greater fulfillment.

Exercise:

Experiment by having a “helping day” today where you go out of your way to be extra helpful to friends, family and colleagues.

Put your random acts of kindness on overdrive and notice the reaction that others have – and just as importantly, notice the many smiles that find their way onto your face.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today – today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.”

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“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today – today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.”

– Babatunde Olatunji, Nigerian drummer and social activist

With the holiday season upon us, this little quote seems timely. I’m not big on standing in long lines, even if it is to get a great bargain – and most of my readers know that a great gift for me is a remarkable book, to learn something new, or to have a unique experience.

Fun reflections on the past, and inspiring thoughts about the future, are natural for most of us. However, this quote suggests that we work on being fully present to the “nows” that occur every day.

Exercise:

Purchase a notebook or journal and name it your “now” notebook. Each evening, capture how you lived each day by being fully present to the people, events and opportunities that occur.

Before retiring, consider saying a little prayer that you get to open another wonderful present tomorrow.

“Though face and form alter with the years, I hold fast to the pearl of the mind.”

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“Though face and form alter with the years, I hold fast to the pearl of the mind.”

– Han-shan, Chinese poet

As a society, we put a high priority on what Han-shan calls “face and form”. A few months ago, I had the opportunity to see a “Where are they now?” segment on a talk show, where the guests were former highly attractive movie and TV stars.

What I noticed were considerable examples of plastic surgery, and heroic attempts to retain the “face and form” of their youth.

Fortunately, the interviewer focused the conversations around their personal growth and development, as well as their community efforts that went beyond the physical. In these discussions, it was clear that their minds were still beautiful pearls shimmering in the world beyond the surface.

Exercise:

How can you continue to hold fast and further develop your inner self and mind, and see the inevitable process of aging as simply adding a few wisdom lines here and there?

Tell me and I’ll forget

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“Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I’ll understand.”

– Chinese Proverb

Since my first job as a middle school science teacher in Philadelphia, I have always been fascinated by the process of learning. Back then, the old-school didactic method of teaching did not truly help children to grow in understanding, or to consistently retain information.

As a coach, I engage clients in a multitude of learning experiences, where practical. “On the court” involvement over a six month time frame is critical to long-term understanding.
You can find out more about my Personal Excellence Training here:

http://www.dempcoaching.com/personal-excellence-training

Exercise:

What professional and personal lessons do you most wish to learn that will make the biggest difference in your life?

How can you build greater involvement and real-world experience into the lessons, to support your desire for greater understanding and long term achievement?

“No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.”

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“No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.”

– Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the United States

Who are the most honorable people you know and admire? Take a moment and look at the people in your life that you respect and value.

Look at famous people, past and present, great leaders, and humanitarians – you know, the “Who’s Who” of mankind. Notice what contributions they made to others, to their communities, and to the world.

Exercise:

How will you use your day to give and contribute more?

Don’t be surprised if you happen to receive wonderful things in return.

“When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.”

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“When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.”

—John Ruskin, English artist and art critic

Image from Unsplash by Jose de la Cruz

We all know people who are self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic and arrogant. Most people have at least a trace of these attributes. A typical reaction we have with these people is to withdraw and to avoid them. When people exhibit these behaviors, their worlds become small packages.

When we become far more interested in the lives of others – including family, friends and colleagues – our world expands exponentially.

Exercise:

How many people would attend your funeral, or attend a party that would celebrate your life?

If the people in your life were to write a eulogy for you, what would you like it to say?

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

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“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

– Robert Fulghum, author

We have all heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words.” My wife Wendy and I have been very fortunate to raise two wonderful children who are now on their own as young adults. Although we no longer see them as often as we did when they lived at home, when we do get to visit together, we are pleased to see the effects of many of the lessons we tried to impart throughout the years.

Even though we were not always sure that the messages were getting through, we are delighted to see them living consistently with many of the behaviors we demonstrated through our daily actions.

Exercise:

What do your children and the people in your life observe in your daily actions? How pleased would you be to see them behaving in the same manner?

What adjustments can you make to your actions to have the impact you wish to have?

“Great men are rarely isolated mountain-peaks; they are the summits of ranges.”

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“Great men are rarely isolated mountain-peaks; they are the summits of ranges.”

– Thomas W. Higginson, Unitarian minister and abolitionist

In July of this year, we vacationed in New Hampshire. We found it to be one of the most beautiful places in New England. During our visit, we experienced the thrill of taking the famous cog railroad up to the summit of Mount Washington, the highest peak in the North-East United States.

Among breathtaking views, we could also view Mount Adams, Mount Jefferson and many others – all part of the White Mountain range.

Exercise:

Who are some of the great men and women in your life? How have you been part of their greatness?

How have they supported you in being your best? What future great peaks could you pursue together?

“Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.”

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“Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.”

– African proverb

Where we fall and where we slip are often not the same place. Slipping always occurs before the fall – and therefore happens at a place where there may be something we can do to potentially prevent the fall.

Consider the following:

  • Sensing through a body gesture or the tone of someone’s voice that an important conversation is headed to an icy patch.
  • You step onto the bathroom scale, or your last physical provides you feedback that your health is headed in an undesirable direction.

Exercise:

What clues is your world sending you daily that indicate a fall may be coming?
How can you learn to avoid the slippery patches in the first place?

“I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.”

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“I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.”

– George S. Patton, US general in World War II

My dad loves golf. He loves to play it and he loves to watch it. Recently, while watching a tournament together, I noticed the commentator describing the characteristics of a golfer. In talking about him, they referred to a term known as the “bounce-back factor.” This term refers to the ability to achieve a birdie or eagle after a bogey or double-bogey on the previous hole.

Rarely in golf or life do we experience bogey-free rounds or successes without setbacks. Our ability to experience these events and bounce back with resilience and resolve, as Patton suggests, is a measure of success.

Exercise:

How often and how long do you stay down when faced with life’s setbacks? What strategies can you employ to bounce back even higher and faster in the future?