Be who you are

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“Be who you are, say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

– Dr. Seuss, children’s author

Be authentic. Or, as Shakespeare said it, “To thine own self be true.”

But what if people don’t like us, or even reject us? There has never been a person who  pleased everyone. The best we can do is to please first ourselves and then those in our lives who truly matter.

Stop being a chameleon, constantly trying to change in order to please those around you. In fact, it is the natural human state of things to become more of who you truly are.

Exercise:

Determine what you value, what really makes you tick and your fundamental beliefs – and shout them from the rooftops. The people who matter will pick up your signal, and those who don’t were never really tuned in the first place.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

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“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

—Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist

Image from Twitter

As humans, we have a unique capacity to think and to interpret our world. In this regard, we are also time travelers: we can envision the beginning of time and the Big Bang all the way to, perhaps, the end of our universe.

Let’s get real for a moment. This is not what we actually do on a daily basis, except for theoretical physicists. We do, however, visit the past often and fortunately or unfortunately, relive it. We often live in the future of possibility and “what if” and lose what’s right in front of us and the “now.”

Exercise:

How can you use the lessons of the past to live a more fulfilling life today?

How can your hopes and dreams for the future help you take action today to realize your tomorrows?

How can you savor each and every moment of today as a glorious bridge between the past and the future?

“You cannot dream yourself into a character…”

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“You cannot dream yourself into a character, you must hammer and forge yourself into one.”

– James Anthony Froude, English historian

QC #1021a

Image from Flickr by Hans Splinter

We sometimes hope for a quick-fix that will resolve our problems, and dream of how our future lives would look.  If only we could find that magic bullet!

Dreaming is important, as is having a vision. But neither comes to pass without the work it takes to realize our dreams.

The great leaders and people of our time had dreams and shared their visions. To realize those visions, though, they all worked hard, and put in tremendous effort over many years. These people of character have the bumps, bruises and calluses to show for it.

Here is a secret: Find something of extraordinary value and meaning in your life. Pursue something you truly love to do, and you will enjoy the process.

Exercise:

What do you envision and dream about that would be worth a lifetime of hard labor?

#49: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

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 – Wayne Dyer, self-help author and motivational speaker

We have all heard the phrase “perception is reality.” But what if we are only our perception and there is no fundamental reality?

One way to test this idea is to see if any reality can exist if no-one perceives it. If a tree falls in the woods … you know the rest.

I’m not really interested in discussing semantics but in discussing the practical implementation of ideas. Do they work and are they applicable in our world?

Look at great thinkers like Einstein and Edison for similar wisdom to Wayne Dyer’s: what we see as problems can be opportunities. Failure can be just another way not to do something.

Exercise:

Look at two or three difficulties you’re currently facing in a more optimistic, creative and novel way. How can you change them simply by changing the way you look at them?

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#48: “It’s not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong…”

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“… not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.”

– Francis Bacon, philosopher

Stickiness and sustainability are words that describe an enduring quality of something. A good example of the lack of stickiness is a New Year’s resolution: at least 90% of resolutions fail.

What factors help us digest, save and remember the important lessons to make our intentions truly stick? The literature seems to lead us towards the development of habits as a key to sustainability.

Through consistent application of practices and lessons, we develop the muscle memory to incorporate these ideas and behaviors into our DNA. The things we consciously want become unconsciously incorporated into our very being.

Exercise:

What two or three habits would make the biggest difference in your life? How could you take action to develop these over the next three – six months?

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#47: “How far that little candle throws his beams!”

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“So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

– William Shakespeare, playwright

What if we look at ourselves as candles (or for a modern twist, light bulbs)? What if good deeds and acts of service are examples of turning up the wattage to shed more light in areas of shadow or darkness?

Exercise:

What areas of your life (or the world) need greater illumination? What are your personal beams of light that you can share with your world to make it brighter and a little less weary?

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#46: “Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them…”

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“… Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. But with the best leaders, when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say, ‘We have done this ourselves.’ ”

– Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism

I have been a student of leadership for most of my adult life. I’ve always been fascinated by how leaders generate buy-in, alignment, loyalty, and shared vision. Lao Tzu’s quote points to a critical characteristic about leadership: people are most likely to buy-in when they have been actively involved in the creative process.

When people see their own ideas and fingerprints on the work, they have a sense of ownership that feels true and genuine.

Exercise:

Where in your work, family, and community can you draw on others to create the futures you desire? As long as you get there, who cares who gets the credit?

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#45: “Not everything that is faced can be changed…”

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“…but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

– James Arthur Baldwin, author and activist

Like most people, I do a lot of thinking about the world: about what I like and about what I don’t like. This includes thinking about myself. Thinking is a starting point for changing something in our world and in ourselves.

As this statement suggests, not everything can be changed. Rather than seeing ourselves as weak or powerless to change things, we must move beyond thinking to acting on our commitments. We need to act, alone or together, to change the things that we can.

Exercise:

Where in your world can you move beyond thinking about change and face it head-on to realize the change you desire?

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#44: “You can only adjust your course after you launch.”

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– Brian Tracy, self-help author and motivational speaker (attributed)

Too many of us want guarantees in life. We want to be sure we win, get the right answer, arrive at the correct destination, even marry the right person. How many of us have failed in our lives, because we did not launch or take the risk of beginning something without any guarantee?

I began writing only a short time ago, not realizing that I could make each thing I wrote better through receiving coaching and counsel and therefore adjusting my course.

Exercise:

Where in your personal or professional life have you been reluctant to launch?

Consider how you might launch now and adjust your course later.

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#43: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life…”

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“…It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

– Melody Beattie, self-help author

This quote seems to stand on its own. Answer these two open-ended questions and complete the exercise to explore its depths.

How can you shift your desire for more to being thankful with what you have?

How can you stop resisting the life that is before you, and allow and accept what is?

Exercise:

Make a list of all the things, people, and blessings you can be grateful for.

Please add the sheer blessing of being alive to your list – for without this, you would not be doing the exercise!

Quotes are posted on The Quotable Coach a week after being sent out by email. To get the latest quotes straight to your inbox, pop your details in the sidebar to the right.