Category Archives: Communication

“There is a world of communication which is not dependent on words.”

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“There is a world of communication which is not dependent on words.”

– Mary Martin, American actress

497Image from Flickr by sneetchbeach

My wife Wendy is a master at reading my non-verbal communication. She has a sixth sense that has the uncanny ability to transcribe my inner voice when I come back with the phrase, “I didn’t say anything.”

Consider the following non-verbal cues that are exhibited by all of us and that can have a significant impact on our most important personal and professional relationships:

1. Good eye contact communicates your level of involvement, interest and warmth.

2. Facial expressions can convey many emotions, including anger, contempt, disgust, happiness, sadness, fear and surprise. What messages have you been sending today?

3. Body orientation can demonstrate attentiveness and openness by leaning in, or disinterest or disrespect by angling away or by crossing your arms or legs.

Exercise:

Ask your family members and colleagues who are close to you for their genuine feedback on your non-verbal communication.

Learning to “listen with your eyes” to non-verbal cues can also help you improve your relationships with others by telling you when they have a question, want to say something, agree or disagree, or are perhaps having an emotional response that may need exploration.

A resource that I have on my bookshelf is Emotions Revealed (www.amazon.com/Emotions-Revealed-Recognizing-Communication-Emotional/dp/080507516X) by Paul Ekmen, which Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink and The Tipping Point, praises as “a tour de force.”

Trust is the glue of life

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“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

– Stephen Covey, American self-help author

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image from Flicker by Sam Catch

Trust is not something built with a quick-fix technique. It is developed through consistent habits in your personal and organizational interactions.

Exercise:

On a 1to 10 scale (1 = low 10 = high), how well do you exhibit the following behavior patterns, gluing your relationships together?

1. You avoid hidden agendas and are seen as open and transparent in your interactions.

2. You are sincere, honest, and demonstrate integrity through your words and actions.

3. You focus on giving versus getting, with the best interest of others in mind.

4. You invest your time in others and make their interests your interests.

5. You treat others with respect, dignity, and honor.

6. You take responsibility for mistakes (without making excuses) and clean things up quickly.

7. You are open and receptive to the feedback and contributions that others offer to you.

EXERCISE:

To dig a bit further into the issue of trust, consider taking my “Trust-o-Meter” assessment

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

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“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

– George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright

495Image from Flickr by garryknight.

Imagine that you have just had what you believe to be a highly successful conversation with someone in either your personal or professional life. You are absolutely positive that your communication to the other person was crisp and clear in every detail, and that you listened to each and every nuance that was spoken …

… only to find that it was all an illusion.

What went wrong and how can you improve the odds of success in the future?

Exercise:

Try the following four-step technique the next time you absolutely need to be sure that your communication is as effective as possible.

1. Be clear about what each of you wish to achieve before you start.

2. Listen even more intently to be sure you understand what the other person is saying. Be sure to share your understanding before you move on to the other points which you wish to make, by asking better questions that demonstrate your sincere interest.

3. Determine which mode of communication is optimal for results you desire. Today we have email, text, social media, phone, video and of course face-to-face to choose from – all of which have their benefits and their challenges. To increase your odds of success, consider doubling or triple communicating using multiple channels – and pay particular attention to the channel your conversational partner prefers.

4. Finally, take responsibility for all communications being successful by putting yourself in the position of your partner, so that they as well as you achieve the desired results.

“It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear that counts.”

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“It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear that counts.”

– Unknown

453Image from Flickr by brizzle born and bred.

Learning how to communicate effectively is perhaps the highest priority for most individuals and organizations entering a coaching relationship. This may not be what they originally emphasize in the first meeting – instead they tell the coach they want to improve sales, productivity and quality.However, beneath most forms of achievement is a foundation of effective communication – and a critical subset of it is to truly hear and understand others.  A technique to improve your odds of being heard is to practice and master the art of listening to others first.

Listening to others is like emptying the other person’s “expression cup.” When we let others fully express their ideas, we create space for our opinions to enter the open spaces in their minds – especially if these are on the same topic as their ideas.

Exercise:

To turbo-charge your relationship skills and your communication mastery in the year ahead, look to your own ability to honor each and everyone you meet.

Seek to listen and understand others before you seek to be heard by them.

You may wish to download my Masterful Relationships workbook, which includes extra guidance on active listening. Go to http://www.dempcoaching.com/download-your-free-workbooks and enter the password barrydemp (all lower-case).

From Dan Reiland – pastor and pastor’s coach

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“Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.”

– Dan Reiland, pastor and pastor’s coach

I know of few more profound truths than this, to support both personal and professional success.

Focus on others, show genuine interest, truly listen, and let them express themselves freely. Look for the value in their ideas and stop interrupting them to share your next brilliant thought. When you do these things, magic happens.

It’s amazing that when people feel great about themselves in your presence, they feel a greater affinity for you as a source of this feeling.

Exercise:

Send me an email with the subject “Communication Toolbox” and I will send you a free copy of six simple and powerful techniques to take your personal and professional relationships to the next level.