Category Archives: Relationships

Attending to and amplifying our senses in the moment

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Attending to and amplifying our senses in the moment helps us capture and keep our memories.

—Calm App Reflection

Barry with his Son-in-law and grandkids

During our Father’s Day holiday, we were fortunate to celebrate with beautiful weather and time swimming with family.  After sunscreen is applied, it’s the wet stuff until Mother Nature calls!

Following these quick breaks and a fast bite, it’s right back into the pool to dive for colorful plastic rings, float on tubes, and some chicken, star, rocket practice for our 2 ½ year old granddaughter.

As the day wound down, my grandchildren were given a gift from their older cousins. Inside a hatbox sized container were a variety of superhero capes and masks that they were clearly too old for, at the ages of 10 and 11.

In minutes both kids — and some of us older kids — were playfully dancing together to make a memory we’ll never forget.

EXERCISE:

Where and when were you last fully tuned into your senses?

How did this amplification of the moment help you capture this never to be forgotten event?

The more you are interested in others, the more interesting they find you

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“The more you are interested in others, the more interesting they find you.  To be interesting, be interested.”

—Kevin Kelly, Author of Improvised Life

Image from Unsplash by Towfiqu barbhuiya

How do you demonstrate your sincere interest in others? A quick and easy coaching technique is to master your use of open-ended questions.

Placing the words who, what, where, when, why, or how at the beginning of these questions works magic because they cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.

To go a bit deeper and discover more about these people, layer with another open-ended question by using a piece of their initial answer. Doing so shows that that we are listening, and honor their views and perspectives.

Beneath these two approaches is the fact that you are showing genuine interest in their favorite subject, which for virtually all of us is ourselves.

EXERCISE:

If you are interested in more tools to enhance your relationship skills, please email barry@dempcoaching.com with the subject Communication Tools/ Masterful Relationships

 

Explore your trustworthiness

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Explore your trustworthiness. From there look for this and other similar qualities in yourself and others.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by KVST

They say Birds of a Feather Flock Together. What kind of bird are you? Create a list of different birds and see what qualities come to mind when you personify their attributes.

Here is a short list to get you started:

  • An eagle
  • A flamingo
  • A penguin
  • An owl
  • A seagull
  • A swallow

EXERCISE:

What bird(s) best personify you?

What qualities do they represent, and how have you applied those qualities to attract others into your flock or tribe?

Who are the people who make you think and laugh

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“Who are the people who make you think and laugh? Be the person who takes the initiative and reach out to them.”

—Michael Bungay Stainer discussion with Chip Conley

Image from Unsplash by Surface

I believe the quality of our lives is highly correlated with what we do and those with whom we do them.

For most of us, it is often difficult spending all the time we wish with our favorite people.

We trade our valuable time for other priorities, and often must compromise and settle.

EXERCISE:

How often do you take the initiative to reach out and stay connected to the special people who make you smile and keep you on your toes?

How can you let these people know how important they are so they can also take the initiative to pull you away from people and things not meant for you?

“I’m hungry to find people who are hungry.”

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“I’m hungry to find people who are hungry.”

—Michael Bungay Stainer, author of The Coaching Habit

Image from Unsplash by Maddi Bazzocco

Going out to eat is a primary pastime during our winter months in Florida.

My preference is to experiment with a wide variety of restaurants and types of food to keep things interesting.

One of my favorite places to go for lunch is an Asian buffet called Chow Time.

Our good friend Mitch has a robust appetite for both food and stimulating conversation. It’s nice to have our hunger satisfied beyond the many items being served over the numerous hours we spend in each other’s company!

EXERCISE:

Who are the people in your life that feed your mind and nourish your soul?

How can you spend more time with these special people — perhaps over a delicious meal?

To experience the “Givers Glow” and the “Helpers Halo,” offer

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To experience the “Givers Glow” and the “Helpers Halo,” offer your acts of service and support in direct and specific ways.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Maria Ziegler

A close friend of ours was recently hospitalized. We live in the same building and after her first call to 911, she called us.

As part of our mutual friendship, we exchange keys to one another’s condos to let ourselves in and support one another when there is a need.

In addition to our visits to the hospital, daily check ins, and making a few of her favorite foods when she got home, she kept recounting that getting to her so quickly was the key to knowing she was going to be OK.

EXERCISE:

What direct and specific acts of support and service are the keys to open the doors of your most important relationships?

It’s a real pleasure to earn the trust of your customers

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“It’s a real pleasure to earn the trust of your customers slowly over time by doing what’s right.”

—Charlie Munger, late American businessman and philanthropist

Image from Unsplash by krakenimages

In the early years of my coaching career most of my time was spent networking and pursuing various business development activities.

Back then the world saw coaching as an activity only related to sports. The idea of a business or life coach seemed weird and a bit too far out to be widely accepted.

To capture my efforts, I used a customer relationship management software called ACT and LinkedIn to keep track of things.

In numerous cases it took years of steady and consistent effort and doing things right to build the necessary trust to eventually establish the partnerships to move forward.

EXERCISE:

What is an example of a relationship you created over time that was built on integrity and doing things right?

Please  email me at barry@dempcoaching.com if you would like copies of my Masterful Networking and Masterful Relationships workbooks.

“The more I love my wife, the more I love my life.”

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“The more I love my wife, the more I love my life.”

—Jon Gordon, American author and speaker

Barry (Many Years Ago)

 

Who hasn’t heard the phrase Happy Wife, Happy Life?

If our lives are a reflection of the five people with whom we spend the most time, this idea is worth a bit more pondering for us married folk.

Wendy and I are coming up on our 45th anniversary. Like most marriages that stand the test of time, we’ve been through a lot.

if you were to look at our wedding album you would see me with a full head of hair! If you knew us well, you might also note that none of the other couples in our wedding party are still together.

Living our vows and prioritizing each other on a daily basis keeps our relationship solid.

Being each other’s “person” is a key to all the smiles that create the happy wrinkles that come along for the ride.

EXERCISE:

Where and how often do you make your significant other your top priority?

What can you do today to demonstrate your love and live happily ever after?

It is through collaboration not competition that we survive and thrive. We are better together.

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It is through collaboration not competition that we survive and thrive. We are better together.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Duy Pham

Have you ever investigated the secrets of living a long and happy life?

Numerous factors lead to longevity, but only one stands at the top.

Beyond a healthy diet, regular exercise, a sense of purpose, and various spiritual pursuits, it’s our relationships that offer us a few more times around the sun.

It’s our families, friends, and other communities that are there in good times and bad.

When we sometimes fall, it’s a neighbor or other special person checking in on us to make sure we are OK that often saves the day.

EXERCISE:

How rich and rewarding are your relationships and community interactions?

What new and different approaches can you take — now and in the future — to have your life be better when you get together?

I only start counting sit ups once it begins to hurt.

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“I only start counting sit ups once it begins to hurt.”

—Muhammad Ali, 20th Century American Boxer and activist

Image from Unsplash by Anastase Maragos

In the early years of my coaching career, I was fortunate to be selected for an amazing assignment — to coach the CEO of an exciting start-up tech company.

I was referred to this individual by another CEO I had been coaching for years, and who happened to be an angel investor in his organization.

Our relationship got off to a wobbly start and we needed a number of check-in sessions to sort out a few areas of misalignment.

The client, who was very direct, eventually told me that he wanted to “feel the burn” in our efforts, much like a personal trainer would do when working with their athletes.

EXERCISE:

In what area of your life would feeling the burn and some pain from your efforts lead you to the gains you seek?