“The best mirror is a friend’s eye.”
Rachel & Lesley (l) — Lesley & Ella (r)
My daughter Rachel’s best friend recently came for a surprise visit to see her, and to meet her new goddaughter, Ella.
Lesley and Rachel call each other Big Sis and Little Sis, and have been very close since grade school.
An elaborate plan for this visit was first orchestrated in November. With many of us playing our part, we accomplished the jaw dropping, tear-filled reunion.
Watching these two best friends reconnect over the next few days was a great gift for us as well.
Where and when have you experienced the value and joy of having a best friend? In what fun ways can you surprise them and show how very much they have meant to you over the years?
“To be a good fisherman you must detach yourself from the dream of the fish. This makes whatever is caught or found a treasure.”
Image from Unsplash by NOAA
I have a client and good friend named Rich, who loves to fish. Hearing him talk about his passion is a blast. Last year, he invited me to join him in his passion at a local lake.
With an early start on a promising day, we switched places and Rich became my coach. During our five-hour excursion he caught numerous fish and I — with all my giggling — came up with a single small-mouth bass, just prior to us calling it a day. Later, over a meal, I came to the realization that it was our treasured friendship that was the big fish I caught that day.
Where have you caught or discovered new things to celebrate and appreciate on your way to some other intended place? Where might detaching yourself from things you expect open you up to new people and experiences to treasure?
“The man or woman who treasurers his friends is usually solid gold himself.”
—Marjorie Holmes, 20th Century American columnist & author
Two of our most treasured friends live near Poughkeepsie, New York. Wendy and I first met Emmy and Clark in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Every August since 1984 we’ve joined them for a week at our annual timeshare, Shawnee on the Delaware. Beyond these annual vacations, we have stayed in touch to share many happy times, including birthdays, BBQs and other family celebrations.
Over the years, Emmy has sent us hundreds of handmade, personalized purple cards, to let us know we are in her thoughts. During some of our most challenging times, we would receive these “Pick Me Up” purple messages each week.
Who are the solid gold friends in your life? What purple card-like gesture can you offer these special people to more fully demonstrate how much you treasure them?
“Politeness is an inexpensive way of making friends.”
—William A. Feather, 20th Century American publisher and author
Image from csbcorrespondent.com
How familiar are you with the 10 / 5 Rule?
In the hospitality industry, this rule dictates that when a staff member is ten feet from a guest, they smile and make direct eye contact.
When a staff member is within five feet, they greet the guest with a salutation such as Hello or Good Morning.
My modified version of this rule takes place on my daily morning walks when I wave at the people in cars and say hello to my fellow walkers and their dogs, making sure we are at least six feet apart.
Where and in what ways can and will you apply the polite no-cost gesture of the 10/5 Rule in your world, to make a few more friends?
“Probably the most neglected friend you have is you.”
—L. Ron Hubbard, Founder of the Church of Scientology
Image from Flickr by joelleen
Who are your very closest and best friends? Take a moment to list them by name. You may even choose to look back to your school years, and the different cities or towns in which you have lived throughout your life.
Did you put yourself on the list?
If you didn’t, you are not alone.
For some reason, the majority of people who take on this exercise rarely include themselves.
What are the reasons for the omission?
Why do so many of us neglect, ignore, or simply not consider our relationship with ourselves of paramount importance?
How and in what ways can you befriend yourself far more, from this point forward?
Consider reversing the Golden Rule and do for yourself what you do for others, as a starting point.
“Friendship consists of a willing ear, an understanding heart, and a helping hand.”
—Frank Tyger, American Cartoonist and columnist
Image from Unsplash by Matheus Ferrero
During my signature Personal Excellence Training program, new clients identify the most valued and important professional and personal relationships they intend to enhance through our coaching efforts.
When it comes to deep and meaningful friendships, I notice my male clients have fewer than my female clients. Yet men and women alike say they have a sense of diminished fulfillment, in terms of friendships, than they had at earlier points in their lives.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “To have a friend we must be a friend.”
With whom can you make an extra effort to offer a willing ear, an understanding heart, or a helpful hand, to realize more of the close and caring friendships you desire?
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.”
-A Farmers Almanac Philosofact
image from The Storage Facilitator
If you are a fan of Shakespeare, consider the advice Polonius provides to his son Laertes in Act I, Scene III of Hamlet:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend.
What has been your experience with such matters? Where did things work out just fine, and where did things go wrong?
How do these sayings influence your point of view and perspective on being generous and helping others in need?
Consider responding to this post with your thoughts or perhaps discuss your view on this subject with a friend.
“I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.”
⏤Abraham Lincoln,16th President of the United States
Image from Flickr by Jim Grey
Perhaps no other single factor beyond personal motivation contributes more to eventual success than social support. This includes friends, family, teachers, mentors, and other encouraging individuals. Lincoln, often considered one of our finest presidents, attributed his success⏤which included many bumps in the road⏤to a loyal and supportive friendship.
Who are the individuals that are always there to support and encourage you to be your very best? Consider thanking them today, and let them know the difference they make.
How can you pay it forward by being the friend who believes in the highest potential of others? Perhaps there is a future Lincoln in the bunch!
“A friend is a person before whom I may think aloud.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson, 19th Century American Essayist
Image from www.lesaviezvous.net
How many true friends do you have?
I recently had a coaching session with a new client. He expressed a sense of emptiness due to a lack of true friends in his life, the surface nature of many of his relationships, and the significant lack of depth in his professional and personal discussions.
He also noted the need for greater courage and vulnerability, should he choose to open himself up and chance the risk of being judged.
Examine your own risk/reward ratio of thinking aloud more often, to develop and expand the friendships that can enhance your life.