“To give of yourself is much more important than giving a gift you can buy.”

“To give of yourself is much more important than giving a gift you can buy.”

—Steve Wozniak, Co-Founder of Apple, Inc.

WARNING! There will be a test at the end of this post!

Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, has sold over 12 million copies and has been a #1 New York Times best seller for over 8 years. It has received over 14,000 reviews on Amazon, with 94% being 5 or 4 stars. And given its universal appeal to people around the world, it has been translated into 50 languages. The five languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Gifts
  5. Quality Time

Please note that only one out of the five languages is about gifts, and a subset are hand-made rather than bought.


How and in what additional ways can you more fully give of yourself to demonstrate your love of family, friends and others you care about?

Please consider taking the Five Love Languages test and share this expertise with those closest to you to discover their love preferences.

Friday Review Love


What does “love” really mean? How does it affect your decisions and life? Here are a few posts about love you may have missed. Click the links to read the full messages.

“Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand.”





“Love the giver more than the gift.”





“At the end of our lives we will ask, ‘Did I Live? Did I Love? Did I Matter?’”






live love matter

“At the end of our lives we will all ask, ‘Did I Live? Did I Love? Did I Matter?’”

—Brendon Burchard, American Motivational Author

Thinking business woman looking up on many bubbles with question marks on a grey background

Image from careerconfidential.com

Don’t wait a second more!

Ask these questions immediately. Don’t stop asking them until you discover the answer and do something about it, if your answer is not to your liking.

Take some time to deeply explore what it truly means to live, to love, and to matter.

Consider taking a look at the people you respect and admire, who could set an example for you to follow. Start spending more time with these people and let their expansive efforts, living, and loving soak right into your bones.


As you continue to live more fully a life with no regrets, how can you help others you care deeply about do the same?

Love will draw

“Love will draw an elephant through a key hole.”

-Samuel Richardson, 18th Century English Writer

Image from quotesgram.com

Image from quotesgram.com

The image of an elephant being drawn through a key hole is difficult to grasp. How could the largest land creature, whose weight can exceed ten tons and whose heights reaching almost four meters, get through such a tiny opening?

The power of love is without question the source of miracles that often cannot be understood from a place of normal reasoning and logic.

When Lawrence Anthony, author of The Elephant Whisperer, passed away, the herd of wild elephants he had lived with for years came to his home to mourn him—a clear sign of their love for him, and their awareness of his passing.


Where have you observed the miraculous power of love in your life?

How and where would demonstrating even greater love in your world make the biggest difference?

Love the Giver

“Love the giver more than the gift.”

-Brigham Young, founder of the Latter Day Saints

QC #965Years ago, I read The Five Love Languages to enhance my relationship with my wife Wendy. I still recommend this book to coaching clients who wish a better understanding of their partners. The gist is that there are different ways to show love. We almost always choose to show love in the way we like to receive it.

By tuning into the offerings of others, we can embrace their gifts in the way they are intended, instead of missing the message because we are not speaking the same love language.


How could you fully love the givers in your life by embracing every gift they have to offer, in the love language that fits them?

You Cannot Master

“Though you can love what you do not master, you cannot master what you do not love.”

—Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher and Social Critic

Photo from makesafetyfun.com

Photo from makesafetyfun.com

Generally, the people who experience the greatest success and fulfillment in their professional lives demonstrated three key factors:

  1. They are enthusiastic and passionate about their work. Many would engage in whatever it is they do even if the monetary rewards were more modest.
  2. Because they love what they do, they commit massive amounts of time to the practice, and eventual mastery, of the skills involved.
  3. The final piece that accompanies this love and mastery is often the value ascribed to it by the meritocracy in which we live, and the rewards we often receive. How much is it worth in dollars and cents?


How and in what ways can doing more of what you love lead you toward a life of greater mastery and success? Consider reading one or more of these books, which speak in one form or another, to the spirit of today’s quote:

What to Do When it’s Your Turn by Seth Godin
Linchpin by Seth Godin
Happier  by Tal Ben-Shahar
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben

“I Love Cooking for…”

“I love cooking for myself and cooking for my family.”

—Al Roker, NBC weather anchor

photo from Flickr by Nicole Abalde

photo from Flickr by Nicole Abalde

From my youth, I have loved to cook, often helping my mom during holidays or on weekends. We would frequently create a production-line to make and freeze dishes for future meals.

As a teenager, I worked for Colonel Sanders cooking Kentucky Fried Chicken, then at several delicatessens, and as a baker’s apprentice at a restaurant/bakery.

As an adult, I delight in the creative aspects of cooking. I love the limitless combinations of ingredients, and the resulting aromas and tastes.

By far, the greatest pleasure comes from sharing my passion with those I love, especially my family. For me, cooking is a special love language, in which I literally serve those I care about most deeply.


In what ways do you express your love for those you care about most?

Consider picking up a copy of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In these pages, you can explore how best to demonstrate your love, and receive the love others are sending your way.

“Because of a great love, one is courageous.”

“Because of a great love, one is courageous.”

– Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism

590“Operating outside your comfort zone” is perhaps one of the most commonly used phrases in the coaching and professional development industries.

Unfortunately, the overuse of this concept means it sometimes sounds a bit trite, and it often gets overlooked or neglected due to its familiarity.

The quote above by Lao Tzu points to a primary reason why we decide to be courageous and stretch beyond our current state.


Examine the relationship of love and commitment as a source of courage in your professional and personal life. Notice where this courage mobilizes you to take the necessary risk to move outside your current self-imposed limitations.

For extra credit, consider emailing me (barry@dempcoaching.com) with some phrase you have heard, or used, as an alternative to “operating outside your comfort zone.”

For instance, I often use the question, “Where does your commitment supersede your comfort?”

“Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand.”

“Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand.”

—Mother Teresa, Catholic saint and Nobel peace prize winner

Image from Flickr by Skyseeker

I do the majority of the food shopping in my family. When I was a young boy, my mom would often take us to the supermarket where we would get a little coaching on how to pick the best produce – including the ripest and sweetest fruits, in season, of course.

Today’s mega-markets have all types of fruits in all seasons due to the advent of worldwide distribution channels. In many ways, these varieties seem a bit less tasty due to the processing required to have them make their considerable journeys.

Love, as Mother Teresa suggests, is the choicest fruit and is always at hand in every season. We don’t even need to go to the market to fill our lives and homes with its sweetness and abundance.


Love not only makes the world go round but also makes the ride worthwhile. How can and will you sweeten your life and the lives of others today, and throughout every season?

“The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. And the best time to love is now.”

“The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. And the best time to love is now.”

– Rick Warren, Christian pastor and author

In the world of business and executive coaching, the subject of love is rarely discussed in great depth. In the field of life or personal coaching, it’s far more acceptable and often very welcomed.

Many coaches, including myself, believe that all coaching is life coaching, with variable degrees of focus on the areas of greatest importance. When you dig into these areas, of course, what you then discover is that foundation of love.


How can you stand on a foundation of love and give your time to those things you care deeply about – now?