Category Archives: control

“Helping is the sunny side of control.”

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“Helping is the sunny side of control.”

—Anne Lamott, American novelist, essayist, and political activist

Image from Unsplash by Thomas Gaertner

Offering help can seem positive, but when it’s used as a subtle form of control, it brings real risk.

Over-helping can undermine a person’s autonomy, robbing them of the chance to learn and grow through their own experiences. This can foster dependency, making it harder for people to solve problems on their own and eroding their confidence.

Relationships may suffer too, as recipients feel patronized or resentful, while “helpers” risk burnout and can lose their sense of self.

Blurred boundaries often follow, making it tough to tell genuine support from intrusive interference.

Ultimately, even well-intended help can harm both giver and receiver if it crosses the line.

EXERCISE:

Where in your world do you notice the not so sunny side of helping others?

How can you make sure your assistance empowers instead of controls others in your personal and professional communities?

Sometimes it’s nice to let life unfold without having to do anything

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Sometimes it’s nice to let life unfold without having to do anything.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Ed Stone

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is simply let life unfold naturally. In a world that constantly urges us to hustle, plan, and control every outcome, pausing to embrace the flow can be incredibly refreshing.

Not every moment requires action or decision. Trusting life allows us to find peace in uncertainty and discover opportunities we might have missed while rushing.

Today’s quote is a gentle invitation to slow down, breathe, and appreciate the present as it is.

By surrendering control occasionally, we open ourselves to growth, creativity, and unexpected joy. Life’s beauty often reveals itself when we stop trying so hard to shape it.

EXERCISE:

What are some ways that you can recognize and accept that there is a natural order to life and that you cannot control everything?

Try starting out each day with a blank slate and allow life’s unfolding guide the way.

 

Being on autopilot can be useful in many situations

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Being on autopilot can be useful in many situations. On other occasions, it is necessary to grab the wheel of your life and do your own driving.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Orkun Asap

What are your thoughts and feelings regarding self-driving cars?

In the last few years, a number of our friends have purchased electric vehicles.

With longer driving ranges, faster and more convenient charging options, and other cool and useful features, more and more folks are making the switch.

Each of these individuals is more than happy to drive when we get together to show off a bit of their new tech.  Among the latest functionalities to get from point A to point B is a hands and foot free option that does all the work for you.

Fortunately, these autonomous driving segments still requires a level of hands-on attention where only an actual person will do.

EXERCISE:

In what areas of your world have you turned the driving over to someone or something else?

Where is the timing right to grab back the wheel and take greater control of where things are headed?

 

“Things that aren’t your fault can still be your responsibility.”

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“Things that aren’t your fault can still be your responsibility.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Unsplash by Markus Winkler

When we examine our world closely, it’s amazing to see just how many aspects of our lives are not within our control.

It can often feel unfair when we experience bad breaks in either personal or professional matters.

At such times many of us default to pointing the blame for how things go down elsewhere.

Although many of these messy situations may be caused by others, we often find ourselves with mops and brooms, cleaning up after them.

How well do you manage and navigate such events?

EXERCISE:

Where and how do you embrace your responsibility for things that aren’t your fault?

How could taking this stance more often empower you to live with greater dignity and self-respect?

Sometimes it feels good to be a passenger and go where life takes you.

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Sometimes it feels good to be a passenger and go where life takes you.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Erik Odiin

When you take trips in your car, who drives? What percentage of the time are you at the wheel versus riding shotgun or even in the back seat?

I have a strong preference to be in control, and only reluctantly become a passenger when I’m tired and the risk of me driving affects the safety of those with me.

Given this pattern, today’s quote seemed worth a closer look, and I became curious about what I might be missing with my hands always in the “two and ten” positions.

EXERCISE:

Choose an entire day in which you let others and life itself take the wheel.

How might you make this a regular practice to see what surprises life may offer around the next corner?

“Turn in the direction of the skid.”

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“Turn in the direction of the skid.”

—Driving School adage

Image from Unsplash by Meghan Schiereck

Having lived in Michigan over half my life, I’ve experienced my share of icy roads! Before front or four-wheel drive, traction control, and the latest in snow tire technology, today’s quote was the best advice and coaching to avoid or minimize accidents.

How do you try to control the many aspects of your life? How fast are you going these days? How many icy patches are you experiencing on your personal and professional roads through life?

It turns out the more we slam on the brakes and over-steer, the worse things become.

EXERCISE:

Where is it appropriate for you to fully embrace an icy patch or two in your world? How can you calmly turn into these skids to get back on the road to a better life?