“I keep six honest serving-men, (They taught me all I knew);”

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 “I keep six honest serving-men

 (They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When

 And How and Where and Who.”

– Robert Louis Stevenson, 19th century novelist and poet

Perhaps the most profound and impactful resource in the coach’s toolbox is the open-ended question. Beginning a question with one of the “six serving-men” above opens up the doors of knowledge and wisdom, if we take the time to master them.

As an added bonus, these questions also open up doors to more satisfying and fulfilling relations in our professional and personal lives.

Exercise:

Consider visiting my other website at dempcoaching.com and download a copy of my workbook on Masterful Relationships from dempcoaching.com/download-your-free-workbooks. The password is barrydemp (all lower-case). This also gives you access to my other two workbooks – enjoy!

If any reason you have difficultly downloading the workbook, please reply to this message with the words “Masterful Relationships” in the subject line and I will send you a copy.

Motivated by Character

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“Character is revealed by action, action is motivated by character.”

– Norton Wright

Image from www.glogster.com

Image from www.glogster.com

There is an organization called the Josephson Institute that teaches “Six Pillars of Character” in its youth educational programs. These pillars are:

  1. Trustworthiness – i.e. being honest, being reliable, doing what you say you’ll do.
  2. Respect – i.e. following the Golden Rule.
  3. Responsibility – i.e. being accountable, doing your best, setting a good example.
  4. Fairness – i.e. playing by the rules, being open-minded, taking turns, sharing.
  5. Caring – i.e. being kind, compassionate, forgiving, and showing gratitude.
  6. Citizenship – which includes getting involved in your communities to make them better, protecting the environment, and volunteering.

Exercise:

How will you be motivated by and act consistently with these six pillars above?

How can you coach, mentor and support those around you – especially children – to develop these qualities through your example?

As a bonus, please consider replying to me with other qualities beyond these six pillars that you believe are attributes of people of character.

“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.”

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“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.”

– Janis Joplin, singer-songwriter

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Earlier this month, my family celebrated the wedding of my daughter Rachel in Sanibel Island, Florida. It was simply the best event I’ve ever attended. The venue was a secluded beach, complete with close family and friends. We also got the bonus of a beautiful rainbow, an inspiring sunset, and even some dolphins swimming by.

Videographers, photographers, great food, a beautiful venue and dancing till midnight were just some of the things that made it special.

The credit for these memories goes to many people, especially my extraordinary wife Wendy and my beautiful daughter for never compromising their vision of a fairy-tale wedding come true.

Exercise:

What could you achieve by not compromising? How can you take a step closer to your highest vision today?

“The heart should be cultivated with more assiduity than the head.”

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“The heart should be cultivated with more assiduity than the head.”

– Noah Webster, lexicographer

Noah Webster registered the copyright on his American dictionary in the English language (A Compendious Dictionary of the English Language) over 185 years ago.

When I was young I was not such an avid reader. Words – especially words like assiduity – tripped me up, due to my lack of understanding and my impatience.

Both of my parents installed the discipline of taking time to learn the meaning of such words, much to my initial frustration. Today, I know it was the assiduity of their hearts that had me persist in this flagging effort, to help me learn and grow.

Exercise:

Imagine what life would be like if Webster had also created a dictionary of the heart. What other books and resources – such as the Bible, Torah, Koran, or works of literature – provide such heart-developing wisdom? Perhaps a dose of assiduity is called for here.

Break Our Own Records

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“Our business in life is not to get ahead of others but to get ahead of ourselves, to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by outperforming today.”

– Stewart B. Johnson, artist

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One of the key concepts I use in my work as a coach is “creative tension.” I came across this term in Robert Fritz’s book The Path of Least Resistance, published in 1989. It points to the power of a better future to literally pull us from our current realities, to act each day to make that future a reality.

We have the opportunity to become better than ourselves in any areas we wish.

Exercise:

Select one area in your personal or professional life where you wish to outperform your current self. Develop a project action plan with a coach, colleague, friend, mentor, or family member to help you break your own records and outstrip your yesterdays.

Consider replying to this message and let me know which area you select, for a bit more accountability.

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”

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“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save. They just stand there, shining.”

– Anne Lamott, novelist and non-fiction writer

Image of a lighthouse battered by huge waves

St. Joseph, Michigan North Pier Lighthouse

As a coach, my business is a bit unusual in that I now hold most of my coaching sessions via video conference. Instead of running all over town to meet with each client, I created a secure harbor in a calm and confidential location, removed from the often hectic rushing around that comprises many people’s days.

Exercise:

Where are you currently running all over your personal and professional “island” looking for boats to save?

How could you let your own shining light act as a beacon to bring greater sanity, security and success into your world?

“We forfeit three-quarters of ourselves in order to be like other people.”

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“We forfeit three-quarters of ourselves in order to be like other people.”

– Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher

If this quote has some truth in it, is it such a bad thing?

What if you were to take all the greatest qualities of people you most admire to create this initial three-quarters of yourself? Not bad, huh? The last quarter gets to be a completely manifested part of yourself – unencumbered by anything external.

If you add this all together, I’d say you’d have a pretty remarkable you!

Exercise:

Look at yourself today and begin piecing together the “future you” from those remarkable people around you, as well as through the development of your own unique gifts and talents.

“I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”

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“I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.  I am the master of my fate:  I am the captain of my soul.”

– William Henley

This is a guest piece from Law of Attraction coach Tracy Laverty, www.lavertyconsulting.com, “Uncovering Your Soul’s Present to Create Your Soul’s Future.”

Look at your right hand. Yours is the only version of this exact hand on the planet … and it is your gift to the world.  Next time you shake someone’s hand, own the power and be proud of your authentic spirit.

This quote reminds me that we are each wholly unique and perfect just the way we are, and that it is up to us to create the life we want to live each day. We are the masters of our fate, along with our connection to our intuition and our God (or Universal spirit). Being grateful for our lives by embracing the spirit of this quote is the most empowering thing we can do when we wake up each day.

Exercise:

Take your power in your hands and heart and commit to THREE actions that you are possibly slightly scared about, but that you are committed to because you know they are for your highest good.

Write down each goal and a deadline for when you’ll complete it. Share this with at least one trusted person!  Celebrate once you’ve achieved your goals and start again.  Take a hold of your life: the world only has one you, and you choose how you want to spend your moments.

If you would like to write a guest piece for The Quotable Coach, please take a look at our guidelines here: www.thequotablecoach.com/quotching/the-wisdom-of-the-wise-and-the-experience-of-the-ages-are-perpetuated-by-quotations.

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

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 “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

– Helen Keller, author, activist and lecturer

One of the factors most associated with success in a coaching relationship is optimism. Perhaps one reason for this is that optimists see setbacks as temporary and summon the courage and tenacity to stay the course toward their goals. Pessimists, on the other hand, tend to see setbacks and failures as more permanent, and often give up far too soon with “what’s the use?” or “it’s far too difficult.”

Keller was faced with major life obstacles: she was deaf and blind from the age of 19 months. But she became the first deaf and blind person to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts degree, and she was an activist for women’s suffrage and workers’ rights, and many other progressive causes. She even published 12 books during her lifetime.

Exercise:

If you would like to exercise your optimism muscle, consider one of the following resources:

Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness, both by Martin Seligman

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar (a well known professor at Harvard)

“The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving.”

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“The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving.”

– Oliver Wendall Holmes

Imagine that you have decided to climb Mount Everest. Consider all the plans and activities required for you to achieve what only 1,500 or so people have ever done.

The amount of time that people actually stand on the summit is just a fraction of the time spent going from base camp to the top … and that’s not even counting in training and preparation time.

Exercise:

Examine your own level of fulfillment in the journeys you have undertaken and are currently on, to realize it is your direction and the process of living each day that holds much of the sweetness of life.