Category Archives: Change

we are challenged to change ourselves

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

– Victor Frankl, Austrian psychologist and Holocaust survivor

Image from likesuccess.com

Image from likesuccess.com

 This has been a particularly challenging week for a number of my clients, colleagues, friends and even family members. Unfortunately many of the situations they found themselves in were not within their control.

As Ari Weizweig, the CEO of Zingerman’s said, we’re not always living on “planet fair.” Feeling the upset and acknowledging it is a key first step to experiencing freedom from anger that could continue to poison our perceptions, attitudes and relationships.

Assuming the responsibility to change yourself in such situations means you are going to move forward and work toward a positive value-centered future as quickly as possible.

Exercise:

Acknowledge at least one upsetting event in your personal or professional life where you are not able to change the situation.

Determine how you will change your perception, attitude or behavior and regain the freedom to move confidently forward in your life.

“Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction.”

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“Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction.”

—Author Unknown

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Image from Flickr by epSos.de

Here in Michigan we pay particular attention to the weather. January was the snowiest in history and the temperatures were as cold as I’ve ever experienced. The weather forecast includes a metric called “wind chill” or “the wind chill factor, which is a combination of the actual temperature along with the wind speed, to provide a measure of how cold it actually feels.

Today we are all experiencing the winds of cultural and political change at a far brisker pace – personally, professionally, and perhaps even globally.

Exercise:

In the coming days, how can you either lean into or go with the winds of change to find your true direction? Consider the possibility of adding your own breeze to sweep you toward your destiny.

“Try brushing your teeth tonight with your other hand.”

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“Try brushing your teeth tonight with your other hand.”

– Ken Burns, documentary filmmaker

442Image from Flickr by pdpics.com

My family recently spent the holidays near Madison, Wisconsin with both of our children and their new spouses. Navigating the roads in this area was a new experience, even with GPS. My sense of direction was off for most of the visit.

It is estimated that about 90% of all of our behaviors are based on our habits and even the small act of brushing our teeth with the opposite hand can feel quite awkward.
The opportunity to see new sights and have many varied and different experiences during our vacation was definitely worth this awkward feeling.

Exercise:

What are some of the small and perhaps large changes you plan to make this year that will have you see wonderful new sights and experience memorable opportunities ahead?

“Everyone thinks of changing the world but no-one thinks of changing himself.”

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“Everyone thinks of changing the world but no-one thinks of changing himself.”

– Leo Tolstoy, author

I have to admit it: I never took the time to read War and Peace, or Anna Karenina, two of Tolstoy’s greatest novels. Maybe if Tolstoy was a blogger, I would be more versed in his work!

An interesting fact about him is that he was known as a moral thinker and social reformer. Some of his works are noted to have had significant impacts on individuals such as Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.

Exercise:

What small or large changes can you make in yourself now and in the coming year that will not only change your world but perhaps also the world around you?

“People will cling to an unsatisfactory way of life rather than change in order to get something better, for fear of getting something worse.”

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“People will cling to an unsatisfactory way of life rather than change in order to get something better, for fear of getting something worse.”

– Eric Hoffer, moral and social philosopher

Do you know any living examples of the definition of insanity? You know, those people who keep on doing the same thing over and over, yet they expect a different result?

Perhaps one reason for their stuckness is what Hoffer suggests: the fear of getting a worse result if they change their ways.

What I have found in my years of coaching and in my own life is that high levels of commitment, combined with multiple levels of support over extended periods of time, almost always produce far better results.

Exercise:

To support you in altering some unsatisfactory part of your life, try this three-step exercise.

  1. Identify your top commitments in your life that you wish to realize.
  2. Rally support from all parts of your world.
  3. Stay in action toward these objectives and accept the risk, and over time your life will be improved.

Repeat as often as you wish.

“Try something different, try something new; you might find it likes you and you like it too!”

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“Try something different, try something new; you might find it likes you and you like it too!”

– Dr. Seuss, children’s author

How open are you to doing things in new and different ways? How frequently do you operate from the relative safety of your comfort zone? What are the benefits of trying something new?

Today I had an extremely engaging coaching session with one of my favorite clients. This young man is one of the smartest, most creative people in his organization, and boy, does he think differently!

I asked him, “How will your company make money in the future, and what new initiatives will have it remain relevant and a leader in its field?”

To make a long story short, he developed a template for a project to reinvent how the company currently operates, to potentially save the organization over a million dollars.

Exercise:

Consider taking a new and different action today in both your personal and professional life. Use the following sentence as a guide to help you try something new:

In _______ situation I usually do _________.  Instead, I am going to try ___________.

If you find this difficult, consider:

  • Trying a new restaurant.
  • Eating a new food.
  • Visiting a place for the first time.
  • Taking a class on a subject you always wanted to learn.

For extra credit, take a day off in the middle of the week and label it the “New day, new way” project, where you try as many new things as possible. Feel free to reply and let me know what happens.

“All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination, then works its way out.”

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“All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination, then works its way out.”

– Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist

Loyal readers of The Quotable Coach know one of my favorite quotes is “When patterns are broken, new worlds will emerge,” by Tuli Kupferberg. Here, Einstein is pointing to our imagination muscle as a means of creating these new worlds. In fact, the definition of imagination is the faculty or action of forming new ideas, images or concepts not currently present.

Exercise:

Select a five-minute break in your day for an “imagination vacation” to tap into your creativity and expand your resourcefulness.

“All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination, then works its way out.”

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“All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination, then works its way out.”

– Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist

Loyal readers of The Quotable Coach know one of my favorite quotes is “When patterns are broken, new worlds will emerge,” by Tuli Kupferberg. Here, Einstein is pointing to our imagination muscle as a means of creating these new worlds. In fact, the definition of imagination is the faculty or action of forming new ideas, images or concepts not currently present.

Exercise:

Select a five-minute break in your day for an “imagination vacation” to tap into your creativity and expand your resourcefulness.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

—Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist and Holocaust survivor

Image from Unsplash by Maria Thalassinou

Very few days pass by without each of us experiencing at least a few upsets. It is very common for our desires to be unfulfilled or our expectations to be thwarted by outside events. One way to navigate these bumps in the road is to look inward at our attitudes, so we can maintain our footing and continue to move ahead.

Exercise:

What are a few upsetting or undesirable situations in your professional or personal life that you are unable to change at this time?

What do you need to do to rise to the challenge of changing yourself, in order to make the best of these difficult circumstances?

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

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“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

– Robert Fulghum, author

We have all heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words.” My wife Wendy and I have been very fortunate to raise two wonderful children who are now on their own as young adults. Although we no longer see them as often as we did when they lived at home, when we do get to visit together, we are pleased to see the effects of many of the lessons we tried to impart throughout the years.

Even though we were not always sure that the messages were getting through, we are delighted to see them living consistently with many of the behaviors we demonstrated through our daily actions.

Exercise:

What do your children and the people in your life observe in your daily actions? How pleased would you be to see them behaving in the same manner?

What adjustments can you make to your actions to have the impact you wish to have?