How could you stop being your worst enemy and become your own greatest ally?

How could you stop being your worst enemy and become your own greatest ally?

—Inspired by a post by Bernadette Jiwa, Best Selling Irish-Australian Author

Image from Unsplash by Ava Sol

Most people fight themselves more fiercely than any external obstacle.

The turning point begins with noticing that inner voice: is it guiding or sabotaging?

Instead of silencing it, retrain it. Speak to yourself as you would to someone you are responsible for growing — honest, but not cruel.

Build small agreements with yourself and keep them. Trust is earned internally the same way it is externally.

Replace perfection with progress, and criticism with curiosity.

When you fail, study rather than shame.

Over time, you shift from opposition to alignment. You stop wasting energy on self-conflict and start investing it in self-support.

That is the quiet moment you become your own ally, and everything begins to change from the inside out.

EXERCISE:

Spend 2 minutes a day writing down your most common self-criticisms, then rewrite each one as advice you would give to a friend.

This simple shift helps you catch the patterns that quietly keep you stuck and replaces them with more accurate, hopeful language.

Never Say Anything About Yourself

“Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true.”

—Brian Tracy, Canadian-American Motivational Speaker/Author

Image from news247.gr

Self-talk is a fascinating subject.

We all do it, and given your interest in personal growth and development as a subscriber to this blog, you are more aware and mindful of this than many.

What percent of the time do you focus on the negative rather than positive side of your self-talk equation?

What if 50 percent of your internal conversations were beyond or beneath your awareness?

EXERCISE:

This week, enlist family, friends, and colleagues to help make you much more conscious of when you put your inner voice on external speakers.

Based on their feedback and input, determine exactly how many of these message you want to come true for you.

How can and will you enhance these messages to live a more positive and fulfilling life?

Turn Within for Guidance

“Turn Within for Guidance.”

—Author Unknown

Road sign reading "Listen to your inner voice"

Image from RamDass

Coaches use powerful questions and engaging inquiry as a means to help clients gain expanded perspectives and insights into their worlds. The time devoted to these discussions can be transformative.

The key to such interactions is based on the concept that virtually all the answers lie within each of us, if we are willing to do the hard work and look within.

By no means do coaches, mentors, trusted friends, or advisors have a monopoly on such questions or the power to create breakthroughs.

Consider yourself as the coach you take with you wherever you go, to always have the ever-ready guidance you seek.

EXERCISE:

Generate a list of your own powerful and provocative questions in a journal or notebook. Take the time to discover the deep and valuable answers within you.

A book that has become a favorite of mine is A More Beautiful Question by Warren Berger. Consider picking up a copy to strengthen your capabilities in this area.

“You can’t judge my choices…”

“You can’t judge my choices without understanding my reasons.”

—Author Unknown

 

Without question, judging others and being critical is one of the most common reasons people give when they talk about unsatisfying or destructive relationships.

Unfortunately, this happens daily to some degree, to most of us. A key reason for the universality of this behavior is our constant filtering. We look at the choices of others through our own perception of what is right or wrong, good or bad.

Being genuinely interested in another person’s points of view and seeking to fully understand their perspective lessens the level of judgement and creates greater relationship harmony.

EXERCISE:

Try this four-step exercise when interacting with others, to assist you in taking greater responsibility for making your relationships stronger.

  1. Be aware of your internal voice when listening to others, and notice if this voice is supportive or critical.
  2. Examine your listening. Can you mirror what the other person said and meant?
  3. Ask yourself: What is good and valuable in what they are saying?
  4. Limit your interruptions to those questions that will give you greater clarity and understanding.

“I have always tried to make room for anything that wanted to come to me from within.”

“I have always tried to make room for anything that wanted to come to me from within.”

—Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, Founder of analytical psychology

Photo from Flickr by Harturg HKD

Photo from Flickr by Harturg HKD

Among his many contributions to the fields of psychiatry and psychotherapy were Jung’s works on extroversion, introversion, archetypes, and the collective unconscious.

We often find ourselves operating in an adrenaline-rich environment, with the volume turned up full blast. Jung suggests that we create and use an internal “Mute Button” to take a quiet or even silent journey of self-reflection and personal discovery.

EXERCISE:

Take at least five minutes today to sit in silence. Explore your inner world.  Notice how thoughts, feelings, and images bubble up and fade away. What nuggets of wisdom come through?

Consider picking up a copy of one of my favorite books, Quiet (2012), by Susan Cain, to discover the power of introverts in “a world that can’t stop talking.”