“Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels…”

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“Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meanderings, but leads none of us by the same route.”

– Charles Caleb Colton, English cleric, writer and collector

coastline

Image from Flickr by alana sise.

Recently, I began watching a TV series on the National Geographic channel called “Life Below Zero.” The storyline follows the life of four different families living in Northern Alaska in one of the harshest and coldest environments possible.

What makes this show so interesting and intriguing for me is how passionate they all are about their lifestyle, and how happy they all are with their choices, despite the considerable hardship of living off the land in the rugged Alaska wilderness.

Exercise:

What is your current route toward happiness? How can you better embrace the mazes and meanderings that are leading you on your own unique journey?

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal

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“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the only one who gets burned.”

– Buddhaghosa, fifth century commentator on Buddha’s work

Image of hot coals

Image from Unsplash by Magnus S

No one in their right mind would ever pick up a hot coal to throw it at someone. In an instant, they would be raced off to the emergency room for treatment, and a very protracted recovery period. Most likely they would also bear considerable scars that would remain for years or perhaps for life.

Exercise:

Take note of the times when you observe the destructive force of anger today.

How can you minimize it, release it, or better yet, replace it with understanding, tolerance and forgiveness, to make for a more peaceful, accepting and loving world?

“Live neither in the past nor in the future, but let each day’s work absorb all your interest, energy and enthusiasm.”

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“Live neither in the past nor in the future, but let each day’s work absorb all your interest, energy and enthusiasm.”

– Sir William Osler, physician and founding professor of John Hopkins Hospital

work

Image from Flickr by Sean MacEntee

In his book Drive, Daniel Pink describes three predominant qualities to life that drive all of us. They include:
  • Autonomy, or the ability to influence our world.
  • Mastery, or the capacity to grow and improve our skills and abilities.
  • Purpose, or a sense of meaning – knowing that our daily efforts are making a difference to our own lives and the lives of others.

Exercise:

Using the three qualities above as a framework for a driven life, how do you plan to focus your interest, energy and enthusiasm today?

Life lived for tomorrow

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“Life lived for tomorrow will always be just a day away from being realized.”

– Leo Buscaglia, author and motivational speaker

Image from Unsplash by Ben White

Anticipation, expectation and the promise of a better tomorrow are powerful forces that can mobilize us to call forth our most committed efforts.

On the other hand, consider happiness, joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction. These emotions are primarily experienced in the moment and not in the future.

Far too many people lose sight of what is just in front of their noses because they are gazing off over the horizons of life.

Exercise:

Regardless of whether you are near-sighted, far-sighted or have perfect vision, how will you take the time to look all around today, to experience the fullest expression of each and every moment?

The greatest mistake you can make

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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.”

– Elbert Hubbard, writer, artist and philosopher

In the assessment process I undertake prior to each coaching agreement, I pay particular attention to the challenges and obstacles that may be limiting my client’s success.

We do identify many external factors that aren’t always in their control, yet it is surprising to discover the numerous internal barriers that limit their success and overall life satisfaction. Among these internal obstacles is the often crippling fear of making a mistake and failing, which often prevents them from even trying something new.

Exercise:

Where (specifically) are you stopped by the fear of making a mistake or failing? Find a coach, friend, family member, or mentor to help you summon the courage to work through these fears.

Sometimes, it is helpful to use the acronym “FEAR” which stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real.” Feel free to reply to me with your insights and the actions you plan to take.

in-focus picture in my head

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 “I never hit a shot – not even in practice – without having a very sharp, in-focus picture of it in my head.”

– Jack Nicklaus, American professional golfer

Jack NicklausImage from Flickr by hankinsphoto.com

Jack Nicklaus is considered by many the best golfer of all time. His accomplishments are far too many to describe here. Today’s quote is great coaching for all of us looking to achieve mastery and excellence in any area.

The power of a clear and compelling vision for some future event, even if it is a golf shot, is fundamental to mobilizing our thoughts and actions to make it so. Nicklaus and most people of great achievement seem to have a razor-sharp consistent and persistent ability to concentrate and focus on the prize.

Exercise:

Revisit the pivot point / self-coaching exercise first described here:

www.thequotablecoach.com/effort-2/it-is-common-sense-to-take-a-method-and-try-it-if-it-fails-admit-it-frankly-and-try-another-but-above-all-try-something

Use it to clearly determine your current reality, envision a sharp and focused future, and then, like Nicklaus, take the shot toward your goal.

Don’t be surprised if you hit your mark more often than ever before.

“No man becomes rich unless he enriches others.”

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“No man becomes rich unless he enriches others.”

– Andrew Carnegie, 19th century industrialist

Andrew Carnegie was a Scottish-American industrialist who led the enormous expansion of the American steel industry in the late 19th century.

He was also one of the most highly profiled philanthropists of his time, and in an article he wrote titled “The Gospel of Wealth,” he called on other people of means to use their wealth to improve society.

Exercise:

Explore how you could contribute your own riches and resources, including gifts, talents, skills, and abilities to improve the lives of others.

As you give of yourself, you’ll discover what Carnegie knew: your own life will become even richer.

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”

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“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”

– Émile Zola, French naturalist writer

color wheel

Image from Flickr by scui3asteveo

Consider for a moment that the journey of life is actually a form of art. Our lives contain many components, including work, family, community, and so on. Ask yourself, “How expressed and fulfilled do I feel in these (and other) domains?”

Many of us, including myself from time to time, live quiet, reserved lives which seem to provide some degree of protection, security, and safety. These perceived benefits have a considerable cost, in that they limit the upsides of life, including joy, love, excitement, adventure, and much more.

As a coach, husband, father, son and community leader, I have decided to dare a bit more greatly and live a louder life.

Exercise:

Please let me know if you too will take on the challenge to pursue your own form of art and crank up the speakers to your life.

“We seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack.”

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“We seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack.”

— Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher

What do you think are the relative percentages of our focus on what we lack versus what we have? Are they 90/10, 80/20, 70/30, 60/40 or 50/50? You may notice I stopped at 50/50 – and for the purpose of this post, let’s just say that the odds in general aren’t in most people’s favor.

What is your own ratio?

Regardless of your own score, focusing your attention on what you already have is the key to happiness and living a fulfilling life.

Exercise:

For the next week, use a journal or notebook to record your thoughts on what you have and what you lack. Consider using an alarm (perhaps on your phone) to trigger you to capture these thoughts.

After writing about what you have, ask “what else” and add even more to the list, to shift yourself toward a more full appreciation of the richness and abundance all around you.

Feel free to reply to this message with any insights you may have gained from this exercise.

“It’s not who you are that is holding you back. It’s who you think you’re not.”

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“It’s not who you are that is holding you back. It’s who you think you’re not.”

— Unknown

Here goes: I’m going to do it. Today, I’m declaring to you, the readers of The Quotable Coach, that I will be writing a book based on the quotes that I’ve written about.

I’m calling this project “Daring Greatly,” based on the book of the same name by Brené Brown.

The challenge for all of us when we take on such matters is that we enter the unprotected world of vulnerability with all its associated fears of inadequacy and potential failure.

Beyond this first step in making this declaration to you, I have also just submitted a proposal to speak at the 2014 International Coach Federation (ICF) conference on this effort. The title is: “A Reluctant Writer: Quotching, from Blog to Book.”

Please consider sending positive thoughts and encouragement my way!

Exercise:

Consider taking on your own “Daring Greatly” project and declare your intentions within your communities. Reply to me with your own public goal and I will compile a list and share it with all of you in a future piece.

Thanks for being open to this coaching and for keeping going despite any thoughts of what you’re not.