“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

—Stephen Covey, American educator, author, businessman, and keynote speaker

Photo from Flickr by Webbstjarnan.SE

Rate yourself on a scale from one to ten, with “one” being very poor and “ten” being outstanding, with regard to your mastery of Stephen Covey’s 5th Habit of Highly Effective People:

First Seek to Understand, then to be Understood

Consider reducing your score by one point if you:

• Pretend to listen
• Selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation
• Miss the meaning of what the person is saying
• Listen with the intent to reply
• Filter what is being said through your own life experiences and frame of reference
• Prematurely decide if what is being said has value, before the speaker has finished

The behaviors listed above are often called autobiographical listening.

EXERCISE:

To gain true and deep understanding of another required empathetic listening. Add points to your score if you:

• Give the speaker your undivided attention
• Are open-minded and nonjudgmental
• Observe and sense the emotions behind the words being used
• Are quiet and allow some time for the other person to fully express their view. Open-ended questions may be helpful here to make sure you gain the full depth of their viewpoint
• Follow clarifying questions with attempts to restate what you believe they said