the highest advantage

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“You can rest assured that if you devote your time and attention to the highest advantage of others, the universe will support you.”

– R. Buckminster Fuller, architect and inventor

About a year ago, I picked up a copy of Dan Sullivan’s book The Laws of Lifetime Growth. Law #3 states that we should always make our contribution bigger than our reward.

Both Fuller and Sullivan suggest that a focus on creating new kinds of value for others expands our relationship with the outside world and somehow magically attracts new rewards and opportunities to us in return.

Exercise:

Imagine that giving to others and supporting their highest advantage is like making consistent daily bank deposits, and that these investments always have a high rate of return through the magic of compound interest.

“Imagination is a quality given to man to compensate him for what he is not and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.”

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“Imagination is a quality given to man to compensate him for what he is not and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.”

– Oscar Wilde, writer and poet

The development of self-awareness and the ability to adapt to life’s circumstances are critical skills developed and enhanced during a coaching relationship.

Quite often, I discover many people I work with have strong “inner critics” and tend to emphasize their own perceived shortcomings. At the same time, many of these same individuals take themselves and life far too seriously, which often diminishes their pleasure and enjoyment of life.

Exercise:

Try on “Wilde coaching” by exercising both your imagination and sense of humor to bring greater fulfillment and satisfaction to your days.

Let your friends, mentors and coaches in your life know that you intend to make these efforts so that they can help you improve your likelihood of success.

“We know more than we know we know.”

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“We know more than we know we know.”

– Unknown

One of the coach’s most powerful tools is the open-ended question: you know, those questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”.

Who could have imagined that the six simple trigger words of who, what, when, where, why, and how could bring forth a level of knowledge and wisdom in others far deeper than we see on the surface?

Exercise:

Imagine yourself and others as an iceberg where what we know we know is only the observable part above the surface. (With icebergs, this is typically only one-eighth of the whole.)

Practice asking yourself and those around you more open-ended questions to discover how much more we actually know that lies below the surface.

“We are betrayed by what is false within.”

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“We are betrayed by what is false within.”

– George Meredith, Victorian poet and novelist

Imagine for a moment that your life has a soundtrack – an internal playlist that informs you about every aspect of your personal and professional life. What if, however, there was a poltergeist or some other form of gremlin that installed some of your playlist without your knowledge?

If this happens to be the case, you may find yourself dancing to or even singing a tune that could betray you.

Exercise:

Like trying on a piece of clothing when shopping, pay particular attention today and throughout this week to the ideas you express and the thoughts suggested by others, to see if they support or betray your very best self and true nature.

“An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”

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“An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”

– Mahatma Gandhi, pacifist leader of Indian independence movement

I’m not a big fan of gossip, negativity and conflict. For me, revenge is never sweet – and the idea of war is inconsistent with everything I hold dear.

When you look into the animal kingdom, you only see examples of killing as a means of eating and survival. Humans seems to have an appetite for conflict over the millenniums and today all you need to do is watch TV for the latest news report, sporting event, or reality TV show to see this.

Exercise:

How can you channel your inner Gandhi to make your own life, communities, and world more peaceful places?

“Dream big, but allow yourself the opportunity to start small and have your share of struggles in the beginning. The world’s greatest composers weren’t writing symphonies the day they first sat at the piano.”

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“Dream big, but allow yourself the opportunity to start small and have your share of struggles in the beginning. The world’s greatest composers weren’t writing symphonies the day they first sat at the piano.”

– Kevin O’Rourke, American film, stage, and television actor

O’Rourke is suggesting that we consider our life as a splendid symphony and that we are all composers.

Image from Unsplash by Paige Cody

The other day, my wife Wendy downloaded a piano app onto her iPad and began to play around with it. She began with scales and made an effort at Chopsticks. She eventually wants to play the piano that was given to her by her father many years ago as a gift when we were first married.

Exercise:

What are a few of your big dreams and goals? What small steps and potential struggles must be taken now to help you develop the mastery to compose your personal and professional symphonies?

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”

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“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”

– Epictetus, Stoic philosopher

When I engage a new client in a customized coaching relationship, we spend a considerable amount of time exploring their key personal and professional relationships. I often have them rate these relationships on a 1 – 10 scale to determine both the current level of support they provide as well as the importance they have for this individual moving forward.

Social support is as important to the coaching process as the client’s own motivation and ability to pursue their goals.

Exercise:

Spend more time with those people who call forth your personal and professional best.

Spend less time with those people who are negative and critical.

Identify some people who uplift you and start spending time with them

Finally, identify some of the most negative, judgmental people and stop spending time with them or giving them any “mindshare”.

“I quote others only to better express myself.”

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“I quote others only to better express myself.”

– Michel de Montaigne, essayist and founder of modern skepticism

I have been writing The Quotable Coach series for over a year. A critical reason why I am (and perhaps you are) attracted to these insights and pearls of wisdom are thoughts such as:

  • I never saw it that way before.”
  • “That’s an interesting perspective.”
  • “Wow, that’s deep.”
  • And my favorite: “I wish I’d said that!”

The Quotable Coach format has helped me dig a bit deeper each day into my own voice and perspectives on a wide array of subjects as I look to better navigate my own life and assist others.

Exercise:

Visit the archives of The Quotable Coach series and select a small number of quotes that best express your own beliefs.

Consider creating a small display of these in your own world to enhance the expression of these messages in your day to day activities and relationships.

“We write to taste life twice: in the moment and in retrospection.”

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“We write to taste life twice: in the moment and in retrospection.”

– Anais Nin, author

One of the habits that both supports and expedites results achieved during a coaching relationship is journaling.

Using some form of log book to capture tools used, lessons learned, and insights revealed is like doing more reps at the gym or taking extra practice sessions in your favorite sport to build greater muscle memory and mastery.

Exercise:

Consider purchasing a journal or notebook to capture the significant events that occur throughout your day. Feel free to use digital methods as well.

Experiment with selecting different times during the day to see what works best for you. Some of my clients place this notebook on their pillow to download their day and empty their minds before bed. Others place their journal on their office chair and reflect on the previous day before they begin the new one.

Feel free to reply to this email and let me know what works well for you.

“The only end of writing is to enable the reader better to enjoy life, or better to endure it.”

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“The only end of writing is to enable the reader better to enjoy life, or better to endure it.”

– Samuel Johnson, author, literary critic and lexicographer

When I first set out on the journey to begin writing The Quotable Coach, over a year ago, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. My initial success at blogging for the previous 18 months, based on readership, was modest at best.

Through the receiving of critical feedback, and now with almost 700 daily subscribers, we seem to have stumbled onto a format with content that, as Johnson suggests, helps people move forward and enjoy their lives a bit more (and also, at times, navigate obstacles and challenges).

Exercise:

Please consider partnering with me at this time by sharing the ideas and exercises found within The Quotable Coach series with others in your personal and professional life. (Perhaps you could forward them a quote you particularly enjoyed, or direct them to The Quotable Coach website.)

With sincere appreciation,

Barry Demp