Tag Archives: Barry Demp Coaching

Shape behaviors instead of shaming them

Posted on by

“Shape behaviors instead of shaming them.”

—Sam Horn, CEO of The Intrigue Agency

Image from Unsplash by Lea L

How do you go about getting the things you want? How do you influence and persuade the people in your life to act in ways that you desire?

What are your current strategies and approaches with family members, neighbors, and your professional colleagues? As parents, grandparents, and other influencers of young impressionable minds, today’s quote is particularly relevant.

I recently attended an engaging webinar on Ethical Persuasion by Sam Horn, in which she introduced many practical and creative ways to gain attention and buy in to our ideas and intentions.

She shared what she called “words to lose” and “words to use” when we want to transform resistance into rapport. Here are just a few of her suggestions:

Words to Lose: but —should — you’ll have to
Words to Use: and — next time — If you would please

EXERCISE:

What are some of the words you use that are shaping or shaming the people in your life?

Wisdom is like the rain. Its source is limitless, but it comes down according to the season

Posted on by

“Wisdom is like the rain. Its source is limitless, but it comes down according to the season.”

—Jalāl al-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī, 13th-century Persian poet

Image from Unsplash by Alejandro

When do you receive the most rain where you live?

Just as water is essential to life, Rumi suggests that wisdom is water for our spirits. Unfortunately, we do not always receive rain when we need it throughout the year.

What season of life are you in? Look back over the years to see how you have benefited from the wisdom of others and become the reservoir for members of your communities who thirst for its refreshing and renewing properties.

EXERCISE:

Where in your world are people experiencing a drought of wisdom and a thirst for growth?

How can we tap the aquifers and sprinkler systems that are often out of sight to soak and refresh our souls?

I am as all mortals are unable to be patient

Posted on by

“I am, as all mortals are, unable to be patient.”

—Pablo Neruda, 20th Century Chilean Nobel Prize Poet

Image from Unsplash by Julien L

My grandson Weston loves to watch TV, especially when he is learning something new. The options for both learning and entertainment these days seem limitless. I find his ability to keep a laser focus on most occasions remarkable.

Many of his favorite programs are found on YouTube, which inserts ads if you are not a premium customer. Upon seeing these ads, he promptly says “Skip It,” not wanting to wait even the 5 seconds to hit the link for the show to resume.

Where in your personal and professional worlds do you find yourself edgy and impatient with the pace of things? How do you behave when you desire to get back to the good stuff of what you consider important and urgent?

EXERCISE:

What are the payoffs and benefits of your impatience?

Where is there a cost or some considerable downside to skipping things that are truly important in your life?

Tap into a sense of pure possibility

Posted on by

Tap into a sense of pure possibility. What are your hopes and dreams?

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by J. Balla Photography

Over the past several months, I’ve been finding it more difficult sleeping through the night. I usually wake between 4 and 5 a.m., still tired but with an active mind that makes falling back to sleep difficult.

After about 20 minutes of tossing and turning, a visit to the facilities, a drink of water, and maybe a visit to the kitchen for a nibble to calm my growling stomach, I try again.

One sleep strategy that often works is listening to the sleep stories on my Calm app. These guided journeys take me on a variety of adventures and back to dreamland, well before the stories are ended. Upon rising refreshed, I do my best to keep this hopeful state of possibilities throughout my day.

EXERCISE:

What hopes and dreams do you want to realize today?

What possibilities can and will you turn into reality with your imagination and creative intentions?

FRIDAY REVIEW: PLEASURE

Posted on by

FRIDAY REVIEW: PLEASURE

What things in life bring you the most pleasure? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

“The test and use of man’s education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind.”

 

 

 

 

“Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it.”

 

 

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”

 

 

 

What’s the best small thing I can do right now

Posted on by

“What’s the best small thing I can do right now?”

—James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits

Image from Unsplash by Photos by Lanty

How energetic do you feel? What levels of energy and vitality do you experience throughout your typical day? What do you notice about your general energy during each season of the year?

What are your levels of productivity and overall life satisfaction as you ponder these questions?

Generally, winter is a time of lower energy for many of us. Darker days and colder temperatures have us seek comfort and much of our get up and go wants to go back to bed.

What do you notice about the relationship between activity and productivity now that winter has passed? Most of us feel greater satisfaction and a sense of overall well-being when we are getting things done.

EXERCISE:

Free yourself today from any grand plans and monumental tasks.

Simply look at the best small thing you can do right now and repeat as often as you wish.

 

Crisis is an unexpected jarring of our ways that brings us into contact with our attendant spirit

Posted on by

“Crisis is an unexpected jarring of our ways that brings us into contact with our attendant spirit.”

—Mark Nepo, author of The Book of Awakening

How have you and the world around you been jarred in unexpected ways these past few years?

How have these various events been both crises and opportunities at the same time?

Where and how have you been awakened and opened to your attendant spirit? How and in what ways can you move forward given this source of strength at your disposal?

EXERCISE:

How might you offer or seek assistance to and from others in your various communities?

How can we better tap into our collective attendant spirits to recover our footing and balance?

Thrones no matter how pretty have only room for one

Posted on by

“Thrones, no matter how pretty, have only room for one.”

—Mark Nepo, author of The Book of Awakening

Image from Unsplash by Nicholas Green

By the time this post reaches your inbox or social media feed, I have review it numerous times. My own reflection on this process points to the high percentage of these efforts directed towards one’s progress in our personal and professional communities.

Although I am all for the achievement of individual success somehow, I experience even more satisfaction and fulfillment when I’ve been a part of a group or team effort.

Consider sports as a good example. On the list below, notice the fan base of popularity of team sports.

There don’t seem to be many stadiums built for individual sporting events. We all like to be part of a winning endeavor, even if we never get on the field.

SPORT # of Fans SPORT # of Fans
Soccer/Football 4 billion Cricket 2.5 billion
Hockey 2 billion Volleyball 900 million
Basketball 825 million Baseball 500 million

EXERCISE:

Where are you engaged in an individual endeavor versus some form of group achievement?

Where is the “TEAM” concept of Together Everyone Achieves More truer for you?

What joyful thing would you do if this day was your last

Posted on by

What joyful thing would you do if this day was your last?

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Amazon

Various studies on achievement and success have demonstrated that one’s ability to delay gratification is significantly correlated with long term achievement.

You may have heard about the famous and somewhat controversial Stanford marshmallow experiment where preschool children were given the option of one marshmallow immediately or two tasty treats if they were willing to wait around 15 minutes.

Although debated due to various suggested biases, the individuals who delayed their immediate reward turned out to be higher achievers over the long run.

EXERCISE:

Where have you possibly taken delayed gratification too far in your own life?

What joyful experiences do you already regret missing?

Where might FOMO (fear of missing out) be a good thing?

Dan Pink’s newest book The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward may offer you some joyful strategies to make the most of your days ahead.

Friday Review: Strength

Posted on by

Friday Review: STRENGTH

What are your strengths? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.”

 

 

 

 

“Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.”

 

 

 

“He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper.”