Category Archives: Behavior

Heated Situations

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“When you want to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department uses water.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Flickr by Jeshua.nace

Image from Flickr by Jeshua.nace

When was the last time you were in a heated argument with tempers flaring and things getting out of control? If you cannot recall a specific event, just turn on a local, national, or global news program to see plenty of examples!

Rarely do such interactions result in win/win outcomes. Most of the time, we are left with win/lose or lose/lose results.

When we consider how to put out undesirable fires, all we need to do is take a bit of coaching from professional fire-fighters: use water to reduce the temperature of burning materials and extinguish the flame.

EXERCISE:

What new and more constructive ways of dealing with heated situations can you find to produce a better result for everyone involved?

Good Example

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“If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.”

-Catherine Aird, British Crime Fiction Writer

Image from jarofquotes.com

Image from jarofquotes.com

The other day I had a coaching session with a client regarding his parenting strategies. When he examined the behaviors that worked or didn’t, he looked to his own parent’s example for clues.

This man tends to emulate or copy the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of those he admires, and often does the opposite of behaviors he considered as horrible parenting.

EXERCISE:

How can you benefit most from examples set by others to coach yourself toward a more successful professional and personal life?

Where can adjustments in the examples you set coach your children as well as others in your life to lead more successful lives of their own?

Friday Review #1

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Starting this week, Friday’s message will include links to a few relevant posts you may have
missed. Simply click the image next to the quote to read the message. Feel free to comment on any of the posts, and of course, on this message.

weighing

“It is hard to fly when something is weighing you down.”
https://www.thequotablecoach.com/what-weighs-you-down

 

 

 

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
https://www.thequotablecoach.com/do-what-you-can

 

 

Tomatoes

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the
seeds you plant.”
https://www.thequotablecoach.com/seeds-you-plant

 

conquer-ourselves

”It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.”
https://www.thequotablecoach.com/conquer-ourselves

 

 

 

“Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising
every time we fall.”
https://www.thequotablecoach.com/our-greatest-glory

Small Minds

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“Don’t let small minds convince you that your dreams are too big.”

-Zig Ziglar, late American author and motivational speaker

image from theproductivtypro.com

image from theproductivtypro.com

Who are some of the small-minded people in your personal or professional worlds? What qualities or characteristics have you assigned to them? See how many of the following qualities describe those who appear to have diminishing or completely crushing the dreams of others as their purpose:

Antagonistic Righteous Fear-Based
Condescending Oppositional Aloof
Perfectionism Judgmental Overly Aggressive
Controlling Critical Unethical
Combative Wishy-Washy Disrespectful
Temperamental Pessimistic Arrogant
Volatile Uncooperative Dishonest

EXERCISE:

How can you reduce or eliminate the small-minded people in your world, and replace them or attract more big-minded people to support your biggest personal and professional dreams?

Consider making a list of the big-minded qualities and characteristics to help you recognize these folks when you meet or see them.

Leading the Pack

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“Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack.”

—Author Unknown

Image from www.fanpop.com

Image from www.fanpop.com

Today’s quote makes me think of the times my clients state that a colleague, coworker, or client “threw them under the bus.”  In almost all cases, they say it was in an unfair, unjust, and detrimental way.

Blaming, bullying, one-upmanship, and office politics are common occurrences. How we respond to such attacks, and how we rise above their potential negative impacts is a skill which we could all benefit from time to time.

EXERCISE:

A book that I have read numerous times over the years – The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz – points to fundamental ideas that can help us all return, leading the pack, when we are thrown to the wolves. They are:

  1. Be impeccable with your word
  2. Don’t take anything personally
  3. Don’t make assumptions
  4. Always do your best

Is the Glass Half Empty

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“People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.”

—simon sinek, speaker and author

 

Image from breacan.org.au

Image from breacan.org.au

Imagine you have an entire month to take the road trip of your life, anywhere you wish. You have just won the use of a large luxury mobile home or recreational vehicle. The only limitation is that you were only given half a tank of fuel.

Of course, we can look on the bright side of things to estimate how far we could go, or we can be upset given the limited range available for this adventure. This view of things seems silly knowing that we always have the ability to top off the tank anytime we wish.

EXERCISE:

Where in either your professional or personal worlds are you operating with the half full or half empty perspective?  What would be possible if you assumed an attitude of overflowing abundance instead?

“A bad attitude is like…”

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“A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.”

-Author Unknown

Photo from Flickr by Paul Chenoweth

Photo from Flickr by Paul Chenoweth

Take a minute to list the people in your personal and professional worlds that have a bad attitude. If you need a bit of help, consider their level of negativity, pessimism, sarcasm, skepticism, and general resignation.

Have you captured your list of half-empty, no possibility, “what’s the use” folks? Now see how much you enjoy their company, or working with them. Where, if possible, have you already headed for the hills or done what you can to avoid these people?

What are the chances selected individuals in your world might be placing you on their list?

EXERCISE:

Although changing other people’s flat tires is tremendously difficult, you do have a far better fighting chance of changing your own. Consider the resources at www.lifehack.org to take a few simple steps to begin.

A bonus is that your own efforts will tend to inflate other people’s tires in the process!

“The bias against introversion leads to…”

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“The bias against introversion leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness.”

—Susan Horowitz Cain, American writer and lecturer

Image from christiehartman.com

Image from christiehartman.com

We’re all familiar with the phrase, “Out of Sight, Out of Mind.” To gain anyone’s attention these days, it is critical to be louder, bolder, and more outrageous than ever.

Look at those who have the attention of traditional media, and of course, social media. Looking into our organizations and institutions, we also see a good bit of bias toward extroverts rather than introverts. In some cases, introverts have been encouraged to “fake it till we make it.”

EXERCISE:

Consider exploring the book Quiet by Susan Horowitz Cain. I love the subtitle of this work, which is, “The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking,” to see what is being wasted.

Cain also has a TED talk you will find revealing if you have 15-20 minutes.

“We have a tendency to want…”

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“We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.”

-T.D. Jakes, Apostle/Bishop of The Potter’s House

Image from responsiveuniverse.me

Image from responsiveuniverse.me

How guilty are you of having a double standard regarding the people in your personal and professional worlds?

How often do you hold people to some form of ideal to which few ever match up? How often do you use this same standard of excellence as a measure of your own efforts, behaviors, and achievements?

EXERCISE:

If you are in the smallest way guilty of this double standard, examine the costs it may have in key relationships. What adjustment can you make in your perception and point of view to accept and embrace that we are all “works in progress”?

The Seeds You Plant

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“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”

– Robert Louis Stevenson, Scottish novelist and poet

image from Flickr by Andrew Shieh

image from Flickr by Andrew Shieh

Harvest time is only a small part of the growing season. My wife and I grew tomatoes last summer, and really enjoyed harvesting them at the end of August.

The process of growing them, though, was a bit more involved and time consuming than we expected. It included purchasing seeds, preparing the soil, watering, providing sunlight, adding plant food, watering, adding more plant food, more watering… you get the idea!

Exercise:

What seeds can you plant today? What care and attention will they need daily, so that you can have a successful harvest in the future?

Make sure you enjoy the process of gardening and not just the sweet fruits of life.