Category Archives: Behavior

What you push down doesn’t vanish

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“What you push down doesn’t vanish, it festers and wields quiet power over your thoughts and actions.”

—James Clear, author of Atomic Habits

Image from Unsplash by BĀBI

In our journey of personal and professional growth, we often encounter challenges or emotions we try to suppress.

These buried feelings don’t disappear on their own — they remain within us, influencing our behaviors and decisions in both subtle and overt ways.

As a coach, I encourage clients to face these often-hidden aspects of themselves by acknowledging and more importantly addressing what we’ve pushed down.

In doing so, we can truly grow and achieve our best.

EXERCISE:

In what areas of your life are you suppressing challenging thoughts and emotions?

How is resisting these feelings causing them to fester and persist in your life?

For extra insight into such matters, consider checking out Rick Carson’s book Taming your Gremlins: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way.

 

“Habits are first cobwebs, then cables.

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“Habits are first cobwebs, then cables.”

—Spanish proverb

Image from Unsplash by Yuri Antonenko

When we first go about creating a new habit, we often find it difficult. The behaviors we hope to embody are fragile and are easily broken. Eating well, exercise, and even flossing can be fraught with all sorts of false starts and missteps.

When we try to break our bad habits, we also run into difficulties.

Impulse shopping, excessive media exposure, and various forms of overindulgence seek to grab us and hold us captive in their alluring grasps.

EXERCISE:

Create a list of your healthy and unhealthy habits.

Select one habit you wish to establish and one you intend to discard.

Consider reading or re-reading Atomic Habits by James Clear or The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg to optimize your efforts and likelihood of success.

Drink in each moment and savor them slowly.

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Drink in each moment and savor them slowly.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Mineragua Sparkling Water

To what degree do you race through your life?

Some ways to estimate your pace is to examine your driving habits or the time it takes to eat your meals.

Sometimes — if you are like many of us — you do both at the same time.

Driving fast and eating fast food are clearly not wise things to do.

If you have ever taken the Real Age test, you already know that these behaviors can reduce your biologic age to something below your chronological age.

EXERCISE:

Schedule a candlelit meal with your significant other.

Block out twice as much time as you usually do to sip and savor your meal and the time with this special person.

Where else in your life may you be missing the full flavors of life?

How could slowing down and drinking in more moments add more life to your years?

“Good habits exist despite circumstances.”

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“Good habits exist despite circumstances.”

—Rohan Rajiv, a Product Manager at LinkedIn

Image from Unsplash by Nubelson Fernandes

How true is today’s quote for you?

What habits do you stick with regardless of the circumstances?

Consider the areas of family, health, faith and your vocation. What tried-and-true behaviors occur like clockwork even when facing the winds of change?

Just as a sturdy tree can yield and bend with the breeze, our good habits act as roots that keep us upright and grounded regardless of the weather.

EXERCISE:

Where in your life do external circumstances make keeping your good habits difficult?

How can you shore up these best practices with greater discipline and grit to keep up your forward momentum whatever comes your way?

You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people

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“You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an earnest effort to confer that pleasure on others?”

—Carolyn Fansler, ElderShare Program Manager at Central Pennsylvania Food Bank

Image from Unsplash by Tyler Nix

Over the holidays I had extra time to be with family and friends, and for a bigger helping of entertainment.

One quiet afternoon while others were napping and digesting their last meal, I finally got a chance to begin watching the Apple comedy, Ted Lasso.

After only a handful of episodes I can see why it is a fan favorite.

Ted’s cheerful personality and warm “good old boy” charm definitely smooths the rough edges on virtually everyone he meets.

EXERCISE:

Who are the cheerful people in your life that bring smiles to your face and brighten your world?

To what degree would you be mentioned on the list of others as you try to lasso their lives?

Some say that birds of a feather flock together. To expand your world, you may wish to

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Some say that birds of a feather flock together. To expand your world, you may wish to seek out and embrace an odd duck now and then.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Kevin Gedge

Take a few minutes to examine your personal and professional communities.

To what degree do the people around you look, act, and think like you?

Where and in what areas of your life do you observe and participate in groups of people with diverse backgrounds?

Where do you notice some odd ducks that challenge your thinking and your comfort?

Where might you be the odd duck, feeling out of place and awkward?

How do these experiences expand your world and help you grow?

EXERCISE:

How does flying with your current flock limit the places you can go?

How would a few detours with some different birds reveal some new sites to build your next nest?

If there was no money, and everything depended on your moral standards

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“If there was no money, and everything depended on your moral standards, the way that you behave, and the way you treated people, how would you be doing in life?”

—Tupac Shakur, 20th Century American rapper and actor

Image from Unsplash by Markus Spike

Money and possessions are a primary way many of us measure our success and status.

Who are the people at the top in your various professional and personal communities?

What are their extrinsic and intrinsic measures of excellence and achievement?

How do you measure yourself against these people?

How often do you use good character and high moral standards as benchmarks for a meaningful life?

EXERCISE:

If you were to eliminate all external evidence of success how well would you be doing?

Create a list of 5-10 people in your life that model the moral standards and behaviors you most admire.

Do your best to spend additional time with these folks and let their example help you up your game.

 

In all affairs, it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark

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“In all affairs, it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have taken for granted.”

—Bertrand Russell, 20th Century British Philosopher

Image from Unsplash by Jon Tyson

Did you do a year-in-review assessment for 2022?

If you did, where did you notice things not progressing as you had wished? You may have even noticed some areas regressing.

If this is the case, it may be because we keep doing and thinking the same things over and over since they worked reasonably well in the past.

So many things around us have changed in the past year. When we remain fundamentally the same, it’s not surprising that a good number of our efforts miss the mark.

Questioning our thinking and adapting our behaviors accordingly seems like a wiser strategy for the year ahead.

EXERCISE:

In what areas of life would a few more question marks help you break some of your personal patterns so that new worlds may emerge?

Friday Review: Behavior

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FRIDAY REVIEW: BEHAVIOR

What do your behaviors say about you? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

 

“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

 

 

 

“Your beliefs don’t make you a better person — your behavior does.”

 

 

 

“Human nature is like water. It takes the shape of its container.”

 

 

 

A classic sign of addictive behavior is when

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“A classic sign of addictive behavior is when something not human starts to supplant human relationships.”

—Arthur C. Brooks, faculty member of the Harvard Business School

Image from Unsplash by Unsplash

Over the 4th of July holiday we attended a family pool party. The weather and water temperature were perfect. It was extra special because everyone focused on each other the entire day without a cell phone in sight — except for one individual.

When not swimming or eating, this person was head down in his device, even when his bathing-suit-clad children were seeking his attention to talk or play.

EXERCISE:

Where do you or others in your life prioritize things over people? What addictive behaviors need some adjustment to demonstrate that the best things in life are not things?