“A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others.”
—Kevin Kelly, founding executive editor of Wired magazine
Image from Unsplash by Mia Anderson
The other day I found myself in a foul mood. Everyone and everything seemed to get on my nerves. My meditation session felt pointless, my daily walk was interrupted by neighbors wanting to chat and all I could sense was judgmental thinking and feelings of irritation.
Thankfully, I was stopped by a very cute dog named Keenan who was, fortunately, placed in my path to turn things around. His joyful enthusiasm and playful nature had me look within to see the bummer of a person I was putting out into the world.
How are the irritating aspects of others trying to tell you something about yourself? With this thinking in mind, how can you be a puppy of a person and make everyone’s day a bit brighter?
“Use ‘Truth Talk’ sparingly, like a seasoning.”
Image from Unsplash by Josh Massey
How often do you use a “tell it like it is,” “tough love,” or “scared straight” approach in your personal and professional interactions?
Where does this “Truth Talk” or as Coach Marshall Goldsmith suggests, “Feed Forward” provide the desired outcomes you intend?
Where are you currently a bit too heavy-handed on the salty or peppery words and attitudes you offer others?
Although often well-intended, our truth and desire to offer our “correct” perspective on virtually any matter results in making the other individual wrong. This usually causes them to shut down or push back with their own truth talk to defend and protect their behaviors and views.
How and with whom would a lighter hand on the salt shakers of your truth talk help lower the blood pressure levels in your most important relationships?
“You must look into people, as well as at them.”
—Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield, 18th Century British Statesman
Taking a sincere interest and seeking to fully understand the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of another could be one of the most important things we can do to change the world around us.
How many of your problems and life challenges – not to mention those of the world – are due to breakdowns in relationships and communication in general?
How often do you find yourself or someone else engaged in surface observations of others, with a critical or judgmental perspective? How does doing so diminish the relationship qualities including respect, trust, and cooperation?
Where and how can you look more deeply into the people in your professional and personal life, to change your world for the better?
“Be careful how you interpret the world: it is like that.”
—Erich Heller, 20th Century British Essayist
image from Flickr by marco magrini
We humans are interpretation and opinion machines. As we navigate our worlds, we continually assess our environments and relationships through special filters we have created. Our perceptions really do create our reality and our experience of the world.
As talk show host Dr. Phil often says, “How’s that workin’ for you?”
What is your level of fulfillment, satisfaction, and general happiness with things as you see and interpret them?
Make an effort to expand your filter choices as you view your world today. Consider trying on a more hopeful, optimistic, open, forgiving, or creative perspective and see what happens.
“How would you like things to be different in your life?”
—Fran Peavey, Social Activist
Fran Peavey was a social activist who passed away in 2010. Through her travels across the globe, she developed a process she called “strategic questioning,” which is characterized by questioning with an open mind and a caring heart.
Using this open, curious, and often provocative but not judgmental style, she conducted thousands of interviews over the course of two decades. She believed that this approach put people at ease, lowered barriers, and helped them find common ground around shared concerns.
Take 3-5 minutes to ask and answer one of Fran’s favorite questions: “How would you like things to be different in your life?” Consider engaging others in your personal and professional communities in this inquiry, so you can help one another make changes.
Feel free to let me know what happens by replying to this post!
“Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack.”
Image from www.fanpop.com
Today’s quote makes me think of the times my clients state that a colleague, coworker, or client “threw them under the bus.” In almost all cases, they say it was in an unfair, unjust, and detrimental way.
Blaming, bullying, one-upmanship, and office politics are common occurrences. How we respond to such attacks, and how we rise above their potential negative impacts is a skill which we could all benefit from time to time.
A book that I have read numerous times over the years – The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz – points to fundamental ideas that can help us all return, leading the pack, when we are thrown to the wolves. They are:
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do your best
“We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.”
-T.D. Jakes, Apostle/Bishop of The Potter’s House
Image from responsiveuniverse.me
How guilty are you of having a double standard regarding the people in your personal and professional worlds?
How often do you hold people to some form of ideal to which few ever match up? How often do you use this same standard of excellence as a measure of your own efforts, behaviors, and achievements?
If you are in the smallest way guilty of this double standard, examine the costs it may have in key relationships. What adjustment can you make in your perception and point of view to accept and embrace that we are all “works in progress”?
“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”
-Eckhart Tolle, Canadian Author and Spiritual Leader
Although we live in a world that is constantly changing, I would suggest that much of our internal worlds remain the same.
Examine your own attitudes and beliefs about the world around you and you will likely notice that most have remained relatively constant for years, and perhaps throughout your entire life.
Examination and internal exploration are key in enhancing our journey of self-awareness. This allows us to determine if and to what extent our long-standing beliefs and perspectives serve us optimally.
In the event they do not, this new awareness can act as an agent of change as Eckhart Tolle suggests.
What daily habits, rituals, behaviors, and practices can aid you in the development of your awareness muscles, that support positive change in your professional or personal life?
Here are some strategies to consider:
- Reflective walks in nature
- Reflective forms of exercise, such as Yoga
- Deep Breathing
Feel free to reply to this message to share your own self-awareness practices.