“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

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“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

– Buddha

Today, Wednesday 27th November, the holiday of Hanukkah begins. As part of this celebration, it is traditional to light the Hanukkah candles with the shamash candle. The shamash does not count as one of the Hanukkah candles but it is used to light all the others.

Exercise:

Imagine that your life force is a candle that has the power to bring happiness and light up the lives of others.

How will you use this gift today (and throughout the holiday season and the new year) to do just that?

What we see when watching others

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“What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.”

—Author Unknown

Woman looking through a Dirty Window

Image from Unsplash

Driving in Michigan, specifically in the Detroit metropolitan area, is challenging for numerous reasons. If we eliminate poor roads, construction and heavy traffic, we are left with what I call visibility challenges. Rain, fog, road salt, frost, snow, and splattered insects all have a way of reducing the clarity of our windshields.

I dislike not having clarity so much that I just had a special window treatment applied to our new SUV to better help us see where we are going.

Exercise:

What are some of your obstructing views, beliefs, and attitudes about others that are blocking your clear and objective view?

How can you apply your own perceptional “Windex” to help clarify what you see in others and in yourself?

one corner of the universe

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“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”

– Aldous Huxley, author

Photo by John Sting on Unsplash

Those of you who have been reading The Quotable Coach for some time may know that in my first career 30 years ago I was a science teacher. Two subjects I found most fascinating were astronomy and physics.

Entropy (“the degree of disorder and randomness of a system”) is constantly at work expanding the universe and bringing disorder to our world. Fortunately, as Huxley suggests, we can use our own energies to counter this disorder and design the world as we desire.

Exercise:

How will you use your energy today to improve your corner of the universe?

How can you combine your energies with others to make even larger improvements in your world?

“All words are pegs to hang ideas on.”

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 “All words are pegs to hang ideas on.”

– Henry Ward Beecher, 19th century clergyman and social reformer

A close friend of mine named Allen, who unfortunately passed away too soon, was a very handy person. He could fix almost anything and he had a wide variety of tools to fit almost any need.

His garage was a veritable Home Depot with an immaculate collection displayed in the most organized manner. Included in his collection was a peg board with hooks that accepted each specific tool – with, you guessed it, an outline of the tool to show the user where to hang it when the job was done.

Exercise:

Pay particular attention today to the words you and others are using to create your world. Determine the extent to which the ideas that are generated build something wonderful, or in some cases take things apart.

Consider sending me a list of three to five of your favorite words that you like to hang ideas on, by replying to this email.

The QuotableCoach.com Turns #400

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“There are two types of people in this world: those who walk into a room and say ‘There you are!’ and those who say ‘Here I am!’”

– Various attributions

A cornerstone to personal excellence and personal effectiveness is the ability to develop and sustain effective relationships.

In previous posts we have reviewed a wide variety of tools and techniques to do just that. Fundamental to those tools is taking a sincere interest in others, by showing our interest in their favorite subject – themselves.

On the other hand, when we focus on being interesting, we often come across as egotistical and self-centered, which repels others.

Exercise:

Ask for some feedback or coaching from those close to you and determine how much of a “there you are” versus “here I am” person you are.

If the feedback you receive does not match up with what you desire, place a reminder card in your home and workplace with the words “be interested versus interesting” on it.

“I keep six honest serving-men, (They taught me all I knew);”

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 “I keep six honest serving-men

 (They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When

 And How and Where and Who.”

– Robert Louis Stevenson, 19th century novelist and poet

Perhaps the most profound and impactful resource in the coach’s toolbox is the open-ended question. Beginning a question with one of the “six serving-men” above opens up the doors of knowledge and wisdom, if we take the time to master them.

As an added bonus, these questions also open up doors to more satisfying and fulfilling relations in our professional and personal lives.

Exercise:

Consider visiting my other website at dempcoaching.com and download a copy of my workbook on Masterful Relationships from dempcoaching.com/download-your-free-workbooks. The password is barrydemp (all lower-case). This also gives you access to my other two workbooks – enjoy!

If any reason you have difficultly downloading the workbook, please reply to this message with the words “Masterful Relationships” in the subject line and I will send you a copy.

Motivated by Character

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“Character is revealed by action, action is motivated by character.”

– Norton Wright

Image from www.glogster.com

Image from www.glogster.com

There is an organization called the Josephson Institute that teaches “Six Pillars of Character” in its youth educational programs. These pillars are:

  1. Trustworthiness – i.e. being honest, being reliable, doing what you say you’ll do.
  2. Respect – i.e. following the Golden Rule.
  3. Responsibility – i.e. being accountable, doing your best, setting a good example.
  4. Fairness – i.e. playing by the rules, being open-minded, taking turns, sharing.
  5. Caring – i.e. being kind, compassionate, forgiving, and showing gratitude.
  6. Citizenship – which includes getting involved in your communities to make them better, protecting the environment, and volunteering.

Exercise:

How will you be motivated by and act consistently with these six pillars above?

How can you coach, mentor and support those around you – especially children – to develop these qualities through your example?

As a bonus, please consider replying to me with other qualities beyond these six pillars that you believe are attributes of people of character.

“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.”

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“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.”

– Janis Joplin, singer-songwriter

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Earlier this month, my family celebrated the wedding of my daughter Rachel in Sanibel Island, Florida. It was simply the best event I’ve ever attended. The venue was a secluded beach, complete with close family and friends. We also got the bonus of a beautiful rainbow, an inspiring sunset, and even some dolphins swimming by.

Videographers, photographers, great food, a beautiful venue and dancing till midnight were just some of the things that made it special.

The credit for these memories goes to many people, especially my extraordinary wife Wendy and my beautiful daughter for never compromising their vision of a fairy-tale wedding come true.

Exercise:

What could you achieve by not compromising? How can you take a step closer to your highest vision today?

“The heart should be cultivated with more assiduity than the head.”

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“The heart should be cultivated with more assiduity than the head.”

– Noah Webster, lexicographer

Noah Webster registered the copyright on his American dictionary in the English language (A Compendious Dictionary of the English Language) over 185 years ago.

When I was young I was not such an avid reader. Words – especially words like assiduity – tripped me up, due to my lack of understanding and my impatience.

Both of my parents installed the discipline of taking time to learn the meaning of such words, much to my initial frustration. Today, I know it was the assiduity of their hearts that had me persist in this flagging effort, to help me learn and grow.

Exercise:

Imagine what life would be like if Webster had also created a dictionary of the heart. What other books and resources – such as the Bible, Torah, Koran, or works of literature – provide such heart-developing wisdom? Perhaps a dose of assiduity is called for here.

Break Our Own Records

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“Our business in life is not to get ahead of others but to get ahead of ourselves, to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by outperforming today.”

– Stewart B. Johnson, artist

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One of the key concepts I use in my work as a coach is “creative tension.” I came across this term in Robert Fritz’s book The Path of Least Resistance, published in 1989. It points to the power of a better future to literally pull us from our current realities, to act each day to make that future a reality.

We have the opportunity to become better than ourselves in any areas we wish.

Exercise:

Select one area in your personal or professional life where you wish to outperform your current self. Develop a project action plan with a coach, colleague, friend, mentor, or family member to help you break your own records and outstrip your yesterdays.

Consider replying to this message and let me know which area you select, for a bit more accountability.