Tag Archives: Barry Demp Coaching

“Notice if you are watching what is happening or if you are a part of it.”

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“Notice if you are watching what is happening or if you are a part of it.”

—Mark Nepo, Author of The Book of Awakening

Image from Unsplash by Bruce Lee

When my children were young, we took them to a local farm and adopted two cats. We named them Oreo and Cookie due to their black and white fur patterns. Their primary residence in our home was our spacious sun room where they could watch the birds, squirrels, and other creatures from their beds or favorite cushioned chairs.

The only time they left our home was to visit the vet, which involved placing them reluctantly in carriers, which they hated. Just the sight of these prisons caused them all kinds of distress and to lose clumps of fur.

The decision to have indoor cats was for our convenience, and we did our best to provide lots of attention and kitty toys to entertain them. Having each other for company helped us also feel better about this decision.

EXERCISE:

To what degree are you engaged in an indoor life of watching? How and in what ways can you move out from the windows and screens of your world to be more “out and about” with others in your various communities?

“We need to stay current with each other.”

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“We need to stay current with each other.”

—Angeles Arrien, PhD, late Basque-American cultural anthropologist

Image from Unsplash by Aleksey Oryshckenko

I hope you had a happy holiday and the chance to safely be with family and friends. Catching up with those you love is a great bonus to the food, drink — and of course — your favorite sporting events and binge-watching interests.

How many holiday cards did you send and receive? How many of these well-wishing cards had photos of families with kids growing like weeds or even a separate insert with the highlights of the past year?

Staying current with our close and extended communities has been considerably more difficult due to Covid. Even with texting, e-mail, and video chats, many of us still feel isolated and alone.

EXERCISE:

What efforts can and will you make this year to remain current with the people you care about the most? Who could your reach out to today that you may have missed over the holidays?

“Our authenticity is tied to what is de-pressed and what is ex-pressed.”

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“Our authenticity is tied to what is de-pressed and what is ex-pressed.”

—Mark Nepo, Author of The Book of Awakening

Image from Unsplash by Benjamin Williams

If you are a consistent reader of The Quotable Coach you know by now that I am a big fan of Mark Nepo. As a poet and a student of life he beautifully says things that almost always touch my heart and soul.

I have found his authentic courage to speak his truth to be a doorway to places within me I didn’t even know were locked.

De-pressing many emotions over the years seemed like a good strategy to protect myself and avoid potential judgement and pain I might encounter. My introverted tendencies and living a somewhat quiet life certainly have an upside, however I have discovered that they also incur numerous costs.

A recent blog post by Chip Conley pointed out that self-expression and living out loud as we age is a primary reason for increased happiness.

EXERCISE:

Where are you currently hiding or de-pressing aspects of yourself?  How can and will
ex-pressing some of these parts of you lead you toward a more authentic and happier life?

Please consider reading the work of Brené Brown. Her books, The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly are two of my favorites.

“The best things in life are not things.”

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“The best things in life are not things.”

—Attributed to Art Buchwald, 20th Century American Humorist

When was the last time you moved or downsized your apartment or home? What was it like to consider all of your possessions and what it took to move things to their new location?

What were the items that were easy to discard as junk? What items did you have no need for and were easily given away or donated? What items did you sell or at least try to sell to perhaps defray some moving costs?

What things held a special place in your heart that didn’t have a home to go to given the limited space in your new abode?

What storage strategies did you employ given some difficulty making the decision to release things back into the world?

EXERCISE:

What excess possessions can and will you release back into the world in the new year? Consider going room to room and making a list, shooting for one item (big or small) each week.

 

“The greedy one gathers all the cherries, while the simple one tasted all the cherries in one.”

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“The greedy one gathers all the cherries, while the simple one tasted all the cherries in one.”

—Mark Nepo, Author of THE BOOK OF AWAKENING

Image from Unsplash by Shane Babali

What does the word greedy mean to you? Who do you personally know that fits your definition?

Are you a collector of things or even experiences? Consider the following list:

  • The amount of food in your fridge and pantry
  • The number of collectables on displayed in your home
  • The number of degrees or awards you’ve received
  • The number of cities, states, and countries you’ve visited
  • The number of books you have read
  • The amount of money you have saves and invested
  • The number of ornaments on your Christmas tree

In what other areas are you or others engaged in a quest for more? What hidden costs are you possibly paying in your desire for greater well-being and life satisfaction?

EXERCISE:

Where do you find yourself gathering more and more of life’s cherries? How might savoring the cherries that you have or the ones that simply come your way lead you to a far sweeter life?

“If peace comes from seeing the whole, then misery stems from a loss of perspective.”

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“If peace comes from seeing the whole, then misery stems from a loss of perspective.”

—Mark Nepo, Author of The Book of Awakening

Image from Unsplash by Nadine Shaabana

How many of the following issues have you observed in the media and perhaps experienced in your own personal and professional communities over the past couple of years?

Misfortune Burden Adversity Ordeal
Trouble Hardship Pain Sorrow
Trial Catastrophe Disaster Affliction

As you zoom out to what the media shows you and zoom in to the world you objectively experience, how do these two views compare and contrast? Given these often considerably different views, how much has the loss of perspective or disinformation added to your misery? How does seeing the whole offer you a greater sense of peace?

EXERCISE:

Where and in what ways can you gain greater peace from seeing the objective whole of things?  How might greater perspective about your world and the world lessen the levels of misery you may be experiencing?

The heart is very much like a miraculous balloon. Its lightness comes from

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“The heart is very much like a miraculous balloon. Its lightness comes from staying full. Meeting the days with our heart prevents collapse.”

—Mark Nepo, Author of The Book of Awakening

Image from Unsplash by Ali Goldstein

Last year around this time my daughter and grandson — who was then 2½ — came to spend part of the holidays with Wendy and me in Michigan. Since little Weston had a far more limited selection of toys at grand-mom’s and pop-pop’s house, we did our best to entertain him.

Among his favorite diversions that week was a small happy birthday balloon we had kept on our window sill, still fully inflated from the previous year’s celebration.

It was a miracle that a two-dollar balloon could fill this little boy’s heart with such joy for the entire time. His engagement with this shiny orb and lots of heartfelt attention filled us all with lightness and the joy of being together.

EXERCISE:

What balloons do you intend to fill this holiday season? What heartfelt activities will you bring to the days with those you love to keep things light?

Appreciate each small step and every glimpse of progress

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Appreciate each small step and every glimpse of progress. It’s almost always about the journey.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Joshua Sukoff

Where are you at this very moment? What are you doing? Who are you with? What are your thoughts, feelings, and emotions?

We have all been told that life occurs in the here and now and yet we often jump into our mental DeLorean to revisit the past or jump ahead to the future.

Of course, taking occasional trips down memory lane can be helpful to point out pivotal moments and possible missteps.

Lessons learned can also help guide you and offer suggestions about who you may wish to travel with to support your efforts.

EXERCISE:

How and in what ways have you progressed this past year? What positive qualities have you developed or enhanced? What journeys do you intend to take and what progress do you intend to make in the year ahead?