Tag Archives: Barry Demp

What Weighs You Down

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“It is hard to fly when something is weighing you down.”

– Unknown

weighing

My health club is one of the largest in the region. It includes all the regular exercise facilities you might expect, plus some extras such as tennis courts, basketball courts, swimming pools, and even a climbing wall.

I’ve noticed some of the fittest and most competitive athletes adding extra weights to their ankles or waists, to weigh themselves down and make their normal athletic efforts even more difficult.

When they remove them and are no longer weighted down, they experience a lightness and an added strength that lets them fly a bit higher and further.

Exercise:

Identify the circumstances and issues that weigh you down.

How can you use these personal and professional challenges as a resource to build your capacity to fly once you remove them completely from your life?

hiding in the crowd

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“The world will never discover a person who is hiding in the crowd.”

– Dr. Mardy Grothe, psychologist

520Image from Flickr by Si1very.

When my children were young, we would often play a searching game with them called “Where’s Waldo?” The books in this series consisted of detailed double-spread illustrations depicting dozens or hundreds of people doing amusing things at a given location.

Readers were challenged to find Waldo, a slender, glasses-wearing, nerdy character sporting a red and white striped shirt, bobble hat, and blue trousers.

Unfortunately, most people don’t like taking the time to find the “Waldos” of opportunity in their world. They much prefer opportunities to stand out in the world shouting, “Here I am!”

Exercise:

What special efforts can you make or what goal can you accomplish today that will have you stand out from the crowd?

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”

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“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”

– Edith Wharton, Pulitzer Prize-winning American novelist

518Image from Flickr by Avijeet_Sachdev.

This quote immediately appealed to me as a great metaphor for the role of a coach. Much of the time, a coach’s focus is to help their clients discover, expand, and give off their light in the form of their vision, values, gifts, and talents.

At the same time, coaches often act as mirrors, reflecting back to each individual this same light to support and synergize with them in order to enhance their power, focus, and effectiveness.

Exercise:

How can you play the role of candle and mirror today as you support others and pursue your own excellence journey?

“The will to win … the will to achieve … goes dry and arid without continual renewal.”

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“The will to win … the will to achieve … goes dry and arid without continual renewal.”

—Vince Lombardi, American football coach

Image from Flickr by Harry Thomas Photography

Every weekend I have my list of household chores and duties. Among these responsibilities is watering a wide variety of plants. Frequently I will find one or two in a somewhat wilted state.

Seemingly within minutes of giving these plants a drink, I notice that they are once again renewed, reaching out with their leaves to secure their full share of sunshine.

Exercise:

As water renews a plant, what strategies can you employ to maintain, or perhaps expand, your will to achieve and win?

Please consider replying to share your most effective ideas for personal renewal. Thank you.

we are challenged to change ourselves

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

– Victor Frankl, Austrian psychologist and Holocaust survivor

Image from likesuccess.com

Image from likesuccess.com

 This has been a particularly challenging week for a number of my clients, colleagues, friends and even family members. Unfortunately many of the situations they found themselves in were not within their control.

As Ari Weizweig, the CEO of Zingerman’s said, we’re not always living on “planet fair.” Feeling the upset and acknowledging it is a key first step to experiencing freedom from anger that could continue to poison our perceptions, attitudes and relationships.

Assuming the responsibility to change yourself in such situations means you are going to move forward and work toward a positive value-centered future as quickly as possible.

Exercise:

Acknowledge at least one upsetting event in your personal or professional life where you are not able to change the situation.

Determine how you will change your perception, attitude or behavior and regain the freedom to move confidently forward in your life.

making successful human beings

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“It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”

– Ann Landers, famous advice columnist

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Image from Flickr by EWULibraries

Consider for a moment that effective parenting is like coaching. Instead of simply pouring ourselves into our children or our clients, we take an inside-out approach to help them discover the wisdom within – and thus help them discover who they truly are. Lessons learned in this manner seem to have a far greater influence and impact.

Just five minutes ago, I received a call from my daughter Rachel, who was finishing her workday serving her clients at 9.30 p.m. on a Friday night. Listening to her go the extra mile to serve others was a very satisfying moment for me as a proud dad.

Exercise:

How can you use your coaching skills to bring out the best in your children, colleagues, friends and even clients?

“Words empty as the wind are best left unsaid.”

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“Words empty as the wind are best left unsaid.”

– Homer, Greek poet

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Image from Flickr by goldberg

To say that we live in an over-communicated world is an understatement. Homer, who lived around the eighth century BC, suggests through this quote that some words are full of value while others are empty and worthless.

If you had to pay the people you met and spoke with today for the value of what they shared, what would that value be? Take a moment to review some of these interactions to assess their worth. Which were of least or even negative value, and would have been better left unsaid?

Exercise:

Consider your communication with others in your world. How often are you sharing pearls of wisdom and value? How often should your inner thoughts be left unsaid? Imagine the impact on the world if everyone did this.

Trust is the glue of life

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“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

– Stephen Covey, American self-help author

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image from Flicker by Sam Catch

Trust is not something built with a quick-fix technique. It is developed through consistent habits in your personal and organizational interactions.

Exercise:

On a 1to 10 scale (1 = low 10 = high), how well do you exhibit the following behavior patterns, gluing your relationships together?

1. You avoid hidden agendas and are seen as open and transparent in your interactions.

2. You are sincere, honest, and demonstrate integrity through your words and actions.

3. You focus on giving versus getting, with the best interest of others in mind.

4. You invest your time in others and make their interests your interests.

5. You treat others with respect, dignity, and honor.

6. You take responsibility for mistakes (without making excuses) and clean things up quickly.

7. You are open and receptive to the feedback and contributions that others offer to you.

EXERCISE:

To dig a bit further into the issue of trust, consider taking my “Trust-o-Meter” assessment

Do a Little More

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“Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can.”

– Lowell Thomas, American journalist

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Image from Flickr by Jessa9

Exploring our limits is a useful exercise in a coaching relationship. By doing more, we usually achieve more.

I attend a local fitness center called Lifetime Fitness – which is a great name and an excellent example of branding. Among the staff are 25 personal trainers who support thousands of individuals to achieve their personal fitness goals. With physical and sometimes mental coaches by their side, people discover that they are able to do a little more each day than they think they can.

Exercise:

In what areas of your personal or professional life are you capable of one more rep, one more mile, or a little more of something than yesterday?

Select a friend, family member, mentor or coach in your life to push or pull you to be your very best each and every day.

You can even be your own coach by establishing a “one more …” Post-it note reminder in strategically placed locations in your environment.

the risk to remain tight

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

– Anaïs Nin, author

SONY DSCImage from Flickr by Matt Brittaine.

Safety and security are strong values for many people. They represent part of our collective comfort zones that play an important part in who we are. Unfortunately, there is often a very limiting and sometimes painful consequence to this “better safe than sorry” approach to life.

Exercise:

If a flower misses the rain and sunshine by not blooming, what are you potentially missing by not summoning the courage to blossom into your full expression of yourself? What actions will you take today to blossom?

Please reply and let me know what happens.