“There is a world of communication which is not dependent on words.”

Posted on by

“There is a world of communication which is not dependent on words.”

– Mary Martin, American actress

497Image from Flickr by sneetchbeach

My wife Wendy is a master at reading my non-verbal communication. She has a sixth sense that has the uncanny ability to transcribe my inner voice when I come back with the phrase, “I didn’t say anything.”

Consider the following non-verbal cues that are exhibited by all of us and that can have a significant impact on our most important personal and professional relationships:

1. Good eye contact communicates your level of involvement, interest and warmth.

2. Facial expressions can convey many emotions, including anger, contempt, disgust, happiness, sadness, fear and surprise. What messages have you been sending today?

3. Body orientation can demonstrate attentiveness and openness by leaning in, or disinterest or disrespect by angling away or by crossing your arms or legs.

Exercise:

Ask your family members and colleagues who are close to you for their genuine feedback on your non-verbal communication.

Learning to “listen with your eyes” to non-verbal cues can also help you improve your relationships with others by telling you when they have a question, want to say something, agree or disagree, or are perhaps having an emotional response that may need exploration.

A resource that I have on my bookshelf is Emotions Revealed (www.amazon.com/Emotions-Revealed-Recognizing-Communication-Emotional/dp/080507516X) by Paul Ekmen, which Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink and The Tipping Point, praises as “a tour de force.”

My Business Beat Interview with Chris Holman

Posted on by

I was interviewed recently on Michigan Business Network’s “Business Beat” show by Chris Holman.

We discussed:

  • What I do as a coach, and the purpose of coaching.
  • The importance of focusing on strengths versus weaknesses.
  • The key areas I concentrate on with clients: communications, relationship-building, leadership / management, and coaching.
  • The current economy and a new focus on entrepreneurialism and “economic gardening”.

To listen to this six-minute interview, simply click the “play” button below.

[audio:http://www.dempcoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Business-Beat-March-2014-2.mp3|titles=Barry Demp, “Business Beat”]

You can find more interviews with me on the Podcasts and Videos page on my coaching website.

Trust is the glue of life

Posted on by

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

– Stephen Covey, American self-help author

496

image from Flicker by Sam Catch

Trust is not something built with a quick-fix technique. It is developed through consistent habits in your personal and organizational interactions.

Exercise:

On a 1to 10 scale (1 = low 10 = high), how well do you exhibit the following behavior patterns, gluing your relationships together?

1. You avoid hidden agendas and are seen as open and transparent in your interactions.

2. You are sincere, honest, and demonstrate integrity through your words and actions.

3. You focus on giving versus getting, with the best interest of others in mind.

4. You invest your time in others and make their interests your interests.

5. You treat others with respect, dignity, and honor.

6. You take responsibility for mistakes (without making excuses) and clean things up quickly.

7. You are open and receptive to the feedback and contributions that others offer to you.

EXERCISE:

To dig a bit further into the issue of trust, consider taking my “Trust-o-Meter” assessment

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Posted on by

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

– George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright

495Image from Flickr by garryknight.

Imagine that you have just had what you believe to be a highly successful conversation with someone in either your personal or professional life. You are absolutely positive that your communication to the other person was crisp and clear in every detail, and that you listened to each and every nuance that was spoken …

… only to find that it was all an illusion.

What went wrong and how can you improve the odds of success in the future?

Exercise:

Try the following four-step technique the next time you absolutely need to be sure that your communication is as effective as possible.

1. Be clear about what each of you wish to achieve before you start.

2. Listen even more intently to be sure you understand what the other person is saying. Be sure to share your understanding before you move on to the other points which you wish to make, by asking better questions that demonstrate your sincere interest.

3. Determine which mode of communication is optimal for results you desire. Today we have email, text, social media, phone, video and of course face-to-face to choose from – all of which have their benefits and their challenges. To increase your odds of success, consider doubling or triple communicating using multiple channels – and pay particular attention to the channel your conversational partner prefers.

4. Finally, take responsibility for all communications being successful by putting yourself in the position of your partner, so that they as well as you achieve the desired results.

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.”

Posted on by

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.”

– Mahatma Gandhi, pacifist leader of Indian independence movement

494Image from Flickr by digitalmoneyworld.

How long do you expect to live? These days, life expectancy is going up a good bit due to new advances in medicine.

Another, perhaps more important, question to consider is how long do you expect to live in excellent, good or even modestly good health?

Exercise:

About 70% of our current health status is within our control, and about 30% is genetic. Consider the following exercises as sources of gold for a longer and healthier life:

1. Get an initial health check-up or physical from a well-regarded medical professional.

2. Evaluate your exercise, nutrition and lifestyle optimization strategies as a few first steps toward a more vibrant and healthier life.

3. Explore any of the following books and resources as you embark on this journey:

Younger Next Year: Turn Back Your Biological Clock, by Dr. Henry S. Lodge and Christopher Crowley

Body for Life: 12 Weeks to Mental and Physical Strength, by Bill Phillips and Michael D’Orso

The RealAge Test (www.doctoroz.com/realage)

Dr. Andrew Weil, the former surgeon general of the United States, has amassed a wealth of information on health at www.drweil.com.

I am a big fan of the website half.com to find gently used books at a hefty discount.

“Rest when you’re weary. Refresh and renew yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit. Then get back to work.”

Posted on by

“Rest when you’re weary. Refresh and renew yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit. Then get back to work.”

– Ralph Marston, American writer

493

Image from Flickr by Tambako the Jaguar

Imagine you are a high-quality battery in a new electric vehicle. When fully charged, you have ability to transport yourself and your cargo 100 miles. As you plan your trips, you are very careful to determine the exact distances you are traveling – and make absolutely certain you are home or at another recharging station with enough time to be prepared for your next excursion.

Unfortunately, many of us expect ourselves and others to always be at full charge emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually – which is not always the case. We even get upset and frustrated with ourselves and others when we fall short of this unrealistic target.

Exercise:

Consider picking up a copy of The Power of Full Engagement (www.amazon.com/The-Power-Full-Engagement-Performance/dp/0743226755) by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz and explore many of their energy-saving and energy-restoring strategies to help you get back to work and accomplish the important things you desire.

Feel free to reply with your own most effective recharging strategies.

Do a Little More

Posted on by

“Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can.”

– Lowell Thomas, American journalist

492

Image from Flickr by Jessa9

Exploring our limits is a useful exercise in a coaching relationship. By doing more, we usually achieve more.

I attend a local fitness center called Lifetime Fitness – which is a great name and an excellent example of branding. Among the staff are 25 personal trainers who support thousands of individuals to achieve their personal fitness goals. With physical and sometimes mental coaches by their side, people discover that they are able to do a little more each day than they think they can.

Exercise:

In what areas of your personal or professional life are you capable of one more rep, one more mile, or a little more of something than yesterday?

Select a friend, family member, mentor or coach in your life to push or pull you to be your very best each and every day.

You can even be your own coach by establishing a “one more …” Post-it note reminder in strategically placed locations in your environment.

“Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.”

Posted on by

“Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.”

– Publilius Syrus, Roman writer

491Image from Flickr by Hammerin Man.

Who are some of the people you most admire in your personal and professional life? Which of their qualities make them stand out as people whose ship you’d sail upon?

Below is a short list of qualities to consider:

  • Leadership
  • Courage
  • Fortitude
  • Boldness
  • Passion
  • Integrity
  • Honor

Exercise:

What qualities would you add that represent the “right stuff” to help us navigate the rougher seas of life?

Where might you benefit from some extra sailing lessons, so that others would put you on their list of admirable individuals?

“There’s always some further action to take.”

Posted on by

“There’s always some further action to take.”

– Pierre Boulle, French novelist

490Image from Flickr by Celestine Chua.

One of my favorite coaching techniques is called the “pivot point”. It involves three steps:

Step 1: Assessing the current reality of a situation.

Step 2: Identifying and choosing a vision for the future that you (and perhaps others) desire.

Step 3: Selecting and taking the next appropriate action to get you to your desired goal or objective.

Taking Step 1 alone can provide for considerable awareness … but it will leave you right where you are. Taking Step 2 leaves you with only a possible future, or what some may call “wishful thinking”.

By taking the last and final action step, you can make these potential futures real.

Exercise:

Where are you currently stuck at Step 1 or Step 2 in your personal or professional pivots? How can you take the next action step?

“One resolution I have made and always try to keep is this: to rise above the little things.”

Posted on by

“One resolution I have made and always try to keep is this: to rise above the little things.”

– John Burrows, American naturalist and essayist

489Image from Flickr by Dave M Photography.

Are you familiar with the term “pot hole”? Here in Michigan, these holes in our roads have become a substantial issue. It is becoming increasingly difficult to navigate our roadways to reach our destinations without bumps and substantial zigging and zagging.

Consider what “pot holes” in your personal and professional life are slowing you down, getting in your way or simply taking up attention that would be better focused on other matters.

Exercise:

How will you rise above these issues or simply patch these holes for good and move faster toward your objectives?