“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears – by listening to them.”

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“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears – by listening to them.”

—Dean Rusk, Former United States Secretary of State

Image from Flickr by Travis Isaacs

Image from Flickr by Travis Isaacs

The best salesmen in the world have a number of things in common. They are exceptional listeners. They listen more than they talk. They are far more focused on being interested versus interesting. They honor what others say and make sure that others have plenty of time to express their thoughts and opinions.

How do these qualities help salesmen (and people in general) be more persuasive? Consider the art of listening as a form of verbal judo, where the thoughts and ideas expressed by those we listen to closely are points of leverage that allow us to move them in a direction that fits with their own commitments and desires.

Exercise:

How can using your ears and becoming a masterful listener help you influence and persuade others in your professional or personal life?

Consider picking up a copy of any of the following books to enhance your mastery of this important skill:
To Sell is Human by Daniel Pink
Just Listen by Mark Goulston
Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson and others

You can also download a free copy of my workbook on Masterful Relationships
(Enter the password barrydemp (all lower case))

Lastly, you can read past Quotable Coach posts on relationships and listening.

“There’s plenty of room at the top, but there’s no room to sit down.”

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“There’s plenty of room at the top, but there’s no room to sit down.”

– Helen Downey (attrib.)

Photo from Flickr by Horasis

Photo from Flickr by Horasis

Look at the people you most admire in your professional and personal life.

How did they reach the top of your list? My guess is because of their values, their character, and the way they take a proactive approach to life.

Exercise:

Where would a “stand up and step forward” attitude help you take your rightful place among the people at the top of their game?

“Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted.”

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“Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted.”

– David Bly, American politician and member of the House of Representatives

Photo from Flickr by Tim Buss

Photo from Flickr by Tim Buss

The world is filled with “get rich quick” schemes, like the miracle diet that will let you lose weight effortlessly, and many other supposedly low-effort, high-result strategies. The problem with just about all of them is that they simply do not work.

I really like the word “striving.” It causes me to think of pursuing a noble and passionate cause when I’m “all in” and won’t stop until the goal is reached.

For me, though, it is not simply the goal that is the source of this striving. My passion, inspiration, and fundamental purpose for being mobilized into action are also essential.

Exercise:

What are the important goals and hoped-for harvests in your professional and personal life that inspire you to strive and do the hard and challenging work required of you today?

 

“Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.”

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“Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.”

-Sigmund Freud, Austrian neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis

Brené Brown, from her TED talk (see link below).

Brené Brown, from her TED talk (see link below).

In recent years, the subject of “vulnerability” has received a great deal of media coverage due to the work of authors such as Brené Brown.

In two of her recent books, The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, which are based on considerable research, she clearly debunks the idea that vulnerability is weakness and indicates that it is far more correlated with courage and strength, as Freud suggests.

Exercise:

Where would being vulnerable in either your professional or personal life demonstrate the strength of your commitment to something of great importance to you?

Consider watching Brené Brown’s TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability

“The best way to succeed in this world is to act on the advice you give to others.”

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“The best way to succeed in this world is to act on the advice you give to others.”

– Author Unknown

Photo from Flickr by Paleontour

Photo from Flickr by Paleontour

The quote above has many brother and sister quotes. Do either of the following sound familiar?

•  Practice what you preach
•  Walk your talk

Imagine your words of wisdom and advice are like boomerangs. When you throw them toward others, with the intention to help and serve, they will always return to you, so you can apply their lessons to yourself.

Exercise:

Pay particular attention to the suggestions and guidance you offer others today, and see how impeccably you follow your own advice and counsel.

Feel free to share any similar brother or sister quotes to the ones above by replying to this message.

 

Never Quit

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“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”

—Douglas MacArthur, American five-star General and Field Marshal

My Dad, Marvin Demp

My Dad, Marvin Demp

I recently spent some time with my extended family in the Philadelphia area, due to the passing of my brother-in-law Arthur. One benefit of this sad time was the gathering of everyone to celebrate his remarkable life and to reconnect with one another.

During this time we visited with family from the age of one  – little Noah –  to my dad Marvin, age eighty-eight. Some of the discussions we had related to the changing phases in all of our lives, including a few wrinkles, an extra pound or two, and a little more grey hair.

I was delighted to see everyone still fully engaged in life — not a wrinkled soul in the bunch!

Exercise:

How can you stay fully engaged in your life, avoid wrinkles of your soul, and remain forever young – no matter what your age?

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

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“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank, diarist and Holocaust victim

Photo from Flickr by Symphony of Love
Photo from Flickr by Symphony of Love

If you happen to watch the news these days, it sure looks like the world could use some improving. You might ask yourself, “Who am I to tackle such a matter? I am only one person in the world and its challenges seem infinite.”

One strategy that comes to mind is related to that old saying, “How do you eat an elephant?” If you’ve never heard this before, the answer is, “One bite at a time.”

Exercise:

Examine the areas of your own life, including your health, your family, your local community, your workplace, and others that come to mind where you can seize this moment to take a small or big bite and improve your piece of the world.

If we all did this together each day, imagine how much the whole world would improve.

“Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.”

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“Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.”

– John W. Gardner, American educator and politician

Girl-with-crayons-quote-597

Photo from Flickr by Roseannadana

Think back to the last time you visited the home of a family with young children. You probably saw various pieces of artwork created by those young Rembrants, Picassos, and Monets around their home, especially on the kitchen fridge.

Children live their lives as free spirits and don’t seem to be all too concerned about how things look. As we age, this changes. We become far more aware of the judgments and opinions of others and we often find ourselves holding back our most authentic expressions of ourselves.

Exercise:

How would your professional or personal life look if you threw away all erasers, and simply leaped into each day to pursue your own journey of artistic living?

“There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem and a concerned person solves a problem.”

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“There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem and a concerned person solves a problem.”

—Harold Stephens, American Author

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Image from Flickr by Debs

Have you ever watched a mouse racing around one of those circular wheels, never getting anywhere? They run and run and always end up in the same place. Alternatively, think about running on a treadmill. We get all worked up and sweaty, but find ourselves in the same place.

Worry is like that. In this case, the treadmills are in our minds. Concern, on the other hand, seems to have more of a mobilizing quality that takes us out of our heads and off those treadmills so we can set out on a journey to an eventual solution.

Exercise:

Where would a shift from worry to concern mobilize your thoughts and actions toward a successful solution in some important professional or personal issue today?

 

“The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.”

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“The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.”

– Vince Lombardi, American football coach

Image of a man standing on a mountain top

Image from Flickr by Matty Bishwam

When I think of mountain climbers, I think of people pursuing adventures and challenging themselves to achieve a new level of greatness or accomplishment.

Take a look at your own progress towards the summits of your professional and personal goals.

Exercise:

Are you getting where you want to go? Have your mountains recently been more like molehills?

What planning is required and what people or gear will you need to achieve the satisfaction of reaching the top of your most important life summits?