“Habits are first cobwebs, then cables.”

Posted on September 16, 2014 by Barry

“Habits are first cobwebs, then cables.”

– Spanish Proverb

Photo from Flickr by Koen

As a new year approaches, many people make resolutions to achieve various personal and professional goals. Research points out that well over 90 percent of their objectives never come to pass.

Most experts tell us it takes three to six weeks to create a habit. A new attempt at exercise, diet, and getting into better shape is like the first filament in a cobweb – delicate, unsupported, easily torn.

If, however, we continue the positive behaviors over longer periods of time, the filaments become cables that hold our lives together, strong enough to endure the challenges that might pull the weaker filaments apart.

EXERCISE:

Do a personal assessment of both your most positive and negative habits.

What will you need to do to support and strengthen those that serve you best?

What is necessary to break the strong cables of your undesirable habits, and replace them with the cobwebs – and eventually cables – of the behaviors you most desire?

To Conquer Ourselves

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Barry

”It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.”

– Sir Edmund Hillary, the first climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.

Photo from Flickr by Popeyed

Sir Edmund Hillary is one of the world’s most famous mountain climbers. His adventures to the top of Mount Everest, the tallest mountain in the world, are legendary.

Hillary knew that we must first face and climb our internal mountains if we are ever to surmount the challenges we face in our outer worlds.

EXERCISE:

What external mountains do you need to face or climb? How will you summon the courage to conquer the internal barriers that appear to keep you safe and limited at base camp?

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Posted on September 12, 2014 by Barry

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

– Aristotle, Greek Philosopher & Student of Plato

Photo from Flickr by RasMarley

For centuries, people believed the world was flat. Aristotle himself considered that “fact” long and hard before he accepted the spherical shape of the Earth on empirical grounds around 330 BC. Today “flat earth” thinking won’t get the job done.

Aristotle suggests that the ability to think through an issue without the issue having a good/bad, true/false, yes/no perspective is an indicator of educated intellect. In some regards, an open mind is an access point to creativity and invention.

EXERCISE:

Consider, as you go through your day, how quickly you accept or reject a thought, a statement, a request, without “entertaining” the possibility of its validity. What can you learn about yourself and your life by being willing to let go of immediate judgments or decisions?

“Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.”

Posted on September 11, 2014 by Barry

“Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.”

– René Descartes, French Philosopher and Writer

Photo from Flickr by William Warby

There is no such thing as an “overnight success,” but there is a formula to become one. Before you argue the inherent contradiction in that statement, consider this:

An “overnight success” is the result of the journey of personal mastery, which is built on continuous self-improvement gained through experiential learning over considerable time. The “formula” IS the journey, which demonstrates itself through the phenomenal capacities we achieve beyond those of our previous selves.

EXERCISE:

Envision the simple, ordinary, and daily problems you are solving today. How might they be the beginning or early stages of your journey of personal mastery, in some aspect of your professional or personal life?

“Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pockets.”

Posted on September 10, 2014 by Barry

“Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pockets.”

—Author Unknown

Image from Flickr by Travis Hornung

The spring and fall seasons here in Michigan require a “clean-up process” of leaves and other plant-related debris. This includes the need to climb up ladders and clear out the gutters on our roofs.

Imagine taking on this task and being told you had to leave your hands in your pockets as you climbed. Would you do it? Of course not!

Notice when, in your personal or professional life, you take on tasks half-heartedly, thereby leaving your hands in your pockets.

Exercise:

Where would grasping the ladder of success with both hands make the biggest difference for you today?

“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears – by listening to them.”

Posted on September 9, 2014 by Barry

“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears – by listening to them.”

—Dean Rusk, Former United States Secretary of State

Image from Flickr by Travis Isaacs

The best salesmen in the world have a number of things in common. They are exceptional listeners. They listen more than they talk. They are far more focused on being interested versus interesting. They honor what others say and make sure that others have plenty of time to express their thoughts and opinions.

How do these qualities help salesmen (and people in general) be more persuasive? Consider the art of listening as a form of verbal judo, where the thoughts and ideas expressed by those we listen to closely are points of leverage that allow us to move them in a direction that fits with their own commitments and desires.

Exercise:

How can using your ears and becoming a masterful listener help you influence and persuade others in your professional or personal life?

Consider picking up a copy of any of the following books to enhance your mastery of this important skill:
To Sell is Human by Daniel Pink
Just Listen by Mark Goulston
Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson and others

You can also download a free copy of my workbook on Masterful Relationships
(Enter the password barrydemp (all lower case))

Lastly, you can read past Quotable Coach posts on relationships and listening.

“There’s plenty of room at the top, but there’s no room to sit down.”

Posted on September 8, 2014 by Barry

“There’s plenty of room at the top, but there’s no room to sit down.”

– Helen Downey (attrib.)

Photo from Flickr by Horasis

Look at the people you most admire in your professional and personal life.

How did they reach the top of your list? My guess is because of their values, their character, and the way they take a proactive approach to life.

Exercise:

Where would a “stand up and step forward” attitude help you take your rightful place among the people at the top of their game?

“Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted.”

Posted on September 5, 2014 by Barry

“Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted.”

– David Bly, American politician and member of the House of Representatives

Photo from Flickr by Tim Buss

The world is filled with “get rich quick” schemes, like the miracle diet that will let you lose weight effortlessly, and many other supposedly low-effort, high-result strategies. The problem with just about all of them is that they simply do not work.

I really like the word “striving.” It causes me to think of pursuing a noble and passionate cause when I’m “all in” and won’t stop until the goal is reached.

For me, though, it is not simply the goal that is the source of this striving. My passion, inspiration, and fundamental purpose for being mobilized into action are also essential.

Exercise:

What are the important goals and hoped-for harvests in your professional and personal life that inspire you to strive and do the hard and challenging work required of you today?

“Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.”

Posted on September 4, 2014 by Barry

“Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.”

-Sigmund Freud, Austrian neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis

Brené Brown, from her TED talk (see link below).

In recent years, the subject of “vulnerability” has received a great deal of media coverage due to the work of authors such as Brené Brown.

In two of her recent books, The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, which are based on considerable research, she clearly debunks the idea that vulnerability is weakness and indicates that it is far more correlated with courage and strength, as Freud suggests.

Exercise:

Where would being vulnerable in either your professional or personal life demonstrate the strength of your commitment to something of great importance to you?

Consider watching Brené Brown’s TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability

“The best way to succeed in this world is to act on the advice you give to others.”

Posted on September 3, 2014 by Barry

“The best way to succeed in this world is to act on the advice you give to others.”

– Author Unknown

Photo from Flickr by Paleontour

The quote above has many brother and sister quotes. Do either of the following sound familiar?

• Practice what you preach
• Walk your talk

Imagine your words of wisdom and advice are like boomerangs. When you throw them toward others, with the intention to help and serve, they will always return to you, so you can apply their lessons to yourself.

Exercise:

Pay particular attention to the suggestions and guidance you offer others today, and see how impeccably you follow your own advice and counsel.

Feel free to share any similar brother or sister quotes to the ones above by replying to this message.