“You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose. This thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.”

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“You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose. This thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.”

– Mary Pickford, actress

Whenever I’m asked about the value of coaching, I usually say that people who have a coach almost always achieve more than they would on their own, faster than they would on their own. One key reason for this is that they get up more quickly following the setbacks that often occur when they stretch beyond their comfort zones.

A coach supports the propensity for committed action and will often provide a hand – or even a kick in the butt if necessary – to help people get up, brush away the dust of apparent failure, capture the lessons learned, and get right back to it.

Exercise:

Select a setback or failure you recently experienced and discuss it with a close friend or colleague. Request their coaching or support to get right back on the horse and try again.

Schedule frequent touch-points with this individual, so that if you stumble again, you bounce back more quickly and give it another go.

What becomes fragile when we age

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“What becomes fragile when we age is not our bodies as much as our egos. The best time to take some daring steps is when we get older.”

– Helen Hayes, actress

Image of seniors rollerblading

Prospective clients often ask me: Who are your coaches? Who supports you in living your best life?

Over the years, a number of key people who have supported me. The best and most enduring has been my 86-year-old father, Marvin. For over 56 years, he has been a steadfast supporter.

This past year, following the passing of my mom, my dad and I, along with my wonderful wife Wendy, engaged in what was, for us, some adventures:

  • A ride in a hot air balloon.
  • A safari in Disney World’s Animal Kingdom.
  • A high-speed adventure on the Test Track ride at Disney World.
  • A trip to the top of Mount Washington, the highest peak on the East Coast, on the famous Cog Railroad.
  • A canoe ride down the Delaware River.

Exercise:

Regardless of your age, how can you find a bit more daring and adventure to spice up your life, and engage others you care about in the journey?

Feel free to reply to this message with some of your own efforts to step out of your aging ego.

“One can choose to go back toward safety, or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

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“One can choose to go back toward safety, or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

– Abraham Maslow, psychologist

What would you do today if you were laid off from your job unexpectedly? Most of us would be jolted from our experience of relative stability into full alert, maybe even panic.

On the other hand, what if each morning, you had a new job or career, where you got to lead and influence your day? What new results and difference could you make? It’s up to you to pursue safety or growth, courage or fear. Your choice!

Exercise:

As you go throughout your day, reflect on the following thoughts:

Faced with X, I usually do Y. Instead, I’m going to choose Z which will support my growth.

Consider writing me back and let me know what “Z”s you took.

“To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

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“To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

– Mother Teresa, Catholic saint and Nobel peace prize winner

To keep our bodies going, we must put food and water into them. To keep our cars running, we must put fuel into them. To keep our appliances running, we must plug them into an energy source.

Exercise:

Beyond food and water, what is your proverbial oil that keeps you burning? Consider selecting from the list below – and feel free to reply to this email with some of your own ideas:

  • Quality of relationships
  • The pursuit of knowledge and wisdom
  • Religious and faith-based practices
  • Meaningful goals that inspire your passion and efforts
  • Commitment to community and country
  • A journey toward personal mastery
  • Helping or being of service to others

“The heart that gives, gathers.”

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“The Heart That Gives, Gathers.”

– Marianne Moore, poet and writer

Photo from freehdw.com

When I began my coaching career 20 years ago, the primary method I used to build my business was networking. Of course, this was at the early stages of the internet and social media was about a decade away from seeing its first light.

Networking, when practiced most effectively, emphasizes giving before gathering. In fact if you actually try to gather first, it most often backfires. The premise of giving is that it both feels right and often generates a desire from the other person to reciprocate in kind.

Exercise:

1. Focus, in the coming weeks, on generously contributing to members of your networks.

2. Go out of your way to meet new people, who may at some point be valuable additions to yourself and your existing network.
Don’t count on it, but also don’t be surprised when you reap the rewards of reciprocity.

You can get a copy of my Masterful Networking workbook from www.dempcoaching.com/workbooks or by emailing me.

“How far you go in life

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“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because some day in your life you will have been all of these.”

– George Washington Carver, scientist and inventor

three generation photo

My father, daughter, self, and wife Wendy

At my current age, I find myself often reflecting on my life and on those around me. I consider myself fortunate to be aware of myself and my world as I support others through coaching.

In the past few months, I’ve interacted with babies, seen young teens celebrate their B’nai Mitzvah, celebrated my son’s marriage, partnered with many middle-aged individuals in a variety of professional and personal challenges, and partnered with my wonderful wife in supporting my aging father.

Exercise:

What stage of life do you find yourself in, and how can you partner with those around you to appreciate and generously contribute to all the people you meet along the way?

“I have one life and one chance to make it count for something. … My faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can, with whatever I have, to try to make a difference.”

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“I have one life and one chance to make it count for something. … My faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can, with whatever I have, to try to make a difference.”

– Jimmy Carter, 39th President

Jimmy Carter sums up a fundamental need (and value) that most people have. His life is a very strong example of fulfilling the need to contribute and to make a difference. Even at the age of 88, he still puts forth his best in support of a variety of causes that have great meaning and purpose.

Exercise:

Where are today’s opportunities for you to do whatever you can to make a difference in your world?

Given your health status and your capabilities, what are some of the longer-range goals that you will commit to, to make your life count and to leave a legacy of contribution?

“A ‘coach’ remains something or someone who carries a valued person from where they are to where they want to be.”

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“A ‘coach’ remains something or someone who carries a valued person from where they are to where they want to be.”

– Kevin Hall, writer

Someone I admire once mentioned to me that when we define something, we limit it, and when we distinguish something, we open up the possibilities of what it can be.

Hall, in this quote, appears to be defining the word “coach” as either a person, or an event or thing that helps you go from where you are to where you want to be. The attribute of “caring for another” is also inherent in his understanding of the word.

Exercise:

Who are the people in your life that act as support structures for you, helping you to get where you want to be?

What are the things in your world that also act as supportive coaches and assist and support your journey?

Make some efforts this week to both acknowledge the coaches and to expand this list beyond its current scope.

“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.”

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“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.”

– A Chinese proverb

As a coach, one of the common projects I help people with is starting a new business.

Approximately 80% of business efforts fail in the first five years. Starting a business can be both an exciting and scary time. Thoughts such as “What if this happens..?” “I don’t know how to …” and general fears of the unknown often cause lots of false starts and second-guessing.

The good news is that few new ventures are without examples of people who’ve been there and done that.

Exercise:

Do your homework well before you jump into the deep end, and study the efforts and outcomes of others who’ve gone before you. This way, you can take the good and leave the bad on your journey.

To dramatically improve your odds, I strongly suggest you seek the support of mentors, coaches and supporters with a track record of success.

“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

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“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

– Thomas Edison, inventor

How often have you noticed that many projects take quite a bit longer to complete than expected? Sometimes these efforts are thwarted by organizational complexity and misalignment and never see the light of day.

I fully support the use of appropriate systems and procedures when there is alignment among the group. This is often not the case, however, and issues remain unresolved due to the underlying disagreements.

Exercise:

Next time you are part of a committee, task force or project team that’s having difficulty getting something across the goal line, try using the following technique:

Step #1: Ask, “What do you think we should be doing differently, that would work better?”
Step #2: Try on the ideas of others to see if you can align with their suggestions.
Step #3: If for some reason you don’t align with their suggestions, make a counter-proposal and start again.

This iterative process will have the group challenge out-dated or dysfunctional rules – and hopefully get it back on the road to greater accomplishment.