Tag Archives: Demp Coaching

Remember to say what you mean

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“Remember to say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly.”

—Elizabeth George, American writer of the Inspector Lynley mysteries

Image of two people at a table

Image from Unsplash by RawPixel

I am currently working with a young manager who is preparing a performance review for a colleague who is falling considerably short of the expectations for the job.

He had begun writing his report, and noticed how harsh it appeared. He felt fearful and anxious, considering the likely impact on this individual, whom he must work with each day.

His request for coaching was related to his need to communicate the poor performance in a way that would support openness, and encourage improved performance. He didn’t want to crush this person’s spirit and have them withdraw.

EXERCISE:

Where in either your professional or personal life do you need to say what you mean in a far more acceptable way? Consider one of my favorite books, Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott, to help you. Two additional resources for your consideration on this subject are Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations.

What comes easy won’t last long

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“What comes easy won’t last long, and what lasts long won’t come easy.”

—Author Unknown

Image of a sand castly by the ocean

Image from Unsplash by Dallas Reedy

Are you a builder?

All of us are, to some degree.

Take a trip into your memory banks to revisit the sand castles, school projects, tree houses, do-it-yourself projects, and perhaps even a business, you have begun or completed.

How much time and effort went into each example? Which of these have stood the test of time?

If you enjoy the idea of building extraordinary things, consider checking out the series Impossible Engineering on the Science Channel. Each episode details how giant structures and record-breaking buildings are built, how they work, and how they have shaped our modern world.

EXERCISE:

What are some of your most important personal and professional projects?

How will you maximize your efforts and levels of commitment to make sure they are built to last?

The purpose of Art

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“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off of our souls.”

—Pablo Picasso, 20th Century Spanish Painter

Image of a dusty ceiling fan

Image from Tripadvisor

Some weeks ago, a close friend came over to help me repair a ceiling fan. Given my limited handiness and my desire to not electrocute myself, I reached out for some coaching on the matter.

Beyond the repair, I was a bit embarrassed by the amount of dust that had accumulated on the blades and bulbs.

Unless cleaning your house from top to bottom brings you joy and you do it often, dust is bound to accumulate. In the same way, if we neglect our inner world, our souls can get a bit dusty as well.

Although most of us would not see ourselves as a Picasso, we all have an artist within us that can help wash off the dust of daily life.

One of my favorite art forms is cooking. Various foods and seasonings represent the spectrum of flavors for each meal.

EXERCISE:

Please reply to this post with your own form of artistic expression that helps you dust off your soul to lead a more beautiful life.

Friday Review of Uniqueness

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FRIDAY REVIEW: UNIQUENESS

What does it really mean to be “unique”? Here are a few uniqueness-related posts you may have missed. Click the links to read the full messages.

 

“Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.”

 

 

 

“Be who you are, say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

 

 

 

“Do more of what makes you awesome.”

 

 

 

 

 

If you were to do nothing

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“Think of the consequences if you were to do nothing.”

—Author Unknown

FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out – has many folks living in overdrive throughout their days. When asked by colleagues and friends how they are, they respond with words such as, busy, slammed, and crazy.

A common exercise I offer to my clients is to create a Time Log – to capture the reality of where their time is going. With this new awareness, they can reduce or stop certain activities completely, and regain a greater degree of control in their lives.

In the case of the seeming urgent but not important aspects of life, doing nothing has no real consequences. On the other hand, doing nothing on the important aspects that may also be urgent (or not) can have significant consequences.

EXERCISE:

Consider creating a Time Log or applying Steven Covey’s Time Matrix to the various aspects of your life.

we learn by taking action

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“We learn by taking action and seeing whether it works or not.”

—Patrick Lencioni, Author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team

Image from Unsplash by Rawpixel

In the book BOLD – How to Go Big, Create Wealth, and Impact the World, authors Peter Diamandis and Steven Kotler point out key strategies to achieve breakthrough results.

It seems that most innovative and pioneering organizations and people use a form of rapid experimentation and iterations to come up with amazing products and services. Those products and services eventually come into our lives just like a delivery from Amazon.

One example is the process Google X (or just “X”) uses to support their prolific product development. Their “Never Fail to Fail” innovation principles use this rapid iteration process to fail frequently, fail fast, and most importantly, fail forward.

EXERCISE:

How can you increase your level of action and experimentation to create far more innovative solutions to better your world?

Pick up a copy of BOLD to examine many other ideas to make a far bigger dent in your own universe.

A well-developed sense of humor

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“A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.”

—William Arthur Ward, 20th Century Author of inspirational maxims

Image of Pope Francis in a crowd

Photo from Unsplash by Ashwin Vaswani

Are you a student of leadership?

If so, I highly suggest you watch the Netflix film, Pope Francis – A Man of His Word.

The film demonstrates a man who lives what he preaches and who has gained the trust of people across the world, from all religions, cultures, and social backgrounds.

His universal wisdom and message of hope provides views on many global questions and issues including social justice, immigration, ecology, wealth inequality, materialism, and the role of the family.

Toward the end of this film he suggests that each of us can participate in this global community effort by wearing a smile more often, and by developing a better sense of humor to add more balance to our lives.

EXERCISE:

Consider watching this important film with family and friends. Allow time after the viewing for discussion and dialogue to see how you can and will benefit from his universal message of hope.

Most Good Resolutions

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“Most good resolutions start too late and end too soon.”

—Arnold Glasow, 20th Century American Humorist

Image of an empty gym

Image from Unsplash by Inspired Horizons Digital

The New Year’s resolution to be healthy and fit is beginning to hit a speed bump at my fitness club. During the first weeks of the year, the parking lot was full, there were lines for the showers, and far too many soiled towels on the floor.

At the same time, all sorts of treats, including cookies, cakes, and candy were popping up in the kitchen at work, as the new “Salad Warriors” eliminated them from their homes.

Discipline and self-restraint are now waning a bit, and far too many of us are giving in to the comfort foods and warm covers associated with winter.

EXERCISE:

What are the resolutions that you either started too late or ended too soon?

How might you incorporate a more rigorous accountability structure to tackle these priority areas once and for all?

Please consider reading or re-reading Steven Covey’s classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as one of your first steps in this process.

Friday Review of Posts on Thinking

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FRIDAY REVIEW: THINKING

How often do you think about the way you (or others) think? Here are a few thinking-related posts you may have missed. Click the links to read the full messages.

 

“The ability to perceive or think differently is more important than the knowledge gained.”

 

 

 

“Great minds like a think.”

 

 

 

 

“If you see the world in black and white, you’re missing important grey matter.”

 

 

 

One aspect of a successful relationship

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“One aspect of a successful relationship is not just how compatible you are, but how you deal with your incompatibility.”

—Daniel Goleman, Founder of the Emotional Intelligence Movement

Image of an older couple sitting on a bench overlooking the ocean

Image from Unsplash by James Hose Jr.

Did you know that in western cultures, over 90 percent of people marry? Healthy marriages are good for the couple, and for their children. Unfortunately, 40-50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

During the courting/dating phase of a relationship, compatibility is a key element to the initial connection. Over time, partners begin seeing aspects of one another they were a bit blind to during the “show only your best side” phase.

Goleman and other experts on successful marriage point to numerous success factors – see the list below – that help marriage stand the test of time.

  • Respecting each other’s differences
  • Sharing common values
  • Open and honest communication
  • Being fair and respectful
  • Having a sense of humor
  • Demonstrating appreciation and gratitude
  • Honesty and integrity
  • Sensitivity, compassion, empathy
  • Seeing your marriage as a partnership and working as a team
  • Forgiveness for your partner and yourself

EXERCISE:

On this Valentine’s Day, consider having a discussion with your partner regarding this list. What efforts can and will you take to make your relationship more successful and fulfilling?