Tag Archives: Relationships

They invented hugs to let people know

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“They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything.”

-Bil Keane, American Cartoonist, author of The Family Circus

Image of LOVE statue

Image from Flickr by Jan Karlo Camero

On this Valentine’s Day, let’s imagine we are from Missouri—the “Show Me” state—where actions speak louder than words.

In his book The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman states that only one of the languages actually says anything. The other four ways to show our love are:

  • Spending quality time
  • Receiving and giving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch, including hugs

EXERCISE:

How can and will you say and demonstrate your love for the special people in your life, this Valentine’s Day, and every day to come?

Consider picking up a copy of Chapman’s important book, to become more masterful at demonstrating your love to others.

Friday Review Relationships

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FRIDAY REVIEW: RELATIONSHIPS

We have many different relationships in life. Here are a few relationship-related posts you may have missed. Click the links to read the full message.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

 

 

 

 

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.”

 

 

 

“Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we’ve touched.”

 

 

 

 

Still Say No

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“You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say NO.”

-Author Unknown

Image of man with bullhorn

image from drdavidgeier.com

‘NO’ is one of the most important and powerful words in our language. At home and at work, we use it to protect ourselves, and to stand up for the things and people that truly matter to us.

The word ‘NO,’ used incorrectly, can also destroy what we value the most, by alienating and angering people.

In his book “The Power of a Positive NO,” William Ury—a top Harvard Professor—shares his secret to saying ‘NO’ without destroying our most important and valued relationships.

EXERCISE:

In addition to purchasing his book, please check out Professor Ury’s TED talk about the walk from ‘NO’ to ‘YES.’

when you connect with people

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“When you connect with people from the core, you learn a whole lot more.”

-Author Unknown

Image of people in a circle

Image from JumpCloud

Relationships and connecting with others are among the most valuable skills any of us can have. Books, blogs, podcasts, seminars, and other resources on this subject abound, yet most of us fall short of the level of excellence and mastery we desire.

Today’s quote points to the importance of experiencing one another at a far deeper level than many of us are willing to go. We’re afraid because of the level of openness and vulnerability inherent in the depths those relationships require.

EXERCISE:

How can and will you be more courageous to express your core beliefs, values, and emotions to deepen your most valued relationships?

Be at war with your vices

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“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”

-Benjamin Franklin, American Founding Father

Image from Quote of the Day

I like bargains and two-for-one sales. This quote is a three-for-one! In Ben Franklin’s time, the word “vices” perhaps meant “behaviors that do not better oneself or another.” Today, I suggest we consider them  “bad habits” instead.

The idea of being a better person points to our ability to learn, grow, and improve as individuals.

Exercise:

What bad habits/vices will you declare war upon? In which relationships will you make a stand for peace? In what ways do you intend to be a better person in this new year?

Defining a Friend

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“A friend is a person before whom I may think aloud.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, 19th Century American Essayist

Image of fingers with faces painted on

Image from www.lesaviezvous.net

How many true friends do you have?

I recently had a coaching session with a new client. He expressed a sense of emptiness due to a lack of true friends in his life, the surface nature of many of his relationships, and the significant lack of depth in his professional and personal discussions.

He also noted the need for greater courage and vulnerability, should he choose to open himself up and chance the risk of being judged.

EXERCISE:

Examine your own risk/reward ratio of thinking aloud more often, to develop and expand the friendships that can enhance your life.

Things you do for yourself

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“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.”

—Kalu Ndukwe Kalu, former NFL Defensive End

Image of hands, one giving a flower to the other

Image from Unsplash by Evan Kirby

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to speak at an Optimist Club meeting here in southeast Michigan. Part of their meeting was given to announcements about a half-dozen public service and fundraising projects with which the group is involved.

It was inspiring to see how engaged, enthusiastic, and full of life the club members were as they put others first. They are clearly building a legacy through their passionate, contributory efforts.

EXERCISE:

Who in either your personal or professional worlds could benefit most from what you have to give? How will you both feel when you do?

Feel free to let me know what happens if you choose to take on this exercise.

Some Cause Happiness

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

—Oscar Wilde, 19th Century Irish Playwright and Poet

Image of two women smiling

Image from Flickr by Christopher Connell

Who would you want to be with if you were stuck in an elevator for an hour or longer?

What one person would you want to be with if you were stranded on a deserted island?

If someone calls you at home just as you head to bed for the night, who would you most want that caller to be?

EXERCISE:

Examine the qualities and characteristics of the people you identified. How does your happiness index improve by the thought of their company?

What work may be needed on your part to have others put you on their list of special people?

Find Good Support

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“Don’t wait for someone to take you under their wing. Find a good wing and climb up underneath it.”

—Frank C. Bucard, Author of The Trust Puzzle

Image from Flickr by Savannah Sam Photography

Image from Flickr by Savannah Sam Photography

We all need help if we are to fly high and far.

Think back to the recent Olympics in Brazil, and consider the social supports in place for each athlete. Beyond their coaches, there were friends, family, mentors, and sports psychologists directing their efforts toward personal excellence.

In the event you do not have your own team of supportive individuals lined up to encourage and uphold you, begin today to seek them out, and choose the very best. With a champion’s spirit and effort, both you and those with “good wings” will benefit greatly.

EXERCISE:

Once your “A” team of supportive individuals are on board, take the initiative to spread your own wings for others to climb underneath.

Don’t belittle yourself

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“Don’t belittle yourself. Be-Big yourself.”

—Corita Kent, American Catholic Nun

Image from fineartamerica.com

Image from fineartamerica.com

There is, perhaps, no greater destructive force in relationships than that of belittling and diminishing others. Eleanor Roosevelt gave us a bit of coaching with her famous quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Today’s quote points to the not always recognized inner critic and the things we say about ourselves. How often do you chastise, berate, belittle, and judge yourself, personally or professionally?

EXERCISE:

What alternative “Be-Bigging” messages can you use now and in the future to build, empower, and support your own self-confidence and self-worth?

Consider enlisting the help and coaching of others when you aren’t aware of these often hidden attempts to bring yourself down.