I remember receiving, as a child, a brand new box of Crayola Crayons – one with 64 colors in a flip-top box with that super-special sharpening tool built into the back.
Once I began my work as a burgeoning artist, I noticed that my favorite crayons – the colors I was most drawn to – would quickly become shorter than the others. Sometimes they would break, due to my zealous artistic efforts.
Later, if I wanted to use my favorites, I had to search for the stubby remnants of years past in an old cigar box that once belonged to my grandfather, Papa Lu-Lu.
EXERCISE:
What are the metaphorical crayons you work with each day? How can your daily efforts and practices with these qualities and skills continue to help you generate a beautiful, colorful professional and personal life?
Although the smart phone is one of the most amazing devices ever invented, it does have a dark side.
Walk into any restaurant and you’ll see people out to eat as a family, yet tuning out of the experience by looking down at their phones, texting friends or scrolling through social media feeds. What does this mean in terms of the relationships and interpersonal communications that “make the world go round”?
In this YouTube video from Global Report News, we learn that those who are so deeply attached to their phone that they can’t turn it off no matter where they are or what company they are keeping, are less likely to be happy than those who can resist a ring or turn their phones completely off.
A Kent State University Study of 500 students showed that those who were avid mobile phone users suffered from higher anxiety, and their class work was inferior to those who were able and willing to switch off. The phone heightened their anxiety, and many felt obligated to keep in constant touch. I would expect the results to be similar, if not even more profound, if the study were replicated in the workforce.
What if you were to give particular attention today to how often the people around you tune out the rest of the world by focusing on their “magic box”? Great observation spots for this activity would be at the conference table, walking to and from a parking lot, during meals at restaurants or in your home, the library – even in houses of worship. What do you notice?
EXERCISE:
If you could have a meal with any fascinating person in the world – current, or historical – whom would you choose? How likely would you be to answer your phone in the midst of this meal? How would you feel if they cut you off to take a chatty, informal call? How can you become so interested and engaged that you would never think of of answering or checking your phone, without good reason, in the presence of another person?
No subjects come up more often in my work as a coach as relationships and interpersonal communication. I always encourage my clients to be sincerely interested in others, listen fully, and of course, allow others to fully express their ideas and opinions.
When the focus on others and being a “giver” is not reciprocated, when we cross oceans for those who won’t even jump a puddle for us, a one-sided, often toxic relationship ensues, leaving us feeling empty, frustrated, and many times, resentful.
EXERCISE:
Examine your personal and professional life to see if any of your relationships are one-sided. If so, consider whether it is time to start or stop crossing oceans.
The discovery process I use to determine if a prospective client and I are a good fit includes 20 criteria. Each item in the survey provides insight into the likely success of our coaching relationship. Over the years, I have placed greater importance on the attributes related to optimism and a positive attitude.
Although individuals who exhibit high degrees of skepticism and judgmental tendencies can achieve favorable results in a coaching relationship, people working with these individuals can find the relationship extra challenging and draining.
EXERCISE:
Examine relationships in your professional and personal lives that you feel are draining. What adjustments could be made to change the relationships for the better? Please take a closer look at your own attitude and propensity for complaining, and consider if working on yourself might be a good place to start.
My father Marvin, my wife Wendy, my daughter Rachel, and me.
I was showered in kindness for ten days in February, when I went to Florida to visit my dad and my wife, who cares for him during the winter months. It helps me escape the bitter cold and have some company for Valentine’s Day, and my birthday on February 16th. I’m now 58 years young! Beyond the initial happiness of seeing my wife Wendy and dad Marvin, my daughter Rachel—who lives in Pennsylvania—surprised me at the airport and let me know that she wanted to help make my visit even more special.
Wendy further surprised me with a new summer wardrobe and a gift bag holding 4 passports. Bright and early the next morning we began a 10-day cruise to Aruba, Curacao, the Panama Canal, and Costa Rica.
Thanks to my wife, we enjoyed snorkeling adventures, private beaches, on-board cooking lessons, boat tours, and even an hour-long zip line adventure with my 88-year-old father and my daughter.
Of particular note throughout our adventure were the countless gestures of kindness shown to all of us from the extraordinary staff and crew of the Holland American ship The Zunderdam.
EXERCISE
In what ways and with whom can you shower the confetti of kindness over those you care about, today and every day?
-Carole King, Grammy Award-winning American singer/songwriter
Friends:
· Fight for you
· Respect you
· Include you
· Encourage you
· Need you
· Deserve you
· Stand by you
Someone once said that friends are the family we choose for ourselves. How large a family do you have based on the criteria above? How well do you demonstrate the same qualities?
EXERCISE:
In what ways and with whom can you be the kind of friend that people like Carole King writes and sings about? For a bit of extra credit, Google songs about friends to find a lot more to sing about.
Maya Angelou, who passed away in May 2014, was an American author, poet, dancer, and singer. Her first, and perhaps most noteworthy autobiographies, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, published in the late 1960s, tells of her life up to the age of 17, and brought her world-wide recognition.
I came to know of her through her appearances on the Oprah Winfrey show. Her courage, wit, and the vulnerability she shared in her stories inspired and mesmerized Oprah and her vast audience.
Maya Angelou’s life included roles such as civil rights activist, playwright, actress, professor, and film producer – all giving her a platform for sharing her messages with the world. Two highlights of her career were reciting her poem, On the Pulse of Morning at President Bill Clinton’s January 1993 inauguration, and receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2011.
EXERCISE:
Explore the possibility of writing your autobiography, and how fully you express the life you’ve lived so far.
Should you discover that to one degree or another, your voice and authentic self are muted, commit to shift that agony into an ecstasy of living life out loud from this point forward.
The political definition of appeasement is “a diplomatic policy of making various forms of concessions to an enemy power in order to avoid conflict.” A notable example was between Great Britain and Nazi Germany in the late 1930s.
A more general definition involves yielding or conceding to the demands of a nation, group or person in a conciliatory effort, sometimes at the expense of justice or other principles.
Today, I suggest that you examine where and at what potential benefit or cost do you see examples of appeasement in your professional or personal lives.
EXERCISE:
Determine where you are simply feeding the alligators in your world, hoping they will eat you last. In what situations would a courageous, principled stance be the way to go?
Consider these three definitions of the word “inspiration”:
Divine Intervention
An instance of breathing in
That which brings about creativity or perseverance
I suggest we blend the three together. My reasons will be more readily apparent through the following example:
Imagine you wake up one morning and you are not particularly inspired to go to your health club and work out. The exercise gods simply haven’t infused you with enough energy to leap out of bed and into your sneakers.
In spite of not “feeling it,” you garner the discipline to just do it, and minutes later you are on a bike, a treadmill, or an elliptical machine. You notice your breath growing faster and more pronounced, which increases your mental and physical state, and gives you the energy and momentum you need to gain all the good that comes from rigorous exercise.
EXERCISE:
How can you simply begin a project, motivated or not, and let the effort and engagement of the first few steps energize you so that you keep it up and finish more inspired than you ever imagined?
Two months into the new year and already I see a large number of people frustrated, slowed down, or completely stopped in the pursuit of their personal and/or professional goals.
One of the most common reasons for setbacks is the desire and attempt to do too much too quickly, which results in being overwhelmed, losing focus, and of course, a lack of the anticipated results.
It is appropriate, in such situations, to regroup and establish a new course of action with far fewer steps and far more finite and reasonable expectations.
EXERCISE:
Select one – and only one – important professional or personal project that is not going as you desire where you have tried to do too much too quickly.
Break this project into smaller, more digestible nuggets and spread them out over a longer time frame, to achieve the results you wanted the first time.
