Tag Archives: Barry Demp

What becomes fragile when we age

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“What becomes fragile when we age is not our bodies as much as our egos. The best time to take some daring steps is when we get older.”

– Helen Hayes, actress

Image of seniors rollerblading

Prospective clients often ask me: Who are your coaches? Who supports you in living your best life?

Over the years, a number of key people who have supported me. The best and most enduring has been my 86-year-old father, Marvin. For over 56 years, he has been a steadfast supporter.

This past year, following the passing of my mom, my dad and I, along with my wonderful wife Wendy, engaged in what was, for us, some adventures:

  • A ride in a hot air balloon.
  • A safari in Disney World’s Animal Kingdom.
  • A high-speed adventure on the Test Track ride at Disney World.
  • A trip to the top of Mount Washington, the highest peak on the East Coast, on the famous Cog Railroad.
  • A canoe ride down the Delaware River.

Exercise:

Regardless of your age, how can you find a bit more daring and adventure to spice up your life, and engage others you care about in the journey?

Feel free to reply to this message with some of your own efforts to step out of your aging ego.

“How far you go in life

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“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because some day in your life you will have been all of these.”

– George Washington Carver, scientist and inventor

three generation photo

My father, daughter, self, and wife Wendy

At my current age, I find myself often reflecting on my life and on those around me. I consider myself fortunate to be aware of myself and my world as I support others through coaching.

In the past few months, I’ve interacted with babies, seen young teens celebrate their B’nai Mitzvah, celebrated my son’s marriage, partnered with many middle-aged individuals in a variety of professional and personal challenges, and partnered with my wonderful wife in supporting my aging father.

Exercise:

What stage of life do you find yourself in, and how can you partner with those around you to appreciate and generously contribute to all the people you meet along the way?

“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

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“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

– Thomas Edison, inventor

How often have you noticed that many projects take quite a bit longer to complete than expected? Sometimes these efforts are thwarted by organizational complexity and misalignment and never see the light of day.

I fully support the use of appropriate systems and procedures when there is alignment among the group. This is often not the case, however, and issues remain unresolved due to the underlying disagreements.

Exercise:

Next time you are part of a committee, task force or project team that’s having difficulty getting something across the goal line, try using the following technique:

Step #1: Ask, “What do you think we should be doing differently, that would work better?”
Step #2: Try on the ideas of others to see if you can align with their suggestions.
Step #3: If for some reason you don’t align with their suggestions, make a counter-proposal and start again.

This iterative process will have the group challenge out-dated or dysfunctional rules – and hopefully get it back on the road to greater accomplishment.

Everything Begins Today

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“Today is when everything that’s going to happen from now on begins.”

– Harvey Firestone Jr., businessman

Image from Pinterest

Image from Pinterest

A considerable number of people who enter into a coaching relationship have a “governor” on their life and career engine that seems to be limiting them from moving forward at the speed they desire.

Their trips down memory lane regarding past accomplishments and setbacks often limit what they’re willing to do at this moment in time.

Exercise:

To minimize these journeys into the past, which may limit your orientation for forward movement, consider creating a number of Post-it notes with the following question. Place them throughout your personal and professional environments.

What is the most important thing I can do at this very moment?

Repeat this question often, to do what you can from where you are.

Thank you for being part of The Quotable Coach. Remember, you can hit “reply” on my emails at any time to let me know your thoughts and suggestions.

The price of Anything

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“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

– Henry David Thoreau, American author, philosopher and transcendentalist

QC #1011b

One of the first quotes I ever shared in The Quotable Coach series was “time is the coin of life” – how we spend our time and who we spend it with literally has a price.

Exercise:

Examine your life domains and ask yourself if each investment of your valuable life equity was worth it.

Consider making a few adjustments by doing more of some things, less of others, and starting a few new and interesting activities – and of course stopping those intolerable ones that you regret the most.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

—Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist and Holocaust survivor

Image from Unsplash by Maria Thalassinou

Very few days pass by without each of us experiencing at least a few upsets. It is very common for our desires to be unfulfilled or our expectations to be thwarted by outside events. One way to navigate these bumps in the road is to look inward at our attitudes, so we can maintain our footing and continue to move ahead.

Exercise:

What are a few upsetting or undesirable situations in your professional or personal life that you are unable to change at this time?

What do you need to do to rise to the challenge of changing yourself, in order to make the best of these difficult circumstances?

“Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.”

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“Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.”

– Saadi, medieval Persian poet

Photo by Tyler Milligan on Unsplash

A common characteristic of hard-driving “type A” people is impatience. Often, this quality leads to considerable success. It can, however, also often have a dark side.

I’m currently reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. There’s considerable evidence from her research that introverts often demonstrate greater patience and often greater mastery of tasks that require patience and persistence in practice.

Exercise:

In what areas of your personal and professional life would greater patience support greater success? Watch Cain’s “The Power of Introverts” TED talk or consider reading the book … if you have the patience.

The Wise Man Questions

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“The wise man questions himself; the fool, others.”

– Henri Arnold, cartoonist

question-mark

One of the greatest tools in a coach’s toolbox is the question. Answers to open-ended questions—those that begin with who, what, where, when, why and how—provide a level of depth and significance from well below the surface, often into new territories of awareness and insight.

I disagree with Henri Arnold’s statement that fools ask such questions of others: after all, I’d be calling all coaches fools! I do however believe that when coaches also ask these same questions of themselves, they often enhance their own development considerably. Arnold might say that a coach without their own internal or external coach is a fool.

Exercise:

Pay attention to the types of questions you and your colleagues, friends, and family members ask one another during the day. Which ones enhance your life journey, and propel you toward wisdom?

“Our job is the excuse through which we get to love people.”

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“Our job is the excuse through which we get to love people.”

– Panache Desai, author of You are Enough

What percent of your life do you spend engaged in work? For the sake of today’s quote, I’m going to define work as our vocation, or the way we earn a living.

For the person working Monday through Friday, a minimum of 8 hours a day (who does that these days?) work represents approximately one fourth of our life. If the song lyrics from the Beatles tune are true, and all you need is love, or the old song love makes the world go round, then perhaps Desai is really on to something.

Exercise:

How can you view your daily work efforts as an act of love, contribution and generosity, instead of something to get through on the way to your weekend?

Don’t stumble over something behind you

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“Don’t stumble over something behind you.”

– Seneca, Roman Stoic philosopher

Where do you live? I don’t mean your country,  city, or state. Ultimately, we all live in our thoughts, regardless of our physical location.

With this in mind, how often do your thoughts go to past events and experiences that were negative and upsetting? As humans, we have the ability to instantly travel back in time, to revisit and yes, stumble over these same events along with all their limiting feelings.

Exercise:

Imagine that you are born with a  factory-installed time machine with three settings: past, present and future. How can you, through greater self-awareness and intentionality, limit your negative journeys backwards to maximize your experiencing of the present?  Perhaps you could venture forward from time to time into the delightful possibilities of the future!