You Have to Squint

Posted on February 24, 2016 by Barry

“See the good all around you even if you have to squint.”

-Author Unknown

Image from lasikmd.com

If you are like me, your eyesight is not what it used to be. Perhaps you need glasses to drive at night, or to read. You may even need longer arms as you “trombone” food labels in order to read the ingredient list.

Having 20/20 vision has great benefits, but when we look at the world, including the folks in our lives that are taking this journey with us, it may not always serve us to have clear and complete objectivity. As an example, as we look at the weaknesses and faults in others, we know full well we have our own share.

EXERCISE:

Where would a bit of squinting help you overlook some of the unimportant things around you, and help you see a lot more good available in your world?

Love the Giver

Posted on February 11, 2016 by Barry

“Love the giver more than the gift.”

-Brigham Young, founder of the Latter Day Saints

Years ago, I read The Five Love Languages to enhance my relationship with my wife Wendy. I still recommend this book to coaching clients who wish a better understanding of their partners. The gist is that there are different ways to show love. We almost always choose to show love in the way we like to receive it.

By tuning into the offerings of others, we can embrace their gifts in the way they are intended, instead of missing the message because we are not speaking the same love language.

EXERCISE:

How could you fully love the givers in your life by embracing every gift they have to offer, in the love language that fits them?

Relationship over Ego

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Barry

“Apologizing doesn’t always mean you’re wrong, and the other person is right. It means you value your relationship more than your ego.”

-Author Unknown

Image from www.bizjournals.com

I distinctly remember my first argument with my wife Wendy, during our first year of marriage. Our dispute centered on how to wash dishes. The bottom line for me, at the time, was that she was clearly doing it wrong. I had evidence to make my case to anyone who took a logical approach to things.

To make a long story short, I slept (or should I say didn’t sleep?) on the couch that night.

In the morning, Wendy shared a nugget of wisdom that I still remember and use today:

“Are you more committed to being right, or being related?”

EXERCISE:

Where and in what ways are you making those you care about wrong? Where would an apology demonstrate that you value your relationship more than your ego?

How We Rise

Posted on February 3, 2016 by Barry

“We rise by lifting others.”

—Robert Ingersoll, 19th Century American Orator

Image from joinabrightfuture.com

As part of my Personal Excellence Training program, each of my clients works on the key skill of increasing their relationship mastery. Without question, progress in this area has enormous benefits, producing qualitative and quantifiable results.

Some of the communication tools are:

Taking a sincere and full interest in what others think and believe
Listening with your full attention and honoring the value others have to offer
Limiting our desire to speak and respond too quickly so that the other person can fully express themselves
Being open and receptive to the views and contributions of others

EXERCISE:

How can you use the techniques listed here, and those you know well, to lift other people up in your personal and professional worlds? What benefit would you gain in doing so?

Make a New Decision

Posted on December 28, 2015 by Barry

“Help someone make a new decision, based on new alternatives, and a new story.”

-Seth Godin, American author & entrepreneur

Image from sethgodin.com

One of the few bloggers I read each day without fail is Seth Godin. He has been consistently blogging for over two decades, and has one of the highest readerships worldwide. Beyond his amazing dependability are his thought-provoking and brilliant perspectives on many ordinary things about life, success, and making a difference. Take a bit of coaching and check out his work at http://sethgodin.typepad.com/.

Today’s quote is perfect for this time of year, as we all resolve to be a better version of ourselves. Godin suggests that when we take on the role of coach, mentor, or advisor to others, we help them make new, powerful value-based decisions that come from the story they wish to tell next year at this time.

One wonderful by-product of playing this role for others is that it is almost impossible to not reap extraordinary benefits in your own life. Givers Gain.

EXERCISE:

Select at least one person from your personal and professional worlds to coach, mentor, or advice regarding their decision and the new stories they wish to tell next year.

If Criticism is Needed

Posted on December 16, 2015 by Barry

“If criticism is needed, do it tactfully. Don’t use a sledgehammer when a fly swatter will do the job.”

-Ann Landers, Advice Columnist

image from www.blogging4jobs.com

Providing constructive feedback is the cornerstone of a healthy and productive coaching relationship. Criticism, or the more common term, “constructive criticism” can often have less than desirable and even destructive consequences.

A critical determinant to providing effective and optimal feedback is a trusting relationship in which both parties are focused and committed to the same objective.

EXERCISE:

How would a more tactful coaching approach be used in your world, to provide the valuable feedback you desire in supporting those around you toward enhanced performance and productivity?

Be There for Others

Posted on December 15, 2015 by Barry

“Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind.”

-Dodinsky, New York Times bestselling author

QC #925

Some of the most frequent coaching assignments I engage in are focused on leadership development. The volume of resources on this subject is staggering, which points to the universal desire and need for this very important skill.

Much has been written in recent years about servant leadership, in which a high priority is placed on serving key stakeholders such as customers and of course, employees. Sometimes so much attention is placed on others that the leader can overlook or completely miss their own needs. Yet, they must attend to themselves if they are to serve others at the highest level.

EXERCISE:

In what way do you need to satisfy your own needs so that you can serve others in your personal and professionals lives?

Everyone you meet

Posted on December 11, 2015 by Barry

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”

-Wendy Mass, Author

Image from flickr by Jennifer

One of the great honors of being a coach is the fact that people open up far more completely than in your typical daily discussions. It is not uncommon for clients to share some of their most difficult and challenging issues, because they realize a greater likelihood of progress is possible when they acknowledge their difficulties.

My experience of over 20 years and well over 1,000 clients points to the fact that virtually everyone has battles and burdens.

EXERCISE:

How would bringing greater kindness and compassion to your interactions today bring greater strength and capacities to those around you, who are fighting battles of which you are not aware?

Be a Zapper

Posted on December 10, 2015 by Barry

“Be a Zapper, not a Sapper!”

—William Byham, Ph.D.

QC #922

Over my many years of coaching, I’ve found that the more simple an idea or behavior is, the more likely it is to be understood, applied, and habituated. When it comes to relationship development and creating empowering successful organizational cultures, today’s quote packs a ton of value in only six words.

The act of Zapping involves interaction with others in an energizing and positive manner. Examples are:

Being genuinely interested in others
Listening carefully and completely to what others are saying
Being open and receptive to the point of view of others
Looking for value in what others say and do
Saying Please and Thank You
Acknowledging the contribution of others

The act of Sapping involves the opposite behavior, in which others experience draining and energy-reducing interactions. Examples are:

Being judgmental and critical of others’ ideas and behaviors
Not listening to others, or ignoring them
Taking credit for others ideas or achievements
Interrupting, or not allowing others to express their views
Gossiping
Betrayal of confidences
Lying or being unethical

EXERCISE:

Create a Zapping/Sapping log book in which you can capture these daily energy boosters or drainers.

Request feedback from those around you. Work to increase your Zapping, and reduce your Sapping.

Consider picking up a copy of Zapp! The Lightning of Empowerment by William Byham, and consider sharing this resource with others in your communities.

Raise Your Words

Posted on December 4, 2015 by Barry

“Raise your words not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers not thunder.”

-Rumi, 13th-century Persian poet, theologian, and Sufi mystic

Image from www.stuckindc.com

A fundamental conversation I have with each new coaching client involves the qualities and characteristics of effective leaders.

The characteristics describing effective leaders include: visionary, passionate, inspiring, empowering, service-oriented, having integrity, and being approachable. The words these leaders use to speak about their views of a better future are like the rain to a flower. They help people and organizations grow.

Alternatively, we have all seen the “Thundering Taskmaster” types who repress and suppress those around them and often create environments of fear, intimidation, and retribution.

EXERCISE:

What can you do to be the kind of leader that attracts followers by raising your words rather than your voice?