Tag Archives: Barry Demp Coaching

Don’t Let the worst people get the best of you

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“Don’t Let the worst people get the best of you.”

—Doe Zantamata, Writer, photographer and graphic designer

Image from Unsplash by Adrian Swancar

Today’s quote seems straightforward, but how do we actually do it?

How can we untangle and release ourselves from the people who push our buttons and enrage us by what they do and say?

As is the case with various toxic substances in our environment, avoidance and keeping our distance is a solid strategy.

But what if these folks simply can’t always be avoided as in the case of family members, neighbors, and work colleagues who seem to have the keys to our locked doors?

What strategies work best when you find yourself triggered and upset?

EXERCISE:

Please check out any of the three books below for many useful approached to deal with the more challenging people in your world. These books are even more useful to help good relationships be great ones:

Fierce Conversations, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations.

You can also send an email to barry@dempcoaching.com and I will be happy to send you a copy of my Masterful Relationship workbook in a PDF file.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot

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“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

—Dr. Seuss, in The Lorax

Image from Unsplash by Picsea

Among the skills introduced to our children during their early years, reading, writing, and ‘rithmatic as we called it, took top billing. The nightly bedtime story is still an integral part of many family rituals, including my grandchildren.

There probably isn’t a family that doesn’t have at least a few choice Dr. Seuss books that haven’t seen some considerable wear over the years.

Beyond the funny characters and rhyming words, there was almost always a life lesson in those pages to inspire and guide our little ones to be good people and do their part to help and serve others.

EXERCISE:

Please download and read The Carbon Almanac for Kids to help our future generations become knowledgeable and contributory stewards of our beautiful world. It’s free!

You are bigger than your urges

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You are bigger than your urges.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by regularly.eth

How true is today’s statement for you? How often do you seek pleasure and avoid discomfort?

What’s in it for us since delayed gratification is challenging and procrastination seems to pay off immediately?

When we give in to our urges there always seems to be a payoff.

These payoffs perpetuate the cycle of giving in to future urges. Unfortunately, there is often a hidden cost we don’t see until it’s late in the game and coming back is even more difficult.

EXERCISE:

Reflect on the urges you experience throughout a typical day.

Examine both the costs and payoffs associated when you give into these feelings.

How would reevaluating the cost/payoff ratio help you become bigger than many of these urges in the future?

Action makes more fortune than caution

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“Action makes more fortune than caution.”

—Luc DeClapiers, 18th Century French Essayist

Image from Amazon

The past few years have been times of considerable change for most of us.

With time to reflect and explore changes in myself and others, I’ve recognized today’s quote as being spot on.

Wendy and I recently moved to a senior community outside of Philadelphia. Since then, I’ve noticed a number of trends among the residents.

The people who remain active are far younger at heart and generally have richer lives that include better health and vitality. Those folks that are less active, venture out less often, and have fewer social interactions seem to experience the opposite.

EXERCISE:

Consider reading The Power of Full Engagement by James E. Loehr and Tony Schwartz to see how being in action can support you in leading a more energetic and richer life.

Fight for the things that you care about

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“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”

—Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Late Associate Justice of the Supreme Court

Image from Unsplash by Galen Crout

What causes do you care about the most? How do they line up and align with your core values and beliefs? To what degree do people in your various communities know what causes you support?

Early in my professional career one of my more senior colleagues introduced me to a quick and easy-to-remember lesson on leadership.

His nugget of wisdom was to always speak about what you stand for versus what you oppose. Being positive and less oppositional is clearly a better approach to finding areas of alignment and agreement.

EXERCISE:

What are some of your best ways to have people join you in the causes you care about the most?

How can you more successfully take a stand without stepping on too many toes?

Begin your day with slow calming activities

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Begin your day with slow, calming activities. Like a car on a cold morning, you need some time to warm your engine before you put your day into drive.

Image from Unsplash by Cody Black

In athletics we all know that we should stretch and warm up our muscles before the game begins to improve performance and avoid injury.

How much time do you give yourself to warm up your engine before you hit the gas pedal of your days?

Few of us take enough time to fully prepare ourselves for the day ahead. After a few slams of the snooze button and  a little personal hygiene, many people leap into action with only something caffeinated “for the road.”

EXERCISE:

With the cooler months ahead, how can you make it a point to start your day with a few more calming activities to warm you up for the daily trip ahead?

Discover the home in your head

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Discover the home in your head. Make it a place of love, comfort, wisdom, peace and beauty.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Julian Hochgesang

Home Sweet Home is perhaps the most common phrase on door mats across America. It’s a hopeful saying we wish were true at all times but unfortunately, we often come up short of its aspirational message.

Physical clutter, challenging relationships, and even our inner demons sometime leave a bitter taste we prefer not to swallow.

Although external factors are not always in our control, much work can be done to clean up the home in our head.

Instead of getting out the vacuum, dust pans, and rags, how would greater love, wisdom, and a peaceful heart help you experience the comfort, beauty, and sweetness you desire?

EXERCISE:

What actions can and will you take today to bring more of these wonderful qualities into your life?

Friday Review: Value

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Friday Review: Value

What do you value most in your life? How do you determine value? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

 

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”

 

 

 

“We are drowning in information and starving for knowledge.”

 

 

 

“Look not at the vessel, but at what it contains.”

 

 

 

We’re better off when we’re all better off

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“We’re better off when we’re all better off.”

—Eric Liu, American writer and founder of Citizen University

Image from Unsplash by Brett Jordan

I read a wide variety of blogs on a daily basis. Their wisdom and perspectives offer many ideas to add my two cents from time to time. Today’s quote was recently shared by Stephen Amant, who writes the Savenwood blog, which I encourage you to explore and consider becoming a subscriber.

Liu’s quote about bettering the lives of others as well as ourselves satisfies my spirit.

It helps me see that by leaning in to serve and support others in my communities I, too, will rise.

The idea of bettering myself while leaving others to do the same leaves me feeling empty.

EXERCISE:

Where and how can you raise up others in your communities so that we are all better off?