Tag Archives: Barry Demp Coaching

“Look beyond yourself, see a need and meet it.”

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“Look beyond yourself, see a need and meet it.”

—Joshua Becker, author of Becoming Minimalist

Image from Amazon

There seems to be a continuum between selfish and selfless tendencies for most of us. On one hand, sustainable happiness and life satisfaction are rarely seen by focusing solely on ourselves. On the other, the complete focus only on the needs of others  — although noble — has been demonstrated to also have a down side, including burnout and health challenges.

Where do you see yourself between these two poles?

How do you meet your own needs to have the capacity to serve and support others in your communities?

EXERCISE:

Where and when is it appropriate to be SELF-ISH to meet your own needs, or to be OTHER-ISH to meet the needs of others?  How would doing so meet your own need for purpose and a more meaningful life?  Consider checking out Joshua Becker’s new book, Things That Matter, for additional ideas on this subject.

Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires

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“Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. Trust isn’t a grand gesture — it’s a growing marble collection.”

—Brene Brown, American research professor, lecturer, and author

Image from Unsplash by Acton Crawford

The development of trusting relationships is considered by most people a highly worthy pursuit. Considering how it might be metaphorically related to a marble collection intrigued me.

As a boy, I never collected marbles although I played with them from time to time. For me, it was bottle caps and baseball cards. Examining my efforts, to shoot, flip, and throw these objects with increased mastery, I can recall the various friendships surrounding these times. The connections with the kids in the neighborhood had a richness that went well beyond us simply growing our collections.

EXERCISE:

What are some of the ways you develop and grow your own treasured collection of trusting relationships?  Consider reviewing my trust-o-meter assessment for additional ideas to grow in this area.

“If you have a pulse, you have a purpose.”

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“If you have a pulse, you have a purpose.”

—Richard Leider, Faculty member of the Modern Elder Academy

Image from Unsplash by Mockup Graphics

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Am I doing what I love to do?
  • Is what I do helpful to others?
  • Does it energize me or drain me?

Consider modifying these closed questions to open ended questions such as….

  • How often do I get to do what I love?
  • How are my efforts helpful to others?
  • How energized and alive do I feel when engaged in these activities?

EXERCISE:

What are some ways you can and will increase your heart rate to live an even more inspired and purposeful life?

Where there is awareness there is growth

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Where there is awareness there is growth.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by olieman.eth

Today’s quote got me thinking about the definition of insanity which suggests that it is fruitless to expect different results when we do the same thing over and over.

I prefer to embrace the idea of “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge,” penned by Tuli Kupferberg.

Given the perspectives above, awareness seems to be a key to opening the doors to growth and new possibilities. Mindlessly trying the same keys that didn’t open the door initially seems to only keep us locked out of our fullest potential.

EXERCISE:

Where are you currently stalled or stopped in your efforts to grow?

How can you deepen or broaden your mindfulness efforts to unlock new doors and discover more of what’s inside?

Who can and will you ask for help you in your efforts?

Friday Review: Mistakes

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Friday Review: MISTAKES

How do you view the mistakes you have made? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

“We should learn from the mistakes of others. We don’t have time to make them all ourselves.”
 

 

 

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.”
 

 

 

“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.”

 

 

 

When it comes to our children, so often our lessons are caught more than taught

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“When it comes to our children, so often our lessons are caught more than taught.”

—Joshua Becker, American author, writer, and philanthropist

Image from Unsplash by Leo Rivas

How do you respond when given unwanted advice? During your childhood, how often do you recall being told what to do and how to behave? Look to your parents, teachers, and other adults at the time regarding how they tried to mold you.

For many of us, the do’s and don’ts of navigating our world were taught by these well intended individuals. After all, these were likely the methods used on them in their youth. To what degree do such approaches work to create the independent, free-thinking, well-adjusted children we all wish to launch into the world?

Children today are exposed to a barrage of messages from countless sources. Who are the role models setting the example you want them to catch to guide and support their journey?

EXERCISE:

How can you support and create an environment for your children and grandchildren in which more of life’s most important lessons are caught?

I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch fire

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“I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch fire.”

—Eric Barker, author of WSJ bestseller Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Image from Unsplash by Pawel Czerwinski

What clues do you use to tell if someone is lying to you? Words alone do not tell the whole story, and many experts suggest we examine the 93% of communication that is nonverbal.

Some things to look for:

The hands can be a good place to start. People who lie are more likely to use both of their hand to make gestures.  They also tend to face their palms away from the person they are lying to, an unconscious move that indicates they are purposefully withholding information. They may even put their hands up to their mouths briefly, a sign there is something they don’t want to reveal.

The mouth is another area to examine. Pursing or tensing the lips is a reflex often seen that indicates that a person may be lying by omission and does not want to say more about a topic.

The eyes can also offer a window into someone who is lying. Not looking someone in the eyes or even a stare down hyper focus can offer clues. Rapid blinking is another tell to consider.

EXERCISE:

Consider checking out Eric Barker’s new book Plays Well with Others to discover his “Cognitive Load” technique to lie detection along with many other witty and scientifically backed ideas to enhance our capacities to work and relate better with others.

A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others

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“A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others.”

—Kevin Kelly, founding executive editor of Wired magazine

Image from Unsplash by Mia Anderson

The other day I found myself in a foul mood. Everyone and everything seemed to get on my nerves. My meditation session felt pointless, my daily walk was interrupted by neighbors wanting to chat and all I could sense was judgmental thinking and feelings of irritation.

Thankfully, I was stopped by a very cute dog named Keenan who was, fortunately, placed in my path to turn things around. His joyful enthusiasm and playful nature had me look within to see the bummer of a person I was putting out into the world.

EXERCISE:

How are the irritating aspects of others trying to tell you something about yourself? With this thinking in mind, how can you be a puppy of a person and make everyone’s day a bit brighter?

Upgrade your morning routine to get an even better start to your day

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Upgrade your morning routine to get an even better start to your day. What small or significant adjustments will you make?

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Khadeeja Yasser

What do you include in your morning routine? How often do you need an alarm to wake you? How often do you push the snooze button for a few extra minutes?

What time do your go to bed? What bedtime rituals occur before your head hits the pillow?

When was the last time you experienced jet lag?

When have your circadian rhythms been knocked out of whack by changing time zones, daylight savings time, or even staying up extra late to watch a movie or go out on the town? When we do, there almost always seems to be a cost we pay the next day in our ability to focus and be productive.

EXERCISE:

Consider reexamining your bedtime and morning routines. What tweaks or tectonic adjustments can and will you make to get a better start on your days?

Friday Review: Energy

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Friday Review: Energy

What energizes you? How energetic do you feel most days? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

“Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.”

 

 

 

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.”

 

 

 

“The best cure for a sluggish mind is to disturb its routine.”