Tag Archives: Relationships

“Surround yourself with people who…”

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“Surround yourself with people who make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.”

—Author Unknown

Photo from lovetoknow.com

Photo from lovetoknow.com

Over the years I have repeatedly heard that each of us is a close reflection of the five people with whom we spend the most time.

If this is true—or at least somewhat accurate—examine your five most prominent personal and professional relationships to see how they make you hunger for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.

One way to progress in this area is to give the same support back to those five people, simply because you can. By making such an investment in others, I hope you will discover the wondrous gift of reciprocity that will leave you with even more than when you began.

EXERCISE:

Share this quote with at least one person in your personal and/or professional life. Please share with them your sincere desire to contribute to their life. Be prepared to let them know how to best support you when they ask.

The greatest challenge you face

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“The greatest challenge you face will probably not be the technical side of your job (your expertise), but rather interacting with other people.”

—Shirley Tayor, American author and Speaker

Photo from bolderlogic.com

Photo from bolderlogic.com

Over the years I have had the opportunity to work with a wide variety of clients. Here in southeast Michigan a sizable percentage of our economy is somewhat dependent on the automotive industry.

A fairly common assignment is to support the growth and development of up-and-coming leaders and managers. These assignments almost always include a focus on the softer skill of interpersonal communication, so important to producing greater results within and outside the organization.

It is for this reason than many experts in the fields of talent management, organizational development, and executive coaching insist that EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is at least as important as IQ and technical expertise.

EXERCISE:

Assess yourself and those you work with regarding the technical and soft skills necessary to work optimally. Consider training and/or coaching to support yourself and others to maximize these important attributes.

“There comes a time when you have to stop..”

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“There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump puddles for you.”

—Author Unknown

Photo from Flickr by Paul Jerry

Photo from Flickr by Paul Jerry

No subjects come up more often in my work as a coach as relationships and interpersonal communication. I always encourage my clients to be sincerely interested in others, listen fully, and of course, allow others to fully express their ideas and opinions.

When the focus on others and being a “giver” is not reciprocated, when we cross oceans for those who won’t even jump a puddle for us, a one-sided, often toxic relationship ensues, leaving us feeling empty, frustrated, and many times, resentful.

EXERCISE:

Examine your personal and professional life to see if any of your relationships are one-sided. If so, consider whether it is time to start or stop crossing oceans.

“Patience is the Companion of Wisdom.”

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“Patience is the Companion of Wisdom.”

—St. Augustine, early Christian Theologian

Photo from Flickr by Thomas Mues

Photo from Flickr by Thomas Mues

When was the last time you watched a great leader give an inspiring speech? If you are like me, you occasionally enjoy a provocative TED Talk. The TED tagline is “Ideas Worth Spreading.”

Over the years, I’ve seen that the best leaders and presenters talk a bit more slowly than most. They measure their words carefully, to achieve the impact they desire. As I listen to them, I find myself slowing down, and leaning in to hear every morsel of wisdom they present.

EXERCISE:

Where would greater patience, and slowing down your busy life help you contribute and capture the wisdom of the moment?

“Eating an artichoke is like…”

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“Eating an artichoke is like getting to know someone really well.”

—Willi Hastings (attributed)

Photo from Flickr by sterotyp_0815

Photo from Flickr by sterotyp_0815

I have never prepared or eaten an entire artichoke, only the hearts from a can or those marinated in a jar.

Hasting’s statement peaked my curiosity and I wondered, “How difficult could this be?” If you are like me, you simply go to your favorite search engine and query the universe.

I learned that there is an eleven-step process to preparing and eating an artichoke. If the process is not followed closely, you could experience considerable digestive challenges, and problems with your garbage disposal as well.

How is eating an artichoke like getting to know someone really well?  If you truly wish to get to the heart of another and develop a close, quality relationship, it takes time, patience, care, and attention to detail.

EXERCISE:

Examine the relationships you hope to make or take to a new level, professionally or personally. How would a patient and somewhat methodical approach yield the lasting, substantial relationships you desire?

“Are you working to connect the dots or…”

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“Are you working to connect the dots or merely collecting more dots?”

—Seth Godin, Author

What is your favorite form of social media? If you go in order of popularity, the usage looks something like this:

  • Facebook has about 1.23 billion users
  • LinkedIn has about 332 million users
  • Twitter has about 284 million users

Please don’t respond saying my numbers are wrong, as they aren’t relevant to the point of this post.

Do you know how many friends, connections, or followers you have on each of your social sites?

Without question, the internet and social media have brought about amazing changes, making our world more connected and noisy to the point, for some, of addictive engagement.

Godin’s question asks if we are collecting friends or followers like dots, or are we truly looking to genuinely connect and contribute to other people’s lives.

EXERCISE:

Examine your skills, abilities, gifts, and talents that contribute to those on the other side of the  monitor or mobile device. Consider that if you create something truly remarkable, you will likely have your very best friends and followers connecting the dots with you.

“You don’t live in a world all alone. Your brothers are here too.”

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“You don’t live in a world all alone. Your brothers are here too.”

– Albert Schweitzer, German theologian and philosopher

Barry-Marvin-Rachel

(Me, my dad Marvin, and my daughter Rachel.)

My family and I recently had a vacation in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. This year, some additional friends came along to make it extra special. Of particular note were some of the many things we accomplished together to truly make our time a community affair.

In additional to numerous routine tasks, such as the preparation of meals and some cleaning and organizing projects, we supported my father Marvin (who is 88 today) on a three hour, six mile canoe ride down the Delaware river, and even took him to Camelbeach Waterpark where he experienced the adventure of some pretty thrilling water slides.

Exercise:

Where are you acting alone in the world and thus not achieving your fullest potential?

Where would supporting or working with others have you achieve even more remarkable things in your professional or personal life?

the highest advantage

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“You can rest assured that if you devote your time and attention to the highest advantage of others, the universe will support you.”

– R. Buckminster Fuller, architect and inventor

About a year ago, I picked up a copy of Dan Sullivan’s book The Laws of Lifetime Growth. Law #3 states that we should always make our contribution bigger than our reward.

Both Fuller and Sullivan suggest that a focus on creating new kinds of value for others expands our relationship with the outside world and somehow magically attracts new rewards and opportunities to us in return.

Exercise:

Imagine that giving to others and supporting their highest advantage is like making consistent daily bank deposits, and that these investments always have a high rate of return through the magic of compound interest.

“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

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“There ain’t no rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!”

– Thomas Edison, inventor

How often have you noticed that many projects take quite a bit longer to complete than expected? Sometimes these efforts are thwarted by organizational complexity and misalignment and never see the light of day.

I fully support the use of appropriate systems and procedures when there is alignment among the group. This is often not the case, however, and issues remain unresolved due to the underlying disagreements.

Exercise:

Next time you are part of a committee, task force or project team that’s having difficulty getting something across the goal line, try using the following technique:

Step #1: Ask, “What do you think we should be doing differently, that would work better?”
Step #2: Try on the ideas of others to see if you can align with their suggestions.
Step #3: If for some reason you don’t align with their suggestions, make a counter-proposal and start again.

This iterative process will have the group challenge out-dated or dysfunctional rules – and hopefully get it back on the road to greater accomplishment.

#105: “Make happy those who are near and those who are far will come.”

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– Chinese proverb

Many years ago, I read a little book entitled Fish that presented a simple set of concepts to improve every work environment. The concept I remember most is “make their day.”

I get great pleasure looking for opportunities to add just a little bit more sunshine, one more smile, or an additional laugh to someone’s day. (Pretty corny, huh?)

The people in this world who focus on others tend to attract more people and more opportunities into their lives. We speak about their personalities with terms like “charisma” and “magnetic.”

Exercise:

What efforts do you take daily to support the happiness of others?

Who are the people in your life that bring you the greatest happiness?

What else can you do today and in the future to “make their day” and, in turn, attract more good things into your life?

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