The glass ceiling doesn’t apply when you’re building your own house

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“The glass ceiling doesn’t apply when you’re building your own house.”

—Heidi Roizen, American Venture Capitalist and Entrepreneur

Image from Unsplash by Kyle Brinker

Did you know that if you place a bunch of fleas in a jar with a glass lid they will eventually stop trying to jump out even if you remove the lid?

Glass ceilings — and ceilings in general — seem to be a fact of life where the world and even we, ourselves, place limits on how high and how far we can soar.

What do some of these limitations sound like when you hear them from family members, friends, colleagues and even your own inner voice?

In recent years, people have pursued their own personal and professional paths, cleared of many of these ceilings, letting new horizons and sunnier futures of their own creation occur.

EXERCISE:

Where in your worlds are you limited by glass ceilings?

How can you courageously break through these barriers to have a custom-made house, built just for you?

“If you don’t understand what makes people tick, they won’t tick.”

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“If you don’t understand what makes people tick, they won’t tick.”

—Robert Swan — British explorer & the first person to walk to both Poles

Image from Unsplash by Anne Nygård

Ever since I can remember I’ve been fascinated by how things work. I distinctly recall, as a child, taking apart a Baby Ben alarm clock to see what was inside that made it tick.

These days, I’m far more interested in what makes the people around me tick, to better discover how to improve my relationships, understand their motivations, and to help bring out their best through my coaching efforts.

Although there are multitudes of tools and assessments to help in this process, I’ve found the simple but often not easy work of collaborative conversations — where seeking to understand and be sincerely interested — works best.

EXERCISE:

How masterful are you in the art of dialogue and conversation?  Where and with whom would greater skill and practice help you understand what make these people tick even better?

Make a plan to create and savor more downtime. Discover and experience where less is often more.

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Make a plan to create and savor more downtime. Discover and experience where less is often more.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Kelly Sikkema

What will you contemplate or savor during your next downtime?

Learn to press the pause buttons of life, to cherish and savor these quiet moments — reflect and contemplate your life.

Examine the richness and abundance all around you, and develop an attitude of profound gratitude for the wondrous miracles that surround us.

When we unplug and pause, new things begin.

EXERCISE:

What will you do to carve out more downtime in the days ahead?

How can you more fully experience pauses in your days to savor the richness and beauty of these special moments?

 

Friday Review: Intention

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FRIDAY REVIEW: INTENTION

What intentions have you set for your day, your week, or your life? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

 

“Sit. Or stand. But never wobble.”

 

 

“Intent reveals desire. Action reveals commitment.”

 

 

 

“Setting your intentions is like drawing an arrow from the quiver of your heart.”

 

 

 

“A party without cake is just a meeting.”

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“A party without cake is just a meeting.”

—Julia Child, 20th Century American cooking teacher, author, and TV personality

Image from Unsplash by Caitlyn de Wild

How many meetings do you attend each day? How many of them are in person or over some form of technology?

How would you rate your experience of these events in terms of both productivity and enjoyment?

If you are like many of us the title of Patrick Lencioni’s classic book, Death by Meeting may sum up a good majority of your feelings.

Today more than ever companies are looking to attract, retain, and excite their team members, and the old ways of doing things by just offering competitive compensation and reasonable benefits won’t cut it in the long run.

EXERCISE:

How can and will you pursue a work environment with more of a celebratory and engaging culture?

Please don’t forget the cake!

“Behind every criticism is a veiled wish.”

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“Behind every criticism is a veiled wish.”

—Esther Perel, Belgian psychotherapist

Image from Unsplash by ahi ismail

How do you feel when you are criticized?

How often is your immediate response to defend yourself or perhaps go on the offense and attack others?

Explore a few recent interactions in which you were criticized for something you did or didn’t do.

Dig deeper into the thoughts and emotions of that person to see if there was a hidden desire or veiled wish below their barbed message. What did they secretly want that was not communicated in an acceptable way?

How might you shift your perspective and translate the harshness of their words into simple requests that would have a higher probability of acceptance?

EXERCISE:

A few books that can help your relationship skills are Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations.

Please send an email to barry@dempcoaching.com or reply to this post with your email address and I will be pleased to send you a copy of my one page Communication Toolbox.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness.  Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.

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“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”

—August Wilson, 20th Century American Playwright

Image from Unsplash by Benjamin Davies

Consider the following statement on a one-to-five scale in which one is absolutely not and five is definitely yes.

I have a clear view of where I am and where I am going in my life.

This statement is part of my discovery process to help determine a potential client’s readiness to move their lives forward with a supportive coaching relationship.

For optimal success, these relationships benefit significantly through the deep and thoughtful process of examining and wrestling with their limiting beliefs and habits. Through careful illumination and generous self-forgiveness, each individual will most likely realize far more of their fullest personal and professional potential.

EXERCISE:

What steps can and will you take to more fully examine your own demons to help your angels sing? Consider picking up a copy of the book Taming your Gremlins by Rick Carson as a way to open this door of deeper discovery.

To explore your own readiness for coaching, please consider filling out my free Coaching Readiness Assessment.

Go deeper and immerse yourself in the familiar to see what lies in the deep fields of being alive.

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Go deeper and immerse yourself in the familiar to see what lies in the deep fields of being alive.

—Calm App Reflection

Image from Unsplash by Logan Weaver

Slow down and really take in the world around you. Bring all of your senses to high alert to notice everything anew.

Pretend that you have superpowers of immersion to experience new dimensions of being alive. Imagine having telescopic and microscopic vision as well as supersonic hearing, super tasting and super smelling capabilities, like certain animals that share our world.

How wonderful these new capabilities would be if we would only slow down and look deeper into the familiar.

EXERCISE:

Where are you currently racing through your life?

Where would slowing down and exploring your world from a more immersive perspective reveal new insights and wonders to enjoy?

Friday Review: Honesty

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FRIDAY REVIEW: HONESTY

Where and when is honesty most important to you? Here are a few related posts you may have missed.

 

“I keep six honest serving men: (They taught me all I knew) Their names were Where and What and When and Why and How and Who.”

 

 

 

“Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching.”

 

 

 

“Tell a lie once and all your truths become questionable.”

 

 

 

 

“Reading is my inhale and writing is my exhale.”

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“Reading is my inhale and writing is my exhale.”

—Glennon Doyle — American author and activist

Image from Unsplash by Brett Jordan

How long can you hold your breath? Give it a try to see when you simply must exhale and take another. We can live numerous days without food and even water, but without our breath it’s lights out in minutes.

For me, the act of breathing has taken on greater significance over the past few years. I’ve developed the habit of daily meditation, in which the breath is my home base for greater mindfulness and self-awareness.

As a coach and person who has always valued personal development, reading the work of others has always been a priority and something I enjoy.

Writing, on the other hand, was a more recent addition around 10 years ago when I hired my own writing coach and began the Quotable Coach blog. Now with about 2500 posts under my belt, I’ve found my inhale of reading and exhale of writing have created a cycle of giving and receiving which feels essential to my life.

EXERCISE:

Where and how would taking some deep breaths in (reading) and full breaths out  (writing) energize you and add more vitality and aliveness to your days?