people who make me forget to look at my phone

Posted on March 11, 2015 by Barry

“I like to hang out with people who make me forget to look at my phone.”

—Author Unknown

Although the smart phone is one of the most amazing devices ever invented, it does have a dark side.

Walk into any restaurant and you’ll see people out to eat as a family, yet tuning out of the experience by looking down at their phones, texting friends or scrolling through social media feeds. What does this mean in terms of the relationships and interpersonal communications that “make the world go round”?

In this YouTube video from Global Report News, we learn that those who are so deeply attached to their phone that they can’t turn it off no matter where they are or what company they are keeping, are less likely to be happy than those who can resist a ring or turn their phones completely off.

A Kent State University Study of 500 students showed that those who were avid mobile phone users suffered from higher anxiety, and their class work was inferior to those who were able and willing to switch off. The phone heightened their anxiety, and many felt obligated to keep in constant touch. I would expect the results to be similar, if not even more profound, if the study were replicated in the workforce.

What if you were to give particular attention today to how often the people around you tune out the rest of the world by focusing on their “magic box”? Great observation spots for this activity would be at the conference table, walking to and from a parking lot, during meals at restaurants or in your home, the library – even in houses of worship. What do you notice?

EXERCISE:

If you could have a meal with any fascinating person in the world – current, or historical – whom would you choose? How likely would you be to answer your phone in the midst of this meal? How would you feel if they cut you off to take a chatty, informal call? How can you become so interested and engaged that you would never think of of answering or checking your phone, without good reason, in the presence of another person?

“There comes a time when you have to stop..”

Posted on March 10, 2015 by Barry

“There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump puddles for you.”

—Author Unknown

Photo from Flickr by Paul Jerry

No subjects come up more often in my work as a coach as relationships and interpersonal communication. I always encourage my clients to be sincerely interested in others, listen fully, and of course, allow others to fully express their ideas and opinions.

When the focus on others and being a “giver” is not reciprocated, when we cross oceans for those who won’t even jump a puddle for us, a one-sided, often toxic relationship ensues, leaving us feeling empty, frustrated, and many times, resentful.

EXERCISE:

Examine your personal and professional life to see if any of your relationships are one-sided. If so, consider whether it is time to start or stop crossing oceans.

“Throw Kindness Around like Confetti.”

Posted on March 6, 2015 by Barry

“Throw Kindness around like Confetti.”

—Author Unknown

My father Marvin, my wife Wendy, my daughter Rachel, and me.

I was showered in kindness for ten days in February, when I went to Florida to visit my dad and my wife, who cares for him during the winter months. It helps me escape the bitter cold and have some company for Valentine’s Day, and my birthday on February 16th. I’m now 58 years young! Beyond the initial happiness of seeing my wife Wendy and dad Marvin, my daughter Rachel—who lives in Pennsylvania—surprised me at the airport and let me know that she wanted to help make my visit even more special.

Wendy further surprised me with a new summer wardrobe and a gift bag holding 4 passports. Bright and early the next morning we began a 10-day cruise to Aruba, Curacao, the Panama Canal, and Costa Rica.

Thanks to my wife, we enjoyed snorkeling adventures, private beaches, on-board cooking lessons, boat tours, and even an hour-long zip line adventure with my 88-year-old father and my daughter.

Of particular note throughout our adventure were the countless gestures of kindness shown to all of us from the extraordinary staff and crew of the Holland American ship The Zunderdam.

EXERCISE

In what ways and with whom can you shower the confetti of kindness over those you care about, today and every day?

“You’ve Got a Friend.”

Posted on March 5, 2015 by Barry

“You’ve Got a Friend”

-Carole King, Grammy Award-winning American singer/songwriter

Friends-007

Friends:
·         Fight for you
·         Respect you
·         Include you
·         Encourage you
·         Need you
·         Deserve you
·         Stand by you

Someone once said that friends are the family we choose for ourselves. How large a family do you have based on the criteria above? How well do you demonstrate the same qualities?

EXERCISE:

In what ways and with whom can you be the kind of friend that people like Carole King writes and sings about? For a bit of extra credit, Google songs about friends to find a lot more to sing about.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Barry

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

—Maya Angelou, American poet, novelist, speaker, actress

photo from celebritytalentpromotions.com

Maya Angelou, who passed away in May 2014, was an American author, poet, dancer, and singer. Her first, and perhaps most noteworthy autobiographies, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, published in the late 1960s, tells of her life up to the age of 17, and brought her world-wide recognition.

I came to know of her through her appearances on the Oprah Winfrey show. Her courage, wit, and the vulnerability she shared in her stories inspired and mesmerized Oprah and her vast audience.

Maya Angelou’s life included roles such as civil rights activist, playwright, actress, professor, and film producer – all giving her a platform for sharing her messages with the world. Two highlights of her career were reciting her poem, On the Pulse of Morning at President Bill Clinton’s January 1993 inauguration, and receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2011.

EXERCISE:

Explore the possibility of writing your autobiography, and how fully you express the life you’ve lived so far.

Should you discover that to one degree or another, your voice and authentic self are muted, commit to shift that agony into an ecstasy of living life out loud from this point forward.

“Appeasement is feeding the alligator and hoping he eats you last.”

Posted on March 3, 2015 by Barry

“Appeasement is feeding the alligator and hoping he eats you last.”

—Sir Winston Churchill, Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

Photo from Flickr by Tamable the Jaguar

The political definition of appeasement is “a diplomatic policy of making various forms of concessions to an enemy power in order to avoid conflict.” A notable example was between Great Britain and Nazi Germany in the late 1930s.

A more general definition involves yielding or conceding to the demands of a nation, group or person in a conciliatory effort, sometimes at the expense of justice or other principles.

Today, I suggest that you examine where and at what potential benefit or cost do you see examples of appeasement in your professional or personal lives.

EXERCISE:

Determine where you are simply feeding the alligators in your world, hoping they will eat you last. In what situations would a courageous, principled stance be the way to go?

Inspiration comes

Posted on March 2, 2015 by Barry

“Inspiration usually comes during work, not before it.”

—Madeline L’Engle, American 20th Century Author

Photo from Flickr by Hector Alejandro

Consider these three definitions of the word “inspiration”:

Divine Intervention
An instance of breathing in
That which brings about creativity or perseverance

I suggest we blend the three together. My reasons will be more readily apparent through the following example:

Imagine you wake up one morning and you are not particularly inspired to go to your health club and work out. The exercise gods simply haven’t infused you with enough energy to leap out of bed and into your sneakers.

In spite of not “feeling it,” you garner the discipline to just do it, and minutes later you are on a bike, a treadmill, or an elliptical machine. You notice your breath growing faster and more pronounced, which increases your mental and physical state, and gives you the energy and momentum you need to gain all the good that comes from rigorous exercise.

EXERCISE:

How can you simply begin a project, motivated or not, and let the effort and engagement of the first few steps energize you so that you keep it up and finish more inspired than you ever imagined?

“Don’t try to teach a whole course in one lesson.”

Posted on February 27, 2015 by Barry

“Don’t try to teach a whole course in one lesson.”

—Kathryn Murray, Ballroom Dancer

Photo from Flickr by Shaver Ross

Two months into the new year and already I see a large number of people frustrated, slowed down, or completely stopped in the pursuit of their personal and/or professional goals.

One of the most common reasons for setbacks is the desire and attempt to do too much too quickly, which results in being overwhelmed, losing focus, and of course, a lack of the anticipated results.

It is appropriate, in such situations, to regroup and establish a new course of action with far fewer steps and far more finite and reasonable expectations.

EXERCISE:

Select one – and only one – important professional or personal project that is not going as you desire where you have tried to do too much too quickly.

Break this project into smaller, more digestible nuggets and spread them out over a longer time frame, to achieve the results you wanted the first time.

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle…”

Posted on February 26, 2015 by Barry

“Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.”

—Charles Schulz, American cartoonist, creator of ‘Peanuts’

Photo from Flickr by Glory Cycles

Have you ever ridden a 10-speed bike? What did you experience as you proceeded through the gears? When you were in first gear, how easy was it to pedal? How fast could you go? As you moved through gears 2-5, what effort was required, and what speed was possible?

How often did you use gears beyond #5? How often did you exert the required effort, and how comfortable, exhilarated, or even terrified were you?

EXERCISE:

What gear are you in most often as you travel your personal and professional roads? Notice the terrain, including the twists and turns, the hills and valleys along the way.
What gears will be called for if you wish to climb higher mountains or reach your destination in record time?

If you haven’t tried it, consider attending a spinning class at the local gym, and be open to the instructor pushing you beyond your normal limits.

You Can Do Anything

Posted on February 25, 2015 by Barry

“You can do anything if you have enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hope rise to the stars.”

—Henry Ford, American Industrialist

Photo from Flickr by Soren

When I was in my late teens, I worked at the Country Club bakery/restaurant in Philadelphia. My first job was to wash pots and pans in the bakery. It wasn’t such a bad gig, since I got to eat a lot of sweet treats and good food from the restaurant.

I’ve always been motivated and driven, so it didn’t take me long to realize that being a baker was the “cool” job. With that realization, washing the soiled pots and pans was not in my cards for long.

I made a deal with the bakers. If I could complete my dish washing duties quickly and completely, they would teach me how to bake.

The good news is that it worked, and one of my first duties as a baker’s apprentice was to make what we called water bagels. This meant putting the yeast-filled dough rings into a vat of boiling water to create the rapid rise that makes bagels so tasty and popular.

EXERCISE:

Summon your intense eagerness for an important task or job today. Allow this heated enthusiasm to help you achieve new heights in either your professional or personal worlds.