Tag Archives: Barry Demp Coaching

“Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so children can hear your words instead of just your voice.”

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“Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so children can hear your words instead of just your voice.”

—L.R. Knost, Founder/Director of Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting

Image from Unsplash by Icons8Team

What is your natural reaction when someone yells at you? Consider your childhood and your interactions with parents, teachers, or other authority figures. For many, such verbal attacks cause the receiver to shut down and back off.

During a counseling session in the early years of my marriage, I was told by our very kind and perceptive advisor that when my wife disagreed with my perspective, I simply raised my voice and said the same things, only louder. This approach silenced my message and often resulted in raised voices on both sides.

Speaking quietly to be understood and of course seeking to understand one another has helped support our successful marriage of 41 happy years.

EXERCISE:

Where is too much yelling occurring in your world? Where and with whom would calmer, quieter voices help us hear one another better?

 

“You are full of unshaped dreams…/ You are laden with beginnings…/ There is hope in you.”

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“You are full of unshaped dreams…/ You are laden with beginnings…/ There is hope in you.”

—Lola Ridge, 20th Century Irish-American anarchist poet

Image from Unsplash by Sharon McCutcheon

What are your dreams for 2021? To what degree are they still unshaped or in a formative state?

What projects have you already begun, and where are you tentatively waiting to take that first move?

How hopeful do you feel about your ability to influence and impact the future in your various personal and professional communities?

EXERCISE:

Where are you holding back to dream, to begin, to hope?

How can and will you courageously and passionately release your fullest potential to realize the possibilities and opportunities that await?

“Let’s work together to produce alternative solutions to our differences that we both recognize are better than the ones either you or I produced initially.”

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“Let’s work together to produce alternative solutions to our differences that we both recognize are better than the ones either you or I produced initially.”

—Stephen Covey, 20th Century American author, educator, and speaker

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is one of my favorite books. I have read and re-read it many times. Over the years, I’ve discovered its wisdom and brilliance goes deeper and becomes even more relevant.

Habit Number Six, SYNERGIZE, points to the combining or coordination of the activities of two or more agents to produce a joint effect greater than the sum of their separate parts.

Where have you seen examples of synergy in your communities during this past year?

Where have you seen examples of the opposite, where groups appear to be divided or even at war with one another?

EXERCISE:

Where, how, can, and will you choose to take a synergistic leadership role to bring people together to fulfill a worthy purpose?

“Reading can teach you the best of what others already know. Reflection can teach you the best of what only you can know.”

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“Reading can teach you the best of what others already know. Reflection can teach you the best of what only you can know.”

—James Clear, author, entrepreneur, and photographer

Image from Unsplash by Ben White

How are reading and reflecting a bit like eating and digestion?

Depending on what you read, you may consume both good and not so good nutrients. Just like reading the labels on packaged foods, we all need to be more discerning as to what we take into our minds as well as our bodies.

With many having made resolutions to be healthier and fit in 2021, we could all more carefully reflect on concepts worthy of digesting and assimilating into our lives.

EXERCISE:

How would greater selectivity in your reading and far more thoughtful reflection help you lead a more wonderful and wiser life?

“When the music changes, so does the dance.”

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“When the music changes, so does the dance.”

—West African proverb

Image from Unsplash by Mitchell Orr

For most of us, it has been quite some time since we’ve gone anywhere to dance. Weddings and other large gatherings where we celebrate and let loose with our best moves seem like distant memories of better times.

It feels like we’ve been engaged in a kind of musical chairs where the chairs are being removed and the music of change starts and stops without notice. We’re all on heightened alert, anxious about staying in the game and securing our seat.

As we look to find our footing in the new year, many of us are beginning to feel the beat and rhythm of new opportunities and possibilities to dance again.

EXERCISE:

How can you make and listen to the music of a better future for yourself and your communities? Where can you discover and create new opportunities to dance and celebrate your life in the year ahead?

“Help the punch move past you.”

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“Help the punch move past you.”

—Aikido Saying

Image from Unsplash by That Le Hoang

Do you remember the TV show Kung Fu from the 70s, with David Carradine?

If you do, it might have been both his martial arts mastery as well as his wisdom about life that made the program so popular.

I particularly enjoyed his masterful dance-like moves as he avoided the aggressive punches of his adversaries.

Not getting hit in the first place is a good way to keep standing and step forward into tomorrow.

EXERCISE:

How many punches did you take in 2020?
How many were unavoidable?
How many could you have allowed to move past you, so you could step forward?

“When was the last time you listened to the stories of others?”

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When was the last time you listened to the stories of others?”

—Question put to the sick by a native American medicine man

Image from Unsplash by Brett Jordan

I love the idea that when you listen to others you honor them. I also value that we learn most of life’s lessons when our ears and hearts are opened and our mouths are closed.

How much have you learned in the past year by listening to the stories of others?
How fully did you honor their efforts and courage to distill their nuggets of wisdom?
What opportunities did you miss by focusing on your stories and the desire to be interesting versus interested?

EXERCISE:

Take a few extra minutes today to listen more deeply and carefully to the stories of others in your personal or professional communities. Please reply to this post with a lesson you learned or how your relationship was enhanced.

 

“And now let us believe in a long year that is given to us, new, untouched, full of things that have never been.”

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“And now let us believe in a long year that is given to us, new, untouched, full of things that have never been.”

—Rainer Maria Rilke, 19th Century Bohemian-Austrian poet and novelist

Image from Unsplash by Age Barros

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.
How do you measure? Measure a year?

The Broadway show Rent was ahead of it’s time when it premiered in 1996. The cast contained characters who were black, white, brown straight, gay, bisexual and transgender.

EXERCISE:

What would be possible if we all believed in the five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes that is given to us, new and untouched each year, full of things that have never been?

Listen to Seasons of Love

 

Friday Review: Challenges

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FRIDAY REVIEW: CHALLENGES

How do you perceive and react to challenges in your life? Here are a few challenge-related posts you may have missed.

 

“No-one would ever have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in the storm.”

 

 

 

 

“Some of the best gifts come wrapped in sandpaper.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself.”