Don’t stray from yourself

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“Don’t ever stray away from yourself to get closer to someone else.”

—Author Unknown

Image from www.scribendi.com

Image from www.scribendi.com

Imagine you are shopping for a new pair of shoes, a suit, or an outfit. In the process, you consider color, style, price, and of course, the fit of each item. When all the factors are optimized, we usually make the purchase. If the factors don’t fit, we usually save our money and keep looking.

What does it mean to stray away from yourself? Who are the people that best fit with your most authentic self? How often do you experience relationships with others that, on a gut level, seem to miss that genuine connection?

EXERCISE:

Where, currently or in the past, have you strayed from your values, beliefs, and priorities to get closer to others, even when your gut raises a red flag?

How can you use the same values, beliefs, and priorities to attract and engage the people who are the best “fit” in your personal and professional lives?

Raise Your Words

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“Raise your words not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers not thunder.”

-Rumi, 13th-century Persian poet, theologian, and Sufi mystic

Image from www.stuckindc.com

Image from www.stuckindc.com

A fundamental conversation I have with each new coaching client involves the qualities and characteristics of effective leaders.

The characteristics describing effective leaders include: visionary, passionate, inspiring, empowering, service-oriented, having integrity, and being approachable. The words these leaders use to speak about their views of a better future are like the rain to a flower. They help people and organizations grow.

Alternatively, we have all seen the “Thundering Taskmaster” types who repress and suppress those around them and often create environments of fear, intimidation, and retribution.

EXERCISE:

What can you do to be the kind of leader that attracts followers by raising your words rather than your voice?

A Little Help

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“I get by with a little help from my friends.”

—Lennon & McCartney, co-founders of The Beatles

image from crwi.wordpress.com

image from crwi.wordpress.com

About a month ago, my wife Wendy and I had an opportunity to attend a Beatles tribute concert. As members of the Baby Boom Generation, it definitely took us on a trip down memory lane.

Of particular note were some of the quote-worthy lyrics by the Beatles, including today’s message. In a way, I think they were actually understating the extraordinary value provided by our most cherished and genuine friends.

EXERCISE:

How can you do far more than simply “get by” with a little help from your friends? In what ways can you return this gesture in kind?

Threshold of your Mind

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“The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom, but rather, leads you to the threshold of your mind.”

-Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese-American artist, poet, and writer

image from itu.edu

image from itu.edu

Take a moment to get into an imaginary time machine and go back to your youth.

Specifically, I’d like you to visit your grammar school, middle school, high school, college, and if you had them, post-graduate educational experiences.

As you explore each of these periods in your life, take note of the teachers who have made the most memorable and lasting impact on your life. How many of them challenged your thinking and encouraged greater personal inquiry, rather than simply pouring their reservoir of knowledge into you?

EXERCISE:

Who are the current teachers, mentors, and coaches that lead you to expand the threshold of your mind? How can you be such a resource for others in your personal and professional communities?

A Better Way

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“There has got to be a better way.”

—Steve Jobs, late CEO of Apple, Inc.

Image from openculture.com

Image from openculture.com

My wife and I recently saw the new Steve Jobs movie. Regardless of your views about him as a person, he sure did exemplify today’s quote, and the Apple mantra of “Think Different.”

Perhaps much of the controversy about his life and leadership style was about how he always pushed the limits of what was possible, which sometimes involved pushing many of those around him out of their comfort zones.

Throughout my coaching career, I have encouraged my clients each and every day to be prepared to break their current patterns if they want new worlds to emerge.

To do otherwise would be insane.

EXERCISE:

Where in your personal or professional world would embracing a “There has got to be a better way” philosophy actually make things better?

The Foolish Man

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“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.”

-James Oppenheim, American poet, novelist, and editor

QC #914

I am currently reading The Art of Happiness by the Dali Lama. His teaching indicates that the purpose of life is to be happy.

Foolishly, many people pursue their happiness through extrinsic factors. Although many of these pursuits can result in pleasurable moments, rarely do they produce enduring or sustainable happiness. Wise people, on the other hand, have learned over the years that intrinsic factors much closer to home are the source of a meaningful and more enduring form of happiness.

EXERCISE:

How can you increase your own personal happiness by embracing more factors that lie right under your feet, and far fewer in the distance?

Inspect what you expect

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“Inspect what you expect.”

-Paul J. Meyer, Founder of the Personal Development Industry

Image from Flickr by Kate Ter Haar

Image from Flickr by Kate Ter Haar

One of the primary reasons people experience varying degrees of upset in their lives is unfulfilled expectations.

When we believe that something is supposed to happen, such as a friend or colleague making a promise on which they do not follow through, our blood can boil a bit.

If we take coaching from today’s quote, and inspect what we expect, we can often shift our expectations on the fly. This will reduce negative consequences considerably. On many occasions, the added attention we give to such matters increase the odds of our expectations being fulfilled.

EXERCISE:

How would the practice or habit of inspecting what you expect impact your personal or professional worlds for the better?

ThanksGiving

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“I am grateful for what I am and have. My Thanksgiving is perpetual.”

—Henry David Thoreau, American author, poet, and philosopher

QC #912Thanksgiving is a United States holiday celebrated every fourth Thursday of November since Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of “thanks-giving and praise to our beneficent father who dwelt in the heavens,” in 1863.

Thoreau’s quote suggests a value 365 times that of this single November day, coaching us to embrace and express the gratitude and thanks we can experience and express on a daily basis.

EXERCISE:

In what ways can you be perpetually thankful to help yourself and others in your communities live a more full and richly rewarding life?

Build a Bridge

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“Cry a river, build a bridge, get over it.”

—Author Unknown

Image from landscapesofunderstanding.com

Image from landscapesofunderstanding.com

For most people I work with as a coach, life is difficult, challenging, and often upsetting from time to time. Some are so stuck or stopped that they can hardly see any path forward.

During these times, feelings run high and the “emotional tension” they experience as part of their current reality must be acknowledged fully so they can cry the rivers that are appropriate. Only then can they collect themselves to realize that life goes on. Building bridges to the future is now the job at hand, to realize their resolve and get on the other side of life’s barriers and obstacles.

EXERCISE:

How can you fully acknowledge and experience all the emotions associated with some of your most significant challenges? How can you use that wisdom to garner the strength and capacities to build bridges and get over situations on your life journey?

Make yourself worth knowing

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“Don’t worry so much about knowing the right people. Just make yourself worth knowing.”

–Author Unknown

QC #910A number of years ago I read a book by Dr. Wayne Baker from the University of Michigan titled Achieving Success Through Social Capital. A key take-away from this well-researched book was that, without question, relationships are valuable.

We have all heard phrases such as, It’s not what you know, but who you know, that counts, pointing to the power of being connected to these centers of influence and super-connectors. One challenge with the advent of social media and the huge demands it puts on our time is that getting to know the “right people” can be difficult.

Today’s quote suggest that instead of the old push or pursuit strategy to meet these individuals, we instead work on ourselves to attract and pull people to us and the value they perceive we provide.

EXERCISE:

What one or two qualities or abilities could you more fully develop in yourself to make yourself an even more desirable person worth knowing?